My life took a 180 degree turn the day you left. There’s a hole inside my heart that no one can fill. I know it’s a cliché, but I felt like my heart was broke into pieces, and no matter how hard I try to pick them up and put them together, it will never be the same —this heart beats incompletely.

Four years have passed since the day I last saw you. We were happy the day before it happened. We even planned on buying a nice car. You were feeling ecstatic as we celebrated with an ice cream. Things were falling into the right places, only to find out that these pieces weren’t a fit to the puzzle.

You were my role model, and still are up to this day. It amazed me how you would start your day at 4 o’clock in the morning no matter how drunk you were the night before. I didn’t know where you got your motivation to get up in the morning every single day and work your ass off. You were self-driven, hardworking and kind to everyone. You have all the qualities a man should have, except for your alcoholism. I hated it whenever you drank with your buddies until you passed out as if there were no tomorrows.

I regret that I didn’t get to say how grateful I am to have you nor say I love you. Never in my wildest dream that it would be the last day that I would ever saw you. We didn’t even said goodbye. In a blink of an eye, I lost you.

I was devastated as I cried liters of tears that day, but like a robot with a switch off button, my tears no longer fell. I felt like I had to be strong and hide those tears away. I was surprised by myself that I could. I didn’t cry for days. But I wasn’t strong enough to hold it in. The day had come to finally say my goodbye. All the tears came flooding in, and no matter how hard I try, they won’t stop.

Four years have passed, and I still miss you everyday.

Till we meet again, father.

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