Does anyone else’s child refuse to listen to anything but Maroon 5 in the car? What about only one song from Maroon 5? The one featuring SZA? Thank god I’m not alone!

My guess is there are only 2 or 3 of us listening to What Lovers Do on repeat on our way to daycare (and back), but that doesn’t make it any less of a serious problem of our own creation.

Don't get me wrong, I loved the song What Lovers Do the first 5,634 times I listened to it. That’s why I asked Alexa to play it for my baby girl, every night, for our dorky family dance party. (Am I still allowed to call her my baby if she’s ruling my life? Make that my 19-month-old.) Anyway, my daughter fell in love, too. And apparently when she falls for a song, she falls HARD. And she NEVER LETS GO.

I know what some of you are thinking. YOU’RE the adult, Jay. You’re supposed to assert YOUR will. Are you scared to let your itty-bitty 20-pound radio ruler know who's boss? Hey, I hear you. But you haven’t heard my daughter. She’s really loud. And committed. And, yes, scary. Scary is a good word for her.

She does this thing where she’ll slam her head back into whatever’s behind her regardless of how dangerous and then NEVER learn her lesson even when she hurts herself. As a parent, that’s a real head scratcher/pounder. How do I prevent that? Without looking like a monster or a psych ward restrainer? And if I ever don’t prevent it, heaven forbid, wish me luck explaining it in a responsible-sounding way to the doctor.

So I play the song on repeat.

The only acceptable substitute to my girl is complete silence and a bag of Froot Loops. Then, and only then, she’s content. Otherwise, it’s SERIOUSLY, DADDY, PLAY THE SONG, OR ELSE. “Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, now, baby!”

I haven’t given up hope. I continue to try different songs. Each time they’re met with an indignant WAHHHHYOUCANNOTBESERIOUSPLAYTHESONG!

But mark my lyrics. Some day, approximately 18 years from now, I will be free to listen to something else!