I started this blog in January to catalog my writing journey. What a journey it has been! I learned early on that making money off of writing was about as likely as winning the lottery. Still, I hoped to be a winner. How can I be disappointed if I have sold more books than I expected? Yet, I am.

Recently, I threw a party to celebrate my second book being published. Only 6 people besides myself were present, 7 if you count the owner of the venue. I did very little advertising/marketing for the event and based on Facebook interest I knew few people would be there... still, I hoped for more. All the people who came received free food, beer and prizes which they all enjoyed. We all played games and had a great time. I even sold 3 books. Still, I hoped for more.

Book Launch Party Stand for Cyborg Dreams: The Buried Past
Is hope my bane? The reason I am so disappointed? I knew as a new sci-fi author being published by a small indie press I would likely sell very little... I knew that the timing was just off for most people and not many would make the recent party... logic and reason told me to expect little.... yet I hoped for more.

This week I received my first, appallingly disappointing, royalty check. It is amazing how much Amazon takes from the cut, they should be ashamed of themselves. Yet, I did sell more than I expected. In just the first 5 months of being a published author I sold over 100 books total, gotten into book stores, conventions, public libraries, and done signing... how can I be disappointed? After all, a year ago I would never have thought I would even be a published author.

Me reading my first book, and enjoying it.
Disappointment is part of the writing journey, no matter how much you steel yourself with facts. The only question is, what do I do with the feelings? This gut wrenching feeling that I am a total failure because I can't make any real money off of writing? This horrid feeling of rejection because people didn't show up to my party? Do I stop writing? Give up? Do I throw the towel in and say "I tied."

What is next?

I have to remember why I started writing in the first place-- because I enjoy it! I love to write. I have a story to tell and that story isn't finished. I never quit. I am a finisher and I will deliver.

I am going to swallow the hard pill of disappointment and write my last book in the Cyborg Dreams trilogy... no matter what.

Will anyone care? Maybe not. Will anyone read it? Maybe no one.

Nevertheless, I write for me.