I feel anyone who is single right now and actively dating with intention, can agree it’s a difficult thing to do in 2018. I have been on and off the dating scene for the past two years. I will get on an app, connect, meet, and then wait. I wait. I wait for a call or a text from someone that seemed to be a good fit and interested. I can’t seem to find both in a guy very often, so when I do it is a good feeling. But then what? I have come across a few of these guys over the past few years and I am still single. A relationship has yet to form. But why? Why is it so hard to date today? I have a few guesses. I say guesses because I have no actual evidence of my theories. So the following is a list of my own opinions taken from my own experiences.

 

We now live in a society of instant gratification. Women want to know “what are we”? “What will we be”. “What is this”. Some want to skip over the “dating” aspect of a budding romance and go straight into meeting mom and dad and labeling whatever it is they have. Boyfriend. Girlfriend. They are eager to go from “me” to “us” and I think that scares men off pretty quickly. I think some do this speed relationship thing because they are afraid of being alone. They want to be loved and society tells us if we are single we are not worthy of love. So we sprint when we should be jogging. We rush what we should be enjoying. We want to label what we have so we feel loved and wanted. I know women who are not like this and I am not like this so I am not labeling what everyone is doing. See what I did there???
Men. I think men feel if they meet a great girl, guy whatever they can do better. It is like trying to beat your 400 track time. If I can get around that track in 60 seconds, they think “I bet I can get around it in 59 seconds” so they try to beat their time instead of just enjoying the amazing number they currently have. A lot of people, women included, think there is always something better out there. But while looking for that something better, they lose the amazing thing they had to begin with. It’s like trying to get 59 seconds and spraining your ankle. Now what? Now you can’t even get your 60. Greedy. Enjoy what you have while you have it. Nowadays not everyone is replaceable.
Dating when you’re not ready. Man this messes so many people up. So you and Johnny just broke up. It hurts. You loved him and you now have two tickets to Montana to see your parents for Christmas. Johnny is gone so you turn to your friend Jenny who tells you to get over a man you need to get under another one. No Jenny, you hoe. That is not right. You don’t get on dating apps to date unless you are ready to date. You don’t call Hugo, who has had the biggest crush on you for the last 4 years just because you’re lonely. You need to get over Johnny before you go on dates. You don’t go on dates with people who are ready to date just for you enjoyment and to forget Johnny. Heal dude. Heal before you mess someone up. Dating is not a sport. It is not something you do for fun because you are lonely.  Real people are getting real hurt because you are a weakling and don’t know how to be alone. Get it right before you hurt someone who doesn’t deserve it.
That brings me to ghosting. For those  who do not know what ghosting is, this is when you are talking to someone or dating someone and you go dark. Non-responsive. You receive texts or calls and you ignore them because you do not have the courage to tell that person you are not interested. So my question is ,is it ghosting or catch and release? Some date to see if they are still desirable. When they find they are, their needs are met and they move on, but they forget to tell you what is going on. So as they move on feeling happy and desired, you’re looking the mirror trying to figure out what you need to improve in order to be desired. All you did was get caught by a bad fisherman, or fisherwoman because women to this too. So I am not sure if its ghosting or a catch and release thing. I know it’s difficult to text someone and say “ Sorry Betty, I just didn’t feel a connection. I wish you luck” because we have no idea how Betty or Billy will react. It is scary and we don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, but what we don’t realize is by ghosting or releasing, we are not only hurting someone, we are also making them question how worthy they are, and that is so much worse than a sting of rejection for a few days.

 

As humans we all want to be loved. Some want to be loved by just one person and other want to be loved by all the people. Regardless of who we want love from, we need to learn how to date humanely, not selfishly. People are out here starting over and the last thing they need to do is to run into someone who is not serious about dating and someone who can’t be honest. As you go on and date, keep in mind the other person has feelings too.