LINGER BY FRIEDA TALLER (Real life story)

I replied a long, excited yes to him when I answered his proposal to me that night. Tears of joy rolled in; butterflies churning inside my stomach.

I was extremely ecstatic. I’ve never imagined I would get proposed to.  Well, he did propose to me over the phone without a ring to place on my finger. I was fidgety when the thought of becoming his wife flashed on my mind.

I was engaged to him. I was walking on cloud nine every day until he broke off the engagement a month after. My world shattered. I was in a terrible shock when I heard the beeping sound at the end of the line.

I broke into tears. I felt miserable as I remember all the sweet words he said when he proposed to me and that made me shed more tears.

I remember the day we met. He was arrogant and intimidating. The very first guy who never get intimidated by my presence. He talked with confidence using words that I don’t normally hear from anyone.

I wanted to stop him from talking, giving myself a momentary reprieve to get a Thesaurus and search for the words he used. I sighed in relief when I still managed to act normal in front of him.

I was caught off guard when he said I like you in such a nonchalant manner. In my conclusion, he was a total weirdo.

I thought it would be the first and last conversation between us. I was mistaken. He picked me up at my workplace, treated me to fine dining and gave me flowers and chocolates. He was Don Romantico from pocketbooks that I’ve read when I was young.

He wasn’t my type at all, but he made me feel very special. He wasn’t tall, but he made sure that I feel secure and protected. He was serious, but he knows a lot of ways how to put a smile on my face. He treated me like a Queen. And yes, he isn’t handsome, but his wit and wisdom made him so charming.

I woke up one day and realized that I was attracted to him. I closed my eyes and asked myself if it was right to fall for him. My mind and my heart were battling, but for the first time, I listened to my heart.

One day, he asked me to be his girlfriend while we were inside his car. His staring at me intensely.

Of course, I said yes. Who am I to refuse the man who stimulates both my heart and mind?

I experienced a lot of firsts from him: first official date as a couple, first Valentine’s Day bouquet, first exchanged of I love you’s, my first endearment, and most of all, my very first kiss. It felt so damned good… so good that I got addicted to it.

My knees were weakened every time he looks at me and calls me baby. I liked the ring of it. It was so sweet. And I felt a tingling sensation when I’m wrapped in his arms, as he touched me with care like I was as fragile as the most expensive vase in the world. It was the best feeling I’ve ever felt in my entire life.

But I was completely mistaken. It was just a mere figment of my wishful thinking.

I thought our relationship was bound for a lifetime. But I was wrong. After being official, we rarely see each other; we seldom text each other and talk on the phone. Most of all, we never celebrated our monthsary. This was my very first relationship and I never get the chance to celebrate it?

Damn it! What kind of relationship did I put myself into?

I was his girlfriend, but I felt like one of his business partners. He taught me how to speak with authority and how to act gracefully under pressure. He was molding me to be the better version of myself.

Our incompatibilities and differences grew stronger that we got into a lot of arguments and constant misunderstandings. And the feeling of being ignored made me feel so dumb.

Blinded, I set everything aside and made myself believe in him and our so-called love.

I turned into a new person: understanding, patient and accepting. I accepted his flaws and quirks, even his past -his past that includes his long-time lover.

It bothered me a lot, but I didn’t tell him. A knife struck my heart, crushing it to pieces whenever he mentioned her name. I know that he still loves her.

A Seven-year relationship. How do I replace someone he loved for seven long years?  It was a losing battle, but I wanted to fight till the end. I love him, and I would do everything for him.

The fear of losing him came to life that night. He called me and we had a misunderstanding. He was having a temper. I couldn’t understand what he was trying to say. All I could remember was that he and his ex-girlfriend started to communicate again. He always said that he wanted to have a closure with her. I thought I could take it, but jealousy came rushing in, eating my heart out. He wanted to have space to think things through.

Damn him, but I was such a fool. It was hard but I had given him the space he needed.

I told myself that I will be fine; that I am stronger than anyone else, but tears won’t stop from falling. I’ve cried in front of my friends as they tried to comfort me, but the pain would not subside. It was painful. He was gone for a week, and it was the longest week I’ve ever had. I was jumpy whenever my phone rings, silently hoping that his name would pop on my screen.

Days went by and finally, he contacted me. I felt so relieved. I thought I’d lose him already. He said he loves me so much. Yes, he loved me that he proposed to me that night. He said I love you and asked me to marry him, and I said yes.

I am engaged to the man I love. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs, but I don’t want to wake up the whole neighborhood. I said I love him too before we bid each other goodnight.

We need to talk, said on his text. Before I could even reply, my phone started ringing. I didn’t know but I felt so weird and nervous. There’s a voice inside of me whispering not to answer his call, but my finger swiped the answer button.

I said hello, but he started talking about our differences, how unready I was to get married because I have an excess baggage and I know for sure he was referring to my family. Our conversation heated up, and we started shouting at each other that ended our five-month relationship.

I cried liter of tears and lost some weight. It was heartbreaking. Every day was a battle I need to conquer.  It took me a while before I could recover and started living again. I was grateful for my friends for being there for me, and to GOD who has always been my savior and my salvation.

I was okay, and so I thought. I survived months without him even though I was still hurting with the thoughts of him still in my mind.  I thought I’ve moved on, but one phone call changed everything.

He contacted me five months after our break up. I thought that was the closure I needed to finally let go of my feelings for him, but we end up arguing again.

I didn’t expect that there will be a bigger dilemma that I need to face.

Two weeks have passed since our last phone call when I received another one that shattered my sanity. My body quivered as I was holding my phone. I was paralyzed. I closed my eyes, trying to understand what I just heard. I swallowed hard as if that’s the only thing I could do at that very moment. His mother’s voice still echo in my head as she shared the bad news.

Tears started to flow from eyes as I watched him lying in the silver steel bed, his eyes closed like he was just sleeping, covered with a white thin sheet of cloth. I could not move my feet to get closer. I felt so weak. I wanted to touch him for the last time, but my hands were shivering, a chill run down my spine. I could still not believe that he was gone… gone forever.

Our relationship didn’t last for long, but it’s all worth it. Thank you for always pushing me to my limits. You were given to me to teach me lessons in life that I will never forget for the rest of my life. You will always be a part of me, baby. I am praying for your soul and may the perpetual light upon you. This isn’t a goodbye but see you later, baby. Those were my words as I tossed the flower in his casket as it was gradually lowered into the ground.

I whispered I love you in the air as I walked away from his grave.