Something that inevitably comes up when I’m talking to people about my work is my love of using first person. I am an unashamed Firstie. But first person can be a divisive beast. First person present tense? Well… I may as well have just told you I hate kittens and puppies (Of course I don’t – I’m not a monster!).

When asked about my obsession with first person writing, I always answer with some variation of how first person PoV feels incredibly immersive for me, like I’m actually inside the character’s head. I like that, I like those deep thoughts, getting to experience what the character is, though it can be incredibly difficult when the character is having a rough time – I’m looking at you, Sabine in Ask Me Again and also you, Celeste in Alone.

Speaking of Alone, I’ve had a few people approach me as they’ve been reading with their thoughts and theories, so I thought I’d try to explain a few things and what I hoped to accomplish. I've tried all kinds of magic, but it seems I can't use spoiler tags for blog posts. If you haven’t read Alone then keep reading at your own peril. I take no responsibility for spoiled things!


THIS
IS
SPOILER
SPACING
AND
IS
PROBABLY
COMPLETELY
POINTLESS
BUT
I'M
HAVING
FUN
HITTING
THE
ENTER
KEY
:)



Alone was really the perfect vessel for a first person present tense novel. The present tense was natural and immediately comfortable for someone like Celeste who is just living moment to moment by herself. It gives you tedium, it gives you her immediate sense of her experience, it forces you to be involved. Double thumbs up. The first person sticks you right inside the mind of someone living in an interesting scenario. Double thumbs and double toes up.

If you read the blurb, then I think it’s rather obvious that Olivia is part of the whole thing from the start. Even if you don’t, I’m pretty sure it’s clear she’s involved somehow. Some people are picking up on who she is, others just that she’s in on it. Come closer...closer…no, that’s too close, you’re standing on my foot.

I wanted that.

I wanted you, the reader to experience the book and the whole while know something was coming. Know that Olivia wasn’t quite who she said she was. And I wanted you to be stuck inside someone’s head who had NO idea what was going on, until she knew. Because how good is that? Well not good, but you know, good. Honestly, I’m feeling a little bit smug about it. Okay okay, it’s a bit manipulative Clockwork Orange of me to force readers to be rushing towards a train wreck inside an oblivious bystander’s head, but at the same time – I’m not sorry.

But, pals, I admit, it was hard to write. Not in the sense of getting words onto a page but to have someone like Celeste and put her through that. To be in the head of someone who doesn’t know, but I knew everything that was happening. Talk about a head trip.
I’ve also spotted some really interesting things about the deeper psychological nature of the whole thing, which has been awesome to read. You guys are so clever.

One of the trickiest things for me with this book was Olivia’s genuine love for Celeste. Because as Celeste said (and I’m paraphrasing here) ‘If you loved me, how could you do that?’ Fair point. Poor Olivia, she really was wedged firm between rock and hard place. A bigger/longer explanation of Olivia’s reasoning and feelings was something I would have loved to delve into further to really push it home that she did the best she could with the cards she’d been dealt. And yes, it’s a legit deep lurve and connection.
But pace and flow and all that. And being a first person novel, well here you have one of its limitations. So I did the best I could and hoped with everything that people saw that Olivia was genuine, though her method was perhaps not the best it was all she could do when forced by their shared circumstances.

Ugh, I could ramble for hours about this. But I’m at work and supposed to be doing actual job things, but I just had to blurt this out.

Guys, I love this novel. But like I’ve been saying – it’s a bit weird. But good weird…