Marvin the Robot is arguably the most memorable character from The Hitchiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams.  He was built with a brain the size of a planet and infused with  GPP (Genuine People Personalities) technology.  It definitely worked, because I’m sure we all know people like Marvin.

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Marvin is fiction, but so is our understanding of many things around us.  My cat isn’t actually plotting my death (pretty sure) — he just wants to eat.   The washer doesn’t hate me.  The garbage disposal doesn’t fear me.  My GPS . . . is definitely harboring resentment toward me, but that’s a different blog.

In that vein, your database also doesn’t have human motivations, feelings or traits.

I promise this is true, even though I may have, just this morning, described my current FileMaker Pro project in terms usually reserved for the worst of the Real Housewives of Anywhere.

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The beauty of FileMaker Pro is that it’s easy for you, a business owner or project manager, to get it up and running.  “Track that inventory,” you tell it, and it complies with apparent cheerfulness.  “Let’s get those contacts organized,” you tell it.  “We’ll do!” FileMaker Pro answers with a snappy salute.*

Once you’re set up, your new solution takes over many of the repetitive tasks that have been gobbling up your team’s time and your patience.   Your information is more reliable and easy to locate, and your reports become really useful tools for strategizing and making quick decisions.   You’re able to really grow your business.

Yay!  You are happy.   Your team is happy.   Your accountant is happy.  Your vendor is happy.

Your FileMaker Pro solution  . . . seems a little resentful.

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It’s sluggish running reports.  Data updates in one place, but not another.  Your attachments are hard to retrieve.

One evening — probably after everyone else has left for the day — you sit down with your solution for a little heart to heart.

“Why?” you ask, making sure to keep your tone calm and loving.  “We go back so far.  It’s been you and me, against the world. ”

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“You really are.   Have I done something?  Have I hurt you in some way?”

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“I don’t!” you insist.  “I just want to get us back to work.  I want us to be what we used to be — partners.”

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This could go on all night (you’ll get bored long before I do, if you haven’t already), but I think you see the problem.   If your database is giving you a hard time, it’s not holding a grudge.  It doesn’t hate you.  Isn’t spiteful.  Doesn’t care if the moon is full.  Doesn’t have favorite users.

The problem is so much less entertaining than a Borderline Database Disorder.  Your company grew.  You added tables here and there, pulled fields into relationships, slapped in an unstored calculation here and there.  And at some point the balanced tipped from ad hoc design to . . . *searches for diplomatic term* . . . not optimal design.

You haven’t outgrown Filemaker Pro, but the complexity of your needs has outgrown your design, and possibly your knowledge.

You built the thing originally.  With a little research, you can probably get that mutt running efficiently again.  So the question is, do you want to spend the time taking your Filemaker Pro knowledge to the next level, or do you want to keep your focus on your thriving business and bring in a reliable expert to get everything running smoothly again?

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Guess which one I think you should do?

*This is a little hyperbole for effect.  There’s actually a bit more to it than that.  While you don’t need to be a programmer to create your first Filemaker Pro solution, there is a learning curve and some time spent getting it set up.

Also, no hands.  So it doesn’t salute.