Only In Ozarium
Andy Astroh

“Howdy, folks! I’m Andy Astroh! Come on down to my shop, Andy’s Automatons of the Future, located about two kilometers past the Anchor’s Away building downtown, smack dab beside the Pickle Smoothie shop. You can’t miss it. All you have to do is stick that nose of yours in the air and sniff. Ha-ha! Park your air car on the roof and take the elevator down to the 4th floor and see one of my associates. They’ll find you a robot that’ll fit your needs pronto! 
"I guarantee it!“My associate will show you an automaton that has been fitted inside what we call a Body-Boot made of synthetic skin. Your new robot buddy will look like a human. Awesome, right? And what's even more awesome is that my products are reasonably priced. You can't go anywhere in the colony and find an automaton this reasonable, folks. No kidding! 
"Plus, I'll even throwing in a positronic brain. No robot salesman in their right mind throws in a free brain. It's unheard of! It's horrific! It might even bankrupt a business!“....But not mine."Ha-ha!“Do you actually think my competition, Ricardo over at Ricardo’s Robot World, throws in a positronic brain for free? Not gonna happen. That guy is so tight he squeaks when he strolls. That guy is so tight he only buys groceries off the table titled Clearance. That guy is so bad he’ll sell you a defunct, half-wit, junk of a robot that giggles and rolls its eyes and whoops and whistles and blows raspberries while doing a Michale Jackson jig across your living room floor.“Surely, you don’t want that. Do you? 
"Do you?“If you’re pinching pennies, folks, or don’t have enough dough to keep your old robot maintained or—worse—already have a robot infected with that nasty Tourette Syndrome Virus and does nothing but spat curses at you when you instruct it to clean your house, it is time to buy a new robot.“Listen: If you actually have one of those buggers with that virus you don’t have to listen to all that negativity day in, day out. You’re the boss—not it. Detach its power source and bring it to me. I will allow you to exchange it for a new one. No joke. I will trade you for one of my best, my finest, machines. Guaranteed!“I’ll even do one better: I’ll even throw in a life-time warranty. That’s right! A lifetime warranty on any robot you buy from me!“Who does that anymore? Ricardo? Pah-lease!"But I sure do!"Ha-ha!“Plus….plus….there's more, folks, another plus if you mention this ad you will receive 20 percent off your purchase. 
"Does it sound too good to be true? Does all this sound like I just took a dive off the bridge? Well, all you unbelievers out there get your ass off the couch and come down and prove me wrong. I'll show you that I'm right.  "Ha-ha!“So, what the hells are you waiting for? Get down here and see me or one of my associates. We'll get you going with a brand spanking new robot with a fah-ree positronic brain with a life time warranty.
"Until then, have yourselves a great day, have a safe day, and don’t forget to stick those oxygen masks over your face during the upcoming Jupiter Day, the one time of the month when the air is gaseous and lacks oxygen. Safety first!
"Ha-ha!“Until then, see ya soon, folks!”
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