Frieda Taller's Blog

My life took a 180 degree turn the day you left. There’s a hole inside my heart that no one can fill. I know it’s a cliché, but I felt like my heart was broke into pieces, and no matter how hard I try to pick them up and put them together, it will never be the same —this heart beats incompletely.

Four years have passed since the day I last saw you. We were happy the day before it happened. We even planned on buying a nice car. You were feeling ecstatic as we celebrated with an ice cream. Things were falling into the right places, only to find out that these pieces weren’t a fit to the puzzle.

You were my role model, and still are up to this day. It amazed me how you would start your day at 4 o’clock in the morning no matter how drunk you were the night before. I didn’t know where you got your motivation to get up in the morning every single day and work your ass off. You were self-driven, hardworking and kind to everyone. You have all the qualities a man should have, except for your alcoholism. I hated it whenever you drank with your buddies until you passed out as if there were no tomorrows.

I regret that I didn’t get to say how grateful I am to have you nor say I love you. Never in my wildest dream that it would be the last day that I would ever saw you. We didn’t even said goodbye. In a blink of an eye, I lost you.

I was devastated as I cried liters of tears that day, but like a robot with a switch off button, my tears no longer fell. I felt like I had to be strong and hide those tears away. I was surprised by myself that I could. I didn’t cry for days. But I wasn’t strong enough to hold it in. The day had come to finally say my goodbye. All the tears came flooding in, and no matter how hard I try, they won’t stop.

Four years have passed, and I still miss you everyday.

Till we meet again, father.

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I lost count on how many men reacted astoundedly when they found out that I, a 31 year old woman, am a virgin.

They made me feel that I have an untreatable disease, like it’s worse than having a stage four cancer.

I don’t get it. I mean, I know we are living in the 21st Century and women are more open and liberated than the women who grew up back in the day, but it doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with women like me who, in our own way, value sex. You can call it hypocrisy (oh I know you would!), but sex isn’t just sex for me. It’s a bond you create with another person, someone dear to your heart who will take care not only of your body but also your heart. It’s the intimacy of being skin to skin with somebody without penetration (if you know what I mean). It’s exploring each others physicality and stimulating each others’ cerebral matter more rather than his d*ck and her t*ts.

Seriously speaking, there’s no wrong or right here. What I’m saying is that we all have choices in life, and being a virgin is one of the choices I made so you, effin men who haven’t explored my being but made me feel like a trash because I’m missing on a lot of things like sucking your hairy b*lls, don’t have the right to make me feel that I’m incomplete because I haven’t been laid.

I never imagined sharing my body with a couple of men whom I’m never gonna spend my life with. I know life isn’t a fairy tale and I’m not Cinderella who will leave her glass shoes and find her prince and will live happily ever after. I want to give myself to that special man with whom I will start a family. I want him to savor the unexplored paradise of my pleasurable walls between my thighs; to become one body and soul with that person would be heavenly.

But life has never been good to me when it comes to relationships. I’ve dated a few and most of them either cheated on me and/or ghosted me for unknown and unexplainable reasons, and I bet at the back of their minds was the thought “I can’t f*ck her so why date her still?”. I remember a couple of guys I met online told me that they can’t date me if they can’t try me yet. The worst phrase I ever heard from a guy was “I won’t buy a car I can’t even test drive”. Yeah, dude. I’m not a Ferrari or Lamborghini. I don’t have a steering wheel or a gear. I’m a human being for goodness sake!

Yes, my genitalia is not some Pandora special edition with diamonds around it. It’s the same with all the women out there. It has cheeks, a sensitive button, hair and juices, but that doesn’t mean it’s accessible to anyone who wants it.

And suddenly, the world stopped. Businesses stopped operating, employees were forced to work from home, and everyone was locked inside their houses. There was no war, yet people were dying all around the globe –millions of people died with an unforeseen threat that even the richest country almost gave up. For the first time in history, the world is united in fighting an invisible enemy.

Well, here I am (in the South-East part of the world), someone who celebrated 31st birthday thinking it would be my year despite the year starting with calamities- Taal volcano erupted after so many years of being inactive that caused ash fall within a 25 km radius (including the area I reside in), but life keeps going. I was still being positive, hoping everything will be better once it subsides. Then another news came that WWIII almost started. And then we lost Kobe Bryant in a plane crash.

All this chaos happened in the month I was born. But like all other tragic news, it didn’t take a toll on me. I was happy because I was with the man I met and fell in love with. Fear blinded by love kept me going and made me optimistic. But everything changed and my world turned around completely when the pandemic, Covid-19 spread havoc.

This invisible threat spread rapidly, so the government decided a community quarantine –having people locked up inside their houses, allowed to go out only for essentials. It was scary because for the very first time, everyone had to stay inside to keep the virus from transmitting.

Not being able to work from home, I risked my life going to work with complete protection gear- face mask, cap, and tons of alcohol, making sure that every employee in my company gets paid the cut-off. This made me realize that I’m one of the unrecognized front liners, and I’m proud of myself for that. But being unable to go to places other than my workplace, I felt trapped, and all the anxieties and my insecurities came flooding in when the love I thought I had, suddenly vanished. I felt so lost.

Everything was falling apart. I was anxious each passing day not knowing when this virus would vanish and everything would go back to normal (if everything would even go back to normal). Having a heartbreak during this pandemic made it even worse. All the negative thoughts about myself kept piling. I was begging for attention again. Swallowed by darkness, I found God who lifted me up from the mud that kept pulling me down.

I found myself having a lot of time to do my unfinished projects. The two scrapbooks that had been laying on my closet for two years were now finished. Not only that, I did some paintings, too, for my sister’s house. Simple ones, but it made me feel so content. Feeling hype, I pushed myself to workout everyday to keep myself in shape and feel better about myself. And also the chef within me were unleashed. I baked a variety of desserts and prepared many delicacies from the recipes I found online. I’m telling you, it was very fulfilling!

But my greatest achievement during this time was when I found time to edit and publish my poetry book about Hope on Amazon Kindle. I pat myself for finishing it, for I dedicated it to the friend I lost last year. He was the one who always believed in my talent. I fulfilled my promise to him that I will publish our book no matter what.

Even though this year didn’t start so well, and the lockdown caused panic, I was still able to find myself and unlock the hidden gems inside of me. And that self-love is never selfish. Not at all.

Together with Mother Earth, who’s recovering from the annihilation of humankind, I will be much wiser and more able to give love because my heart is filled with lots of it. And one thing’s for sure- after this pandemic, everyone will appreciate their lives and will take proper care for Mother Earth!

***

Also posted at Wordket @ https://wordket.com/2020/05/21/positivity-amidst-pandemic/

Do you maintain a various set of people that you hang out with? Like people from your grade school, high school, university, and people from your workplace? Well, I bet you have. And in those different groups, there is always the smart one, the funny one, the tall one, the small one, the beautiful one and the ugly one — the one who typically receives less attention to no attention at all.

Well, the ugly one in the group has always been me.

When I was in grade school, I tried joining different activities and paid attention to my studies because that’s all I could achieve. My dear friends were all pretty and smart. They consistently capture boys’ attention ALL.THE.TIME! Their looks made me envious. I heartily wish I was as pretty as them. I naturally have dark skin, mild acne, and I am short. Never have I ever been someone’s crush.

High school. Precocious puberty. I thought I would blossom into an exquisite woman like that in movies, but unfortunately, I didn’t. My friends were gently turning into more charming human beings (It’s unfair, I swear!) but I stuck being the ugly duckling. They had many suitors, unsolicited gifts and love letters while I got reports and projects to finish.

Then college took over. Looking back, I felt more miserable wearing those jeans and shirts as if I was forced into looking like a guy with my pigtails. I wouldn’t forget that P.E. class during my freshman years. We had to dance on our foundation day.Everyone must dance in pairs (And no one would want to pair with me.) The professor partnered me with a guy from another department course who looked arrogant. And well, he was a complete jerk who always skipped rehearsals.

In one case, my classmate’s partner was late. He told me we should pair up for the meantime, but ditched me on the side without a word when his pair came unexpectedly. It was humiliating and excruciating. I almost shed a tear.

As if “UGLY: Don’t touch” was inked on my forehead.

No one asked me on a date until graduation. It shouldn’t matter that much, but seeing my friends being ask on a date, being courted, showered with compliments, was torture without them knowing I was feeling like that.

When I started working, putting makeup was my best alternative to look pretty so that people would notice me. I was wrong. No, I was utterly mistaken. I was too caught up trying to be pretty. I forgot how to be kind to myself. I realized I was trying too hard to become beautiful physically.

Soon enough, I encountered brilliant people that made me feel awesome about myself. They enlightened me how to enjoy myself, and later on the shine came radiating from within. I felt more alive than I have ever been to. I discovered many things about myself — the things that I detest and enjoy.

I realized that someone can be beautiful without a pretty face as long as you have a big heart, you’re kind and empathetic. Moreover, you love your perfect imperfect self.

A disease as defined in Google is a particular quality, habit, or disposition regarded as adversely affecting a person or group of people. A stereotype disease is a disease that we, people have created that affected the entire human race.

An example of this stereotype disease is what I would call a “woman disease” or “womanesis”.

 

It is a disease wherein people think that a woman should act, speak and dress in a particular manner. It is wherein a woman is being restricted to what she should and could do.

Thousands of years ago, women were said to be submissive to a man because they were born to be a man’s slaves; they don’t have the right to speak nor go against a man. But women proved themselves that they can do better what a man can do. They can do it under pressure with more patience and care. That’s because women, as far as genetics is concerned, are more empathetic than men.

But let’s cut to the chase. I’m not writing this one to tackle history. This article is actually me whining about people that keep on dictating what I should be doing with my life.

Yes. I am single, and I am thirty one, but I don’t get why people get so hyped about it. They always made me feel like it’s a crime to be single at my age. Gatherings quite get on my nerves. It’s making me hate meeting my relatives, friends and neighbors. From my aunts down to my cousins would I get to hear when will I get married over and over and over again. It’s like a broken record that’s irritating to listen to. When I attend a friend’s wedding, they will ask the same thing of which I don’t have an answer. Duh?! How would I even know when I will get married? I’m not a Nostra-Friedamus to see my future. And when I see my old neighbors, they’ll be like “When are you going to have a baby? You’re going to expire soon!” What am I? A fresh milk that’s going to be spoilt in three days? Argh!!!

Duh?! How would I even know when I will get married? I’m not a Nostra-Friedamus to see my future.

 

People, please stop telling me what I should be. You don’t know the silent battles I’ve been dealing with alone. You don’t know how hard it is to wake up in the morning with empty feelings. You don’t know how depressing it is to see my batch mates raising their own families while I only get to raise the volume of my music player. It’s heartbreaking being the only single person in the family while all my siblings are in a relationship including my widowed mom.

But what’s harder to take is when people I know blamed me for being single. When they tell me to stop being blunt and straightforward; that I should be more submissive and less dominant. So, basically, what they’re trying to tell me is that speaking what’s on my mind is a crime. That voicing out my feelings about certain things would lead to destruction of my relationship.

If I couldn’t be honest with how I feel, then what’s the point of building a relationship in the first place?

 

It sounds pathetic, but I’m trying not to be. I’m just recently learning to love and take care of myself more. I’m trying to connect with my feelings and listening to my body. I’m not rushing. I’m trusting the timing – that there will come a time when a man will come and love me, and will build a family with me. And as long as that time isn’t coming yet, I’ll keep on doing my thing, and that is to be me.

Hi there folks! How’s the quarantine going on your side of the world? It’s been tough here since it’s been the very first time that a virus outbreak led to a global lock down, or quarantine if that sounds more appeasing.

For the last seven days since the quarantine started, my emotions been in circles. I get happy, sad, meh, worried, and insecure in between. Yeah, my insecurities been creeping in, like an old virus trying to eat up every cells in my body, more than the Covid-19 would. Staying at home and unable to go out, unless I need to buy essentials or need to drop by at work to sign something, made me feel troubled somehow.

Yeah, my insecurities been creeping in, like an old virus trying to eat up every cells in my body, more than the Covid-19 would.

I’m not really used to being at home all day or even all week, but I’ve been trying to entertain myself like doing my scrapbook, learning an old kind of Filipino writing called alibata(baybayin), dancing on Tiktok, working out, and most of all, I’ve been trying to be more understanding and patient.

To be honest, I’m in a long distance relationship right now. It’s just recent when I entered this relationship and I tried so hard not to compare it from my last one. I know he loves me, I can feel that, but being thousand miles away from each other, we only rely on communication (Facebook chat and video calls), but he’s not the type to chat or call everyday. Sometimes, a day would passed without any message from him and I really hate that. It really hurts, as if a knife is being struck in my chest. And one time, I stalked his profile and found an old profile picture of him with a woman whom he met on his travel. Geez. They weren’t even in a relationship but he used their photo as his profile picture. I know it’s an old one but I couldn’t help myself to feel insecure and jealous. He never used our pictures together to be his profile.

Yeah, I’m being shallow right now, but I’m trying to be less sensitive at this time of quarantine. I tried all things to keep me occupied because I know, my world shouldn’t revolve around him. We both have our own world to revolve to.

Sorry guys, I just needed to let these feelings out instead of bottling it up.

Sigh.

Signing out.

 

She felt trapped inside for years, she’s losing hope to find the light.

Everything seems to be fine. She has a stable job that support her family financially and her travel leisure, including her food tripping once in a while. But, behind her sweetest smiles were her fears lingering in.

No one knew what she really feels inside- no one even dare. As a middle child, she grew up to be the one who understand the situation more than anyone; the one who always have patience and empathy. Looking out for others, she forgot to look out for herself.

When her father died, she became the bread winner of the family. She provided them financially and became the “MAN“ of the house. Her strong personality and blatant tongue made her “a cold-hearted woman“ in and out of the house, but the truth is, she’s as fragile and vulnerable like others. She feels so much pain until she’s totally numb of it…but she never gets numb. She even feels the pain of others and could be much brokenhearted than the person feeling the hurt.

Being through a lot, her heart still able to love. But she wonders if she could truly give love if she failed to love herself? Or is it fear that pulled her away to give love? Maybe paranoia pushed her to overthink or maybe her instinct were just right most of the time.

But whatever it is, all she knew is that she’s a girl trapped inside for years, she’s losing hope to find the light.

“Stage 3, Stomach cancer,” those words still echoed in her mind.

 

Staggering to walk, she sat down along the side of the road, ignoring the people passing by her. How could she have cancer, she asked herself in silence. Tears rolled down her cheeks; her vision suddenly got blurry.

 

Shocked and unaware of what to do, she didn’t notice her phone ringing until the third call. It was her mom.

 

“Yes, ma,” she answered, trying not to stutter.

 

“Martina, are you alright?”

 

She swallowed hard trying not to burst in tears. “I’m… I’m doing alright, ma. I just have a cough,” she said, faking continuous coughing.

 

“Are you sure? Are you at work? Why is it so loud?”

 

“I’m picking up something outside. I have to go, ma. See you, later. Love you,” then she hung up.

 

All the emotions came flooding. Her parents would be in pain if they found out about her condition. She should not tell them, not yet.

 

Tears started falling again, so she got up and hailed a cab.

 

Her stomach started aching miserably two months ago. It was tolerable in the beginning, but it became severe as the days passed by. Not believing it to be serious, she took some pain relievers and herbal drinks, but the pain would still come and go.

 

Her stomach refused whatever she put inside her mouth. Even a single sip of coffee was making her vomit.

 

Her reflection in the mirror showed a sickly woman. Colleagues from work thought she was on an extreme diet. Her parents, especially her mom, were worried about her that they kept bugging her to see a doctor, but she always refused. She used to eat big servings of food every meal.

 

Then one night, her stomach was aching terribly. She crouched to the bed, feeling nauseous, but she got up and ran to the bathroom and vomited.

 

Blood! There was blood in her vomit. Her knees wobbled, her face turned as white as ghost. “Oh, shit,” she whispered as she slumped to the bathroom floor, sobbing.

 

She rushed to the doctor the next day for a check-up. They ran a couple of tests on her after telling the doctor the symptoms she had been experiencing. They asked her to come back in a week for the results.

 

That was today. The ground beneath her feet split and felt like it was ready to swallow her at any moment. “Stage 3, Stomach cancer,” was written on the results, and that’s all she could remember before leaving the hospital.

 

Her feet led her to an uncrowded park where a few kids were playing happily. Her life flashed before her eyes as she froze to where she was standing.

 

How hard she had studied since grade school to meet her parents’ expectations. Disobeying them never crossed her mind. She wanted to be the perfect daughter for them.

 

There had been a guy she liked back then, but she had to break up with him. Her parents wouldn’t allow her to date. She had liked him so much that she cried for a week when she heard the news that he was dating another woman.

 

It was her first heartbreak, but no one knew about it. She couldn’t tell anyone. Not even her friends. She was scared that she’d be a laughing stock if they found out.

 

She had worked hard on her career to make her parents proud. Starting as an assistant in a coffee shop, and after a few years, she became the youngest manager of Cafehalics, Inc., one of the sought-after coffee shops in the country.

 

Her career was at its peak, but she was alone. She had been single for a couple of years after she broke up with her ex, the only person whom her parents approved of. And that hits her.

 

Thirty-three years old, single and a virgin.

 

She laughed at herself while tears were still flowing from her eyes. Most of her classmates were married and with kids, and there she was, alone by herself. Her life felt so empty.

 

She wiped away her tears and pulled out her notebook and wrote down all the crazy things she wanted to do before she dies. Sky-dive, ride a private plane, to date under gazillion of stars, to get a tattoo on her right side breast, apologize to her parents and tell them how lucky she was to have them.

 

“… and make-out with a complete stranger,” she wrote last. The idea was petrifying, but she has nothing to lose. She was dying anyway, she thought.

 

Deciding to get laid, she went to a bar. She drank a lot even though it was bad for her condition. It was her third bottle of beer, but she wasn’t drunk yet. Her alcohol tolerance was undeniably strong, she discovered.

 

One, two, three… ten bottles. Her body was flowing with alcohol; her brain was occupied with the thought of sex. So much so that she had forgotten about her cancer.

 

The world was spinning when she tried to get up from her chair. She almost fell, but somebody softly grabbed her waist catching her.

 

“Gotcha,” said the stranger. She turned around to see the man, but it was dim, so she didn’t get to see the stranger’s face clearly.

 

“Thank you,” she simply said, her heart raced frantically.

 

“You’re drunk. Are you with someone?” He asked, not letting her go.

 

“No, I’m alone. You should… you should go back to your girlfriend,” she said.

 

She heard a soft laugh. His voice wasn’t manly, yet it sent chills down her spine. Feeling a tingly sensation between her thighs, she blurted out what was on her mind. “Let’s have sex.”

 

They went to a nearby hotel and checked in. A hot, passionate kiss surprised her when they entered the room. The stranger’s hands wandered on her body as he kissed her neck. She jolted a bit when he cupped her huge breasts outside her dress.

 

“You like it,” he whispered. Her reply was a slow moan, an indication that she enjoyed what he was doing.

 

Her clothes fell on the floor, revealing every curve of her naked body. She suddenly felt uncomfortable, she tried to cover herself, but he removed her hands.

 

“Don’t cover it. You’re gorgeous,” he said. His stares were full of admiration. He locked her lips with his, pushed his tongue inside her mouth. He softly bit her earlobes, licking it inside and out, his hands wandering over her body. Then his lips went down to her neck, licked her shoulders and her underarms.

 

She moaned. His lips on her body made her feel so good. She never experienced this kind of sensation, and she liked it. She wanted to have more. “Fuck me,” she said as she tried to unbutton his shirt, but he grabbed her hands.

 

“Shh, you’re my slave tonight.”

 

Their lips intertwined as he carried her to the bed. He slowly laid her down, not taking his gaze away. He pulled her closer, licked her neck again then down to her chest. Slowly, he grabbed her boobs, sucked them and gave them a soft bite, and tickled her erected nipple with his finger. Her pleasurable screams filled the entire room.

 

His touches made her shiver, she could hear her own voice — her lustful voice that she never imagines before. Her cheeks turned red with embarrassment.

 

Her hands were tied to the bed as he aggressively sucked both her huge tits, his hand felt the warmth of her vagina. It was warm and wet. He tried to put his middle finger inside, but it was tight. Slowly, he made his way in and out of her, his fingers covered with her cum.

 

Her body arched as his mouth went down to her stomach. Lust was all over her face when he looked up. He chuckled at what he saw.

 

He sucked her erected clitoris, tasted the juices coming out from her. Her pinkish vagina was inviting, so he licked it, played her clit using his tongue. Then he inserted his tongue inside her tight pussy. Her moans aroused him more.

 

“You’re all mine tonight. I’m going to fuck you hard,” he said blindfolding her.

 

“What are you doing?” Martina asked, but she felt thrilled with the thought of it. She never felt so alive before.

 

“Shh… I’ll make you a certified woman tonight,” he replied as he unzipped his pants.

 

He spread her legs and slowly, she felt his penis slide inside her. He went deeper as she screamed so loud. Slowly, he moved and grabbed her boobs. Then he went faster moving up and down, their bodies in rhythmic movements. He felt like he was going to burst, so he pulled her closer, his mouth aggressively sucking her breast. Both of them moan as they released the desires coming out on their private organs.

 

It was the strangest sensation ever for her, but she liked it. Her body ached, but in such a good way. When he was inside, a crazy shuddering joy had filled her veins. Now, her body had a cold sensation in it, not the warm and hot sensations she had expected with his cum, but, she didn’t mind.

 

For a moment, she had forgotten that she was about to die in a few months. There must be something in the alcohol she drunk. An enjoyable feeling lurked inside her; she fell asleep with a smile on her face.

 

Her head felt heavy as if it was pounded by a metal. The world was spinning and she wanted to vomit. She got up and went to the door where the light was on. She puked heavily, almost threw up her internal organs. It was a terrible feeling. She washed her face and almost fainted when she saw her face in the mirror.

 

Her eyes widened when she saw the marks all over her naked body. Suddenly, she felt ashamed of herself and proud at the same time. She pulled the towel from the rack and covered herself. Making out with a stranger never crossed her mind before… not until she found out about her cancer.

 

She deeply sighed. All the fears of dying came rushing again. The thought of her parents’ grieving made her feel bad. Tears started to fall again, but she wiped it away.

 

Her thoughts were distracted with something she stepped on when she went back to bed. Her face turned pale when she turned on the light. She almost tripped to a strap on dildo.

 

“What’s this thing?” she silently asked herself, her heart raced so fast. She slowly scanned the room and found her clothes on the floor. There were two sets of undies scattered alongside the bed. Her inner self was telling her to check the person sleeping on the bed.

 

She walked lightly, trying not to make a noise. Her hands were shaking when she pulled the sheet to uncover the stranger’s face. Dumbfounded, she stepped back; her knees suddenly lost its feelings.

 

The stranger was a woman.

 

Distraught, she picked up her clothes and left the room in rush. She couldn’t believe what had happened to her.

 

She made out with a woman! Her cheeks turned red in anguish. She was fooled. It was worse than having cancer.

 

She hailed a cab and went home. The sun has not risen yet, and her parents were still sleeping when she arrived. She made her way to her room without making a noise.

 

Wallowed in anguish and self-pity, her mind couldn’t think straight. She stripped down and went under the shower letting the hot water soaked into her skin. The steam filled the room; her brain suddenly turned foggy. She was in pain. The image of the woman flashed through her mind over and over whenever she closed her eyes.

 

She felt ashamed. Bewildered, she felt disgusted but remembering all the excitement and pleasurable sensation she felt while making out with the stranger felt so good, she could not even believe herself.

 

It wasn’t right, but it felt so damn good.

 

She slumped onto the bed after the shower and fell asleep. Her mind and body were both exhausted.

 

Three weeks after she found about her cancer, and the interaction she made with the stranger, she received a call from her doctor. It was an emergency, so she rushed to the hospital right away.

 

“I deeply apologize for the terrible mistake we have committed. The result given to you was for another patient. You are cancer free, Ms. Martina. In behalf of this hospital, we are very sorry. We will compensate for all the damages we have caused you.” The doctor and his staff bowed to her to apologize.

 

She was cancer free. It was gastritis. They all mistook her symptoms to stomach cancer and had given her incorrect results. Good thing she hasn’t told her parents about it.

 

Relieved, she left the hospital with a big smile on her face. Her stomach craved for sweets, so she went to buy canned fruit at a nearby convenience store.

 

Her phone rang when she walked out of the store, so she reached her mobile inside her bag and didn’t notice the man walking in front of her. She bumped into someone and almost lost her balance. “Oh, my gosh,” she blurted out.

 

Someone pulled her waist as she heard the word “got you.” Her heart skipped crazily. It was a familiar voice — that deep baritone voice she used to hear years ago.

 

Her face lit up when she saw the man whom she bumped into. Her guts were right. It was someone she knew and could never forget.

 

She got away from his arms and tried to bring back her composure.

 

“Are you alright?” the man asked her, not turning his gaze away from her. She felt her cheeks burning.

 

“Yeah. I’m… I’m alright. Sorry for being a klutz. I gotta go.” She almost stuttered, so she turned her back and walked away, but he grabbed her arms.

 

“Martina, it’s really nice to see you again.”

 

“Hmm, it’s nice to see you, too, Craig,” she shortly replied. “But I really have to go.”

 

“Maybe we can grab something to eat, for good old time’s sake,” he requested, his smiles melted her heart away. She couldn’t say no.

 

They went to the bar and restaurant that they used to go when they were still together. He ordered steak for the both of them: well done for her and medium rare for him. A bottle of wine chilled on ice on the side.

 

“How have you been?” his words distracted her trail of thoughts, unaware that she had been staring at him for a long time. “Martina,” she heard him call her name, a small tap on her hand startled her.

 

“Oh, hey, I’m sorry. I was just thinking about something. What did you say?” she said. She heard him laugh.

 

“You’re still the Martina I know. Still thinking about a lot of things… and still beautiful.” His remarks made her blushed.

 

“And you’re still the old smooth-talker Craig,” she retorted.

 

“How’s life going on? It’s been a long time since I last saw you. How’s your parents?”

 

“They’re both doing great.”

 

“What about you?”

 

“Oh, I’m fine. Working, as usual.”

 

“And you’re still workaholic. Don’t tell me you have been still single until now,” his gazed made her feel uneasy. It was the way he looked at her when they used to date.

 

“I forgot to write LOVE on my to-do list,” she replied, and they both laugh.

 

His offered to drive her home made her happy. He opened the door for her and put her on seat belts. His scent filled her nose as an intoxicating feeling lingered on her body. Her temperature risen up as if she was sick. Her eyes were closed when she swallowed hard, trying to control her feelings.

 

But she was surprised to feel something hot on her lips. His lips were on hers. They were kissing. They gasped for air when their lips parted.

 

“I miss you,” he said. Her mind went blank. Everything happened fast. The next thing she knew, they were inside a hotel room.

 

They were sharing a hot, passionate kiss as their hands wandered on each other’s body. They undressed each other, leaving just the undergarments. Both of them were feeling the rush of tasting one another as their lips intertwined, not wanting to let go.

 

His magical hand unclasped her brassiere in just a matter of seconds, and it fell on the ground. It released the healthy pair of big, bountiful boobs. The view made him feel more excited. His mouth feasted on them, sucked them hard that made her moan; his fingers made a circular motion on her nipples to erect them.

 

He lifted her left leg as he glided his tongue down to her stomach. His mouth wandered down to her most treasured part. Her body shaken when she felt his tongue between her thighs.

 

Her clitoris was gotten bigger with his sucking. The room was filled with her moans as he constantly sucked her down below. “Fuck,” she blurted when he entered his tongue inside her. The feeling was undeniably making her crazy. His tongue felt amazing, she couldn’t deny it.

 

He got up and found her lips again, his two fingers on her already soaked vagina. In and out until her body shaken and felt numb, she cum.

 

The feeling of cumming with just his fingers put her between shame and pleasure.

 

He carried her to the bed; his mouth was busy on her boobs. His throbbing dick could not wait to be released inside his boxer. Her surprised reaction when he took off his undergarment was breathtaking.

 

The innocence and lust were all over her face and that aroused him more. Planting gentle kisses on both of her flawless legs as he put them over his shoulders; his fingers playing her swelling clit, she bit her lips in pleasure. Satisfied with her reaction, he placed her legs and wrapped them over his torso, ready to put his throbbing penis inside of her.

 

He slowly entered his thick, long penis inside her warm, wet vagina. It was a little tight, but her wetness served as a lubricant and helped him as he slid deeper inside her warm pussy. It was hot and inviting like it was the perfect place for his dick.

 

His organ grew larger and harder inside her as if there was something inside her that slowly working on him, enveloping his entire erected penis. They moved in rhythmic movements; their hearts both beating fast. Bodily juices mixed, he leaned forward to lock her lips on him. His hands pressed against her bouncing boobs, gently sucking each nipple.

 

“I miss you so much,” he softly whispered as he speeds up his movement. Their in-sync bodies moving faster, both screaming each other’s name.

 

Numbed and shaken, she felt her flower was sprinkled with magical water; his organ was about to burst. Pulled each other closer, they came together; His semen filled her; her juice mixed with him.

 

It was the strangest sensation she felt; totally different from the one she had months ago. It was thrilling and satisfying as if she could never get enough of it.

 

He moved her on top of him. “Hold it for me, baby,” he said referring to his dick. Her hands squeezed his still erect penis as if it was the natural thing to do, though she hesitated at first. She moved her hands slowly, up and down, as she licked the tip of its head using her tongue. His dick throbbed as if it was tickled as she licked it in a circular motion. The inhibitions she once had faded away as she slid her mouth down over his hard cock.

 

She felt him throbbing inside her mouth. It was long and thick, but she tried to put everything inside, she almost choked. His moaning made her ecstatic. His dick still inside her mouth when she looked up to see his face and found a glimpse of love in his eyes. Those stares that made her fall for him years ago.

 

Still holding his penis, she got up and spread her legs. She slowly slid his dick inside her wet vagina, deep within her. His hands grabbed her from the hips, squeezing her small butt, and helping her moved up and down. Her hips swayed in sexy, slow motion, feeling the hardness inside. She reached for his hand to grope her tits. The feeling of his skin brushed against hers was so arousing.

 

He was about to cum again, so he pinned her down to the bed controlling the rhythmic movements of their bodies in a faster beat. They were both whispering words of love as he filled her body with his cum.

 

Exhausted and drained with energy, they both fell with each other’s arms and slept.

 

The splash of water coming from the bathroom woke her. She got up and looked at the time. It was thirty minutes after five in the morning.

 

Sleepy, she went back to bed, but she heard the phone ringing. She turned on the lights and tried to find the one that’s ringing — it was his. Her face turned white when she saw the picture of the one calling him.

 

It was the cross-dresser. The one she made out with! Cora, the woman who was calling him was standing beside Craig, his arm coiled to her waist.

 

Her knees melted. It felt like the world crushed on her, she felt devastated. Her emotions get over her that she didn’t even ask if he was married. Nor she didn’t even check the ring on his finger.

 

Tears fell on her eyes once again. It was more painful than having cancer. She never learned her lesson. For the second time around, her heart was torn into thousands of tiny pieces.

 

She grabbed a piece of paper and wrote something for him before she hurriedly left the hotel.

 

“Babe,” he called when he finished showering. He had felt so excited to see her face again. It had been several years when they parted ways. His playboy manners and immaturity cost him the most special woman in his life. Now that they’d crossed paths again, he didn’t want to lose her again.

 

Wrapped in a piece of towel, he stepped out of the shower and found the empty bed and no Martina around. His heart skipped frantically. That couldn’t be. They already made love so how could she run away.

 

He found a small note on top of the bed, next to his folded clothes. It read, “Of all the mistakes that I’ve made, you’re my favorite. Love, Martina.”

 

It wasn’t a mistake or pure lust. It was love they felt when they made love last night. He couldn’t be wrong. His feelings for her never went away even after all the years that had passed.

 

His trail of thoughts was distracted when he heard his phone ringing. He reached for it and answered the call. It was Cora, his half-sister from his dad whom he met two years ago.

 

“Yes, sis, what’s up?” he asked, his mind still with Martina.

 

“Bro, I finally knew her name. Remember the woman I told you about? The one I made love with a few weeks ago? I knew her name. You have to help me find her,” the excitement of her voice was noticeable.

 

“Hmm,” he shortly replied.

 

“You should help me find her. She’s the only woman that brought me back to life. She was the light on my darkest day. Her smiles illuminated my life no one ever did,” she blurted, her words turned into poetry.

 

“What’s her name? You blabber too much,” he said in a sarcastic tone. He wasn’t in the mood to talk about his half-sister’s crush.

 

“Her name’s Martina. Martina Golayo.” The phone slid on his hand, his jaw dropped on the floor when he heard her name.

 

This won’t be easy.

 

-End-

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Helping one another, and being kind to each other are the steps to a more peaceful world.

Here’s an interview from Ms. Lynda Lambert who invited me to be her guest author to help me promote my book.

SCAN

27 July 2018

Post 113

SCAN is hosted by

Lynda McKinney Lambert

& Miss Opal

If you are NEW to SCAN



Visit our WELCOME PAGE:

https://llambert363.blog/welcome-page/

Guest Author: 

Frieda Taller

Note:  Normally, we publish our SATURDAY IS FOR SHARING feature on Saturday. But, this week, I am on a trip to New York City, so this feature will be coming out  Thursday night.

Hi Frieda – Miss Opal & I are pleased to present you today as our Guest Author. 

I understand you have published an e-book of your poetry.  Congratulations!   It is nice to feature a person who is just in the beginning stages of publishing poetry.

I’d like to hear more about you.

My first thought is to ask you about your name. I think it is unusual and I’d love to know the story behind it.

__________

Q_What do you think about your name? Do you use…

View original post 1,066 more words

Behind every smile is a broken heart.

And broken heart can lead to thousand of written and unwritten feelings.

2018, a new year has finally come again, leaving the year 2017 behind, but not all the things that happened that year. There were things that happened unexpectedly. Troubled company, idle career, debts filing up, and losing a father. I thought the latter was the worse that could ever happened that year. Until another special person left without saying a goodbye. And what’s worst of it all, it was Christmas time when that happened. World shattered right before my eyes, but I couldn’t be depress. So I put up a strong facade and moved on… I tried to moved on without sharing a thing to anyone. It was difficult but later on, I tried to accept that some things really would come to an end. His part on my story has come to an end.

A few months after, I started joining a writing community on Twitter and that made me inspired to write more and more each day. I met new people who helped me improved my way of writing, new people who became my online buddies. And little did I know that this year would be the  year that my dream of publishing my own book would come true. Yes, you heard me right. I have published my own e-book.

It was thrilling. Writing each piece of poem wasn’t that easy. I put my heart and mind to it, thinking of other people who have experienced the same thing like I did. And with the help of some people, some “YouTube and Google” researched, the book was finalized and was published on Amazon.com.

OMG! Like ehmaygawd! I have my own book available on Amazon where renowned and pristine writers/authors have published their book. I was so ecstatic!

It was totally a dream come true. Another thing that I have crossed out on my bucket list.

**************************

Bleeding Hearts is an honest journey of love, loss, pain and strength with some fantasized revenge. This book is divided into four chapters about how one person deals with heartache on a different level.

Link: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07DVPFK94/...

BLEEDING HEARTS (Not a love story)

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