Why do we think it’s okay to give others the benefit of the doubt and not ourselves? 

Why do we constantly feel alone when we are trying to give ourselves time to heal? 

Why do we allow every roaming eyeball to stick to our skin when their judgements will remain whether we do good or bad? 

Why?

Have any of these things occurred to you today? I know my mind is currently swirling with these opinions and thoughts from the outside. The crazy thing is, these are thoughts created in my mind and can very well not even be coming out of peoples mouths. We constantly assume what other people can be thinking of us when we really don’t know. 

Life is a movie. We all walk around playing a part and some of us do it very well. But when we go home and close the blinds, there is a part of us that is dark and no one can see but you. In moments of that darkness, we have to validate our emotions, in that even if people only see that darkness, it’s oddly the brightest sight we see. Why? 

Because that darkness is who we truly are and what we truly feel, what we truly fight day after day. It gets exhausting, isn’t it, to be hiding this part of you that you desperately want accepted but never truly will? It all boils down to a balance within our minds – is my life pursuing something right or wrong; not if my life is acceptable to people or not. 

Me, personally, I have never been the type to hold back my emotions. I always say how I feel and it’s raw. If I’m quiet, then that’s dangerous because eventually that fire will spit out and burn. I’ve been burned enough  and my scales are healing. 

But we can’t let that monster in our minds destroy us from thinking what we do and don’t deserve. I have to fight off the feeling of running back to what i feel is comfortable for me; when in reality led me to this place of healing. I had to realize that the harder this gets and the harder this feels, it’s only alerting me that I have to try harder in validating this crucial acceptance. 

No one else can do this for me and that’s the scariest part.