[image error]

My book, The 90-Second Mind Manager, was published June 15, 2015 and I wanted to share the first chapter with you because it exposes you to some different ways of thinking that can change how you interact with the world around you. And, just think, dramatic differences in thinking can take place in 90 seconds, or less!!!

Enjoy!

Chapter 1

Does the 90-Second Mind Manager Really Work?

Many years ago, I had an experience that really frustrated me, not unlike one you may have experienced sometime in your life.  I was driving home and ready to make the final turn into the road my home is on and was almost hit by a person that made a left-hand turn right in front of me.  As I watched her, it was as if she saw my car and decided to proceed, even though she almost caused an accident.

In that split second of time my emotion went from one of horror that this person was endangering me and my family to one of anger.  You know this feeling.  Once that I knew we were all safe, my adrenaline shot up and my anger went with it.  I instantly decided to follow this person to tell them that they are a thoughtless, mindless, and stupid person.  I followed them to their home, which happened to be on my street.  I sat at the end of their driveway waiting for the person to get out of their car.  I even rolled my window down so that I was ready to tell them to remove their head from a place where the sun never shines.  They didn’t get out of their car and only sat and watched to see what I was going to do.  At my wife’s insistence, I finally turned around and headed home.

Now, after having time to think about the situation, I asked myself what good would have been done had I satisfied my desire to let the person know my feelings about them and their lack of driving prowess.  In reality, probably none.  They put others in danger just so they could get home quickly and, somehow, they rationalized their actions.  What bothers me most about this situation is this; What would have happened had I interacted with this person and let my emotions drive the behaviors?  The possibilities are endless: They range from apologies to violence with one or both of us going to jail.

Here’s what’s important and why I shared this story with you; with the passing of a few seconds of time (no more than 90 seconds to be exact) my reaction to the circumstances could have changed, even though the circumstances remained the same.

Now, think about times when something similar has happened to you.  Do you remember what you felt?  More importantly, can you identify the circumstances that occurred that primed you to react the way you did?  I relate these times to being like leaving voicemail.  Remember a time when you left a voicemail and said something you wanted to take back or said something in a way you wish you wouldn’t have?  When those things happen, you want to be able to push a “Retrieve” button and start over, don’t you?  It would be even better if you and I said and did the right things the first time, every time.

That is the intent of this book. We can reclaim the power we have over our emotions, thoughts, and beliefs so that better decisions can be made and we can create the future we truly desire.

The first example I shared of how The 90-Second Mind Manager has application is one of an everyday occurrence, at least in Dallas, TX.  Do the contents of the book really work in more dramatic, life-altering occurrences?  What I’m about to share with you is a very personal experience to show you how powerful being a 90-Second Mind Manager can be.  And, what area can have more impact on your life than death?

Our social conditioning through our background, environment, and beliefs tell us that when someone we love dies there must be an extended period grief. Yet, did you know that a person could complete the grieving process in one day…maybe less? But, here’s why we don’t: Our culture (our background, environment, and beliefs) in the Western World would frown on that. Our love for the deceased would be questioned because of the seeming lack of compassion and emotion. I experienced this myself when my 36-year-old daughter died the morning of March 31, 2013.

My daughter had experienced three types of cancer for about two years, then, she went into what the doctors called “full remission”. Six months later, her cancer came back…and with a vengeance. It took only a few weeks for her to succumb to the cancer and die.  The last time I saw my daughter alive, I remember seeing her lying in the bed and looking up at me and my daughter’s last words to me were, “Daddy, when I think of God, I think of you.”

During the previous six months, I had orchestrated a two-day business conference with 14 speakers over those two days that was scheduled to take place three days after my daughter’s death.  I was the person that assembled the entire event.  If I didn’t show up, the event wouldn’t happen and I couldn’t disappoint the speakers and attendees who had invested time and money in this event.  How was I going to successfully conduct a two-day conference only three days after the death of my only daughter?  I used the process that I’m going to share with you:

My current environment that I had created as a thought and community leader served as a source of strength, along with the wonderful people I had surrounding me.
My background of past experiences with death of loved ones served to remind me that after the death of someone you love what is most important and most significant is how that loved one is remembered.
My education in religious teachings and philosophies helped me to understand the broader context of death. The choices of meaning a person can give to death and the expectations of different cultures and societies all affects us.  I was also aware that, in reality, people don’t need lengthy and drawn-out grieving processes.
My own belief system of how the human mind and emotions can be easily managed through creating “contracts” with it. For example, at the time of my daughter’s death, I made a contract with my mind and emotions that I would hold off grieving until after the conference and then would I follow through with the grieving process. After the conference, I followed through and completed that “contract”.

As expected, people attempted to make me feel guilty because I didn’t publicly grieve. They wondered how I could carry on with life so quickly and not be absorbed and drowning in grief.  I had grieved the amount a human really needs… not what society or culture demands.

About two weeks after my daughter’s funeral I was lying in bed with my wife (not the mother of my daughter).  Out of the darkness of our bedroom came the sudden remark, “You need to grieve more”.  I replied, “I have grieved.”  To which she replied, “But, you need to grieve more.  You haven’t cried enough.  You need to let it out.”  I sat up in bed and said, “So, you want me to cry and carry on like most people do because you think I need that.  I don’t.  I’ve cried alone and had my times of grieving.  What you’re asking me to do is to give the same meaning that most people do to death:  To feel sorry for myself that she’s no longer here and to feel bad for me.  That’s not the meaning I choose to give to the death of my daughter.  I choose to give her death a higher meaning by celebrating her life.  I choose to remember her alive and well.  I choose to remember the little girl with the fuzzy head of hair that always wanted to stop and inspect the flowers, rocks, and every little thing as we walked.  I choose to remember the beautiful young woman who, even when she was in her wheelchair knowing she was going to die soon, would light up the room with her bright smile and cheerful voice when she entered.  That’s the memory I choose to have of my daughter.”

Isn’t it interesting that, somehow, vague, made-up time frames have been put in place that say “If you don’t grieve this long then you really didn’t love that person”? Think about grown children whose parent has died insist that the surviving parent wait a year or longer before dating. What a burden to place on someone because of a made-up tradition!

In some cultures it is considered in bad-taste to weep and mourn at a funeral. They believe that God always knows the right time for us to leave the earth and that death is graduation. Some also believe that grieving at someone’s death is a lack of knowledge of life and would be showing selfishness. Since the person has gone to a better place, they’re feeling sorry for no one but themselves and the loss they are experiencing. Even here in the U.S., some families have chosen to have a “Celebration of Life” ceremony versus a funeral because they choose to give the meaning of appreciation and happiness to the life of the deceased, instead of mourning their own loss.

As you will discover, becoming a 90-Second Mind Manager has major implications in how you can learn to manage the “little” things in life, as well as life’s most important aspects.

****

If you would like to get a copy of The 90-Second Mind Manager, here is a link: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/540978.  Or, you can go to almost any other online bookstore.

Does your organization need a speaker who will not only educate and inform, but entertain so as to get maximum ROI from your people’s time?  Call me at 972.900.9207 or email me at ed@trans-think.com.

Dr. Edward Lewellen is an expert in creating methodologies for people to learn to use their mind; their beliefs, thoughts, and behaviors, and put them back in control of their lives and become top-producers. He is a Master Executive Coach, leadership and sales expert, and keynote speaker for some of the largest global organizations.

Author of:

Life Mastery: The Fully Functional Life

The 90-Second Mind Manager