What the hell am I doing? Jen chided herself as Thomas kissed her. This isn’t what she wanted. Was it? Maybe? She didn’t know. She didn’t know what she wanted anymore. She had spent so long wondering what if and now she wasn’t sure she ever wanted to know. But, his kiss felt and tasted just as good as it had all those years ago. Memories flooded her mind of cloudless nights sitting on the hood of his car in this very spot. A time when the world seemed to only consist of the them. Those moments had seemed frozen in time back then.

And now?

Jen broke from the kiss, pushed herself away slightly, and looked up into the brown eyes of the man she had once truly loved.

“What’s happening here?” she asked him.

Thomas still had his arms around her.

“I’m not sure,” he told her.

Jen realized her hands were still resting on his chest. She suddenly didn’t know what to do with them and began to fidget. Thomas smiled, took one of her hands, and led them back to the table they had been sitting on, this time sitting on the bench facing each other instead of the table top.

She allowed him to take her hand again. He played with her fingers gently as he laced them through his own, neither of them seemed to know what to say next. Finally, Jen spoke.

“I heard you were divorced,” she said. “Tell me about that. I didn’t even know you had ever married.”

Thomas sighed before he spoke.

“Carrie was a great woman,” he started.

Jen jerked her hand away reflexively. She wasn’t sure why she did that, but she had been surprised by the way he had started talking about his now ex-wife. Thomas took her hand back and covered it with both of his as he continued to speak.

“I met her through one of my coworkers,” he continued. “She worked for one of the banks in town. I wasn’t looking to date anyone serious when we met, but we seemed to hit it off pretty well and things progressed from there. A year later, I asked her to marry me. Six months after that, we were married.”

Jen noticed his voice softened as he looked at her.

“Long story short,” he said softly. “She decided I wasn’t good enough for her because I already had a spouse. I’d been married to my job for a while trying to climb the all important career ladder.”

“So, that’s what broke up your marriage?” She asked, “your job?”

Thomas looked down at their hands.

“Yeah, turns out I was the one who couldn’t be a good spouse and live in the corporate world I do at the same time.”

They sat in silence as Jen took all of this in. She looked at him as she thought about everything. The Thomas she knew existed had been buried when he decided it was better to chase his dream and career, but she could see a little bit of him now as she looked at him. He was like everyone else, he wanted and needed love. He just didn’t quite know how to keep it once he had it. Thomas broke the silence.

“That was five years ago,” he told her.

“Do you have kids?” she asked.

“No, and I’m actually thankful for that seeing how things turned out.”

Thomas took a deep breath, tightened his hold on her hand just slightly, and looked at her.

“The last five years have been very hard for me. I didn’t want to believe I would be the reason for our marriage to fail, but as time moved further and further away from it, I could see it. I was in a way a workaholic. I had obtained an executive position in the company and that still didn’t seem good enough. It’s only been in these last couple of years that I’ve decided to enjoy life a little more. I’ve changed my work schedule some, I exercise daily, and things like that.”

“Have you started dating again?” she asked him.

“Here and there, friends will set me up with dates, but not really,” He answered. “How about you?”

“It’s the same for me. I go on dates here and there, but not really,” she said. “I was really hurt by the way you left things. It took me a long time to get over it. Well, maybe I never actually got over it because every time things seemed to be getting serious, I ended it.”

Thomas reached over and hugged her. She hugged him back, this time fully enjoying the feel of his arms around her and the security of his embrace. This was the man she had loved.