John's Dirty Book Review #2
Well, I’ve got a glass of wine poured, candles lit… I think the mood is just right from some Gay Force 10: Pimped Behind Bars!
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view...
Alrighty, got the first 20% of this eloquently titled short story downloaded, and let’s crack into er…
First paragraph we have this beautifully written line “He plopped down on the bunk by Timmy’s feet.”
So, he’s a turd? Just plopping on down there, eh. And I’m sorry, but did you have to name your protagonist (who is the subject of multiple rapes), Timmy? That just seems cruel.
Onward and up!
Oh no, Timmy’s the only white prisoner on the whole block. That’s not racist.
The writing is actually not as terrible as I would have thought. His grammer be good.
Oh good, his roommate is named is Jameel. That’s standard. I see he’s utilized a very crude form of Ebonics for Jameel dialogue, including ‘mang-a’ ‘he into that shit, robots, and, y’know’.
And here we go. Page 3.
“Timmy was in pain because he had been raped last night.”
Well, that’s understandable. And oh my fucking god, “a man named Gray did it”, that’s gotta be Fifty-Shades inspired. Spot on bud, spot on.
In a flash of insight…
That’s just poor writing right there.
Yada-yada-yada, Timmy describes being raped in a weakly written paragraph, and now he’s talking to
Jameel again.
Alright I’m done.
I made it to page five.
This was my final straw:
“I ain’t like a rapist or nothin’,” Jameel said. “I wouldn’t never make no man a bitch.”
Dear god.
First off, that’s a double negative… but maybe the writer knows that. Maybe he knows that Jameel wouldn’t know the meaning of a double negative… maybe this guy is actually some sort of literary genius…
Oh wait, no. It’s fucking terrible.
Is this supposed to be sexy? I’m not even sure anymore.
Some people might be offended by this weighty little tome, but I discourage such notions. This dude has a right to write about weird jail racist rape scenes, and that’s cool. But I have just as much a right to tear it apart for the vile garbage that it is!
Okay I couldn’t help it, I kept reading.
Jameel proceeds to not so subtly hit on little Timmy, but he aint no rapist y’know.
Here’s a good piece of dialogue:
“I won’t make you lick my doodyhole neither.”
“Oh.”
Now Jameel is defending Timmy while he cries and the other in mates call him Donkey Balls?
Can someone please tell me what the fuck is going on here?
Ohhhh now I get it. Jameel is Donkey Balls!
“Jameel smiled sheepishly and took his cock and balls out. He had a massive dick and low-hanging balls.”
Wow. That is some fucking poetic shit right there, man.
Okay now I’m actually done. Jameel is cock slapping poor Timmy with his ‘limp and rubbery dick’. Come on bro! I thought you ain't no rapist, yo?
I need more fucking wine.
My rating overall:
One of Christian Grey’s butt-plugs.
Out of five.
Well, I hope that was as uncomfortable and weird for you as it was for me! Join me next week for another installment of John’s Dirty Book Reviews, where we will be showcasing Riding Daddy’s Dick.
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view...
Alrighty, got the first 20% of this eloquently titled short story downloaded, and let’s crack into er…
First paragraph we have this beautifully written line “He plopped down on the bunk by Timmy’s feet.”
So, he’s a turd? Just plopping on down there, eh. And I’m sorry, but did you have to name your protagonist (who is the subject of multiple rapes), Timmy? That just seems cruel.
Onward and up!
Oh no, Timmy’s the only white prisoner on the whole block. That’s not racist.
The writing is actually not as terrible as I would have thought. His grammer be good.
Oh good, his roommate is named is Jameel. That’s standard. I see he’s utilized a very crude form of Ebonics for Jameel dialogue, including ‘mang-a’ ‘he into that shit, robots, and, y’know’.
And here we go. Page 3.
“Timmy was in pain because he had been raped last night.”
Well, that’s understandable. And oh my fucking god, “a man named Gray did it”, that’s gotta be Fifty-Shades inspired. Spot on bud, spot on.
In a flash of insight…
That’s just poor writing right there.
Yada-yada-yada, Timmy describes being raped in a weakly written paragraph, and now he’s talking to
Jameel again.
Alright I’m done.
I made it to page five.
This was my final straw:
“I ain’t like a rapist or nothin’,” Jameel said. “I wouldn’t never make no man a bitch.”
Dear god.
First off, that’s a double negative… but maybe the writer knows that. Maybe he knows that Jameel wouldn’t know the meaning of a double negative… maybe this guy is actually some sort of literary genius…
Oh wait, no. It’s fucking terrible.
Is this supposed to be sexy? I’m not even sure anymore.
Some people might be offended by this weighty little tome, but I discourage such notions. This dude has a right to write about weird jail racist rape scenes, and that’s cool. But I have just as much a right to tear it apart for the vile garbage that it is!
Okay I couldn’t help it, I kept reading.
Jameel proceeds to not so subtly hit on little Timmy, but he aint no rapist y’know.
Here’s a good piece of dialogue:
“I won’t make you lick my doodyhole neither.”
“Oh.”
Now Jameel is defending Timmy while he cries and the other in mates call him Donkey Balls?
Can someone please tell me what the fuck is going on here?
Ohhhh now I get it. Jameel is Donkey Balls!
“Jameel smiled sheepishly and took his cock and balls out. He had a massive dick and low-hanging balls.”
Wow. That is some fucking poetic shit right there, man.
Okay now I’m actually done. Jameel is cock slapping poor Timmy with his ‘limp and rubbery dick’. Come on bro! I thought you ain't no rapist, yo?
I need more fucking wine.
My rating overall:
One of Christian Grey’s butt-plugs.
Out of five.
Well, I hope that was as uncomfortable and weird for you as it was for me! Join me next week for another installment of John’s Dirty Book Reviews, where we will be showcasing Riding Daddy’s Dick.
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