self-care series((part four of eight))
hi, dearest one.
here we are together in this little space of the internet. it’s nice to feel like i’m not alone right now, that you’re reading this with me and we’re in this thing together. although i’m currently sitting in a crowded airport terminal, i can get so lost in my head that i feel lonely, isolated by the tornado of thoughts around me. writing here helps me. 
so we’re half-way through this series on self-care. each week i try to focus on the elements that i am writing about (typically as a note-to-self), and each week i feel more aware of how poorly i take care of myself. 
the common phrase and biblical principle ‘love others as you love yourself’ seems simple and straight-forward enough. but what we don’t often think about is that maybe we don’t really love ourselves. if we’re consumed with self-loathing, looking in the mirror and berating the reflection, how well can we really love another person?
this realization caught me off guard. as most people are, i am my worst critic. i dissect my reflection into sections and thoroughly examine all of the pieces of me that i don’t like. too many freckles, a tiny chip in my tooth, an unpleasant voice. and the list goes on. 
i make these lists every day. lists of things i wish i could change about myself, many of them that i never will be able to. many of them that no one else would wish to change about me. many of them that others find endearing and lovely. my brain distorts it and tells me that it’s unloveable. 
i was incredibly fortunate to grow up in a loving and supportive environment. my parents allowed me to express myself and told me daily how much they love me. but for years those words passed through me as though i were a ghost. these words were just words, i wouldn’t allow them to be a seed that would take root in me and grow into something wonderful.
this is a daily battle that i may very well fight the rest of my life. a battle against society’s standards of beauty, a battle against loud insecurities that ring in my ears without ceasing. 
but there are ways to make headway in this battle. to win the fight, even if just for a moment. it begins with loving yourself. 
when you look in the mirror and pick apart the reflection, comparing it to the invisible person next to you that you feel is better, take notice. catch your thoughts in the act of trying to make you feel small. catch them in your hands and transform them. 
make the choice to see the things you love about yourself. maybe only one comes to mind right now. my advice is to write it down. each positive thing about yourself that comes to you, keep it with you and use it as a weapon in the fight. hold tight to these things.
these are the thoughts that water the soil and prepare you to accept seeds of love that others plant in you. then when you hear words of encouragement, kindness, help, you’ll feel them fully and accept them as truth.
because you deserve this. whatever you do, don’t forget that. you deserve to feel the peace of unconditional love. 
it starts with you.
go in boldness, dear friend.
xo,Ashley

Listening to:
Jaymes Young - I'll Be Goodp.p1 {margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Helvetica Neue'; color: #454545} p.p2 {margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Helvetica Neue'; color: #454545; min-height: 14.0px}