I thought it would be quite cool to introduce you to some of my characters but to also explain why I've chosen to write them that way.

I suppose I should start with one of my favourite characters in the shape of Naz from 'Mother, Dearest', which was my debut novel.

Naz is a deeply flawed but well meaning character. He has grown up in a horribly abusive family that would mock his sexual orientation and his mental health issues. When his mother dies, he begins to wonder why he isn't grieving like some of his relatives seemingly are.

All of this leads to his mental health deteriorating. His panic attacks get worse. Black outs start to come more often and he even begins to start to see things that may or may not be there. This kicks off his journey in 'Mother, Dearest', when he is given a note after an attack inviting him to a place that will change how he sees the world around.

Naz is a character that is very dear to my heart and, I suppose, one that I am deeply protective of. I wrote him in a very specific way and that was intentional. I have mental health issues myself, including panic attacks, and I wanted to put that in to the story itself as a way of saying that they can happen to anyone but that it doesn't mean that the person is weak if it does. I also tried to include the fact that any little thing can cause them. A smell, a sound, a memory. I wanted his attacks to be as authentic as possible. Mine aren't anywhere near as bad as they were but I wanted to include the feelings of loneliness, uselessness and even self loathing that sometimes came with them.

I also, while growing up, didn't get the chance to read a lot of stories with characters that were under the LGBTQ+ banner. This meant that, for years, I was never sure if I was 'normal' and if I felt was okay. Don't get me wrong, I didn't come from a homophobic background or anything like that but the lack of representation was something that was lacking. Even when I did find books with such a character then they were nearly always the gay best friend stock character that would be there to take the main character shopping or to be the comic relief. I didn't want that for my characters so I wrote Naz as a gay character but in such a way that he was the mirror image of another of my characters Satara. Naz was the quiet, shy and unsure of himself one, much like I was and still am not to a lesser degree. Satara is the loud, brash, camp, confident person that I wish I could be. The one that's sharp as a tack and has a retort for every situation.

It took a lot for me to get Naz, as a character, on to the page. Part of that was because of the simple fact that, even today, I second guessed myself and wondered if people would want to read a character that identified in a similar way to me. Another part of that was the simple fact that there is so much rampant homophobia in the world, and especially on social media where they can do so anonymously and seemingly with no consequence, that I was scared that I would get the equivalent of being tarred and feathered for having such a character, or rather set of characters.

I needn't have worried about the first one at all. People have really taken the characters to heart and I have had some wonderful comments and reviews.

The second, however, did come to fruition. There was a lot of homophobic abuse hurled my way via social media. It got to the point where I actually considered not writing the follow up. It really did. But after a stern talking to from my partner Golda and one of my favourite authors in the shape of Barbara Avon, I went ahead with the second book in the series, continuing Naz's story.

All in all, it's been a tough ride but worth it and I truly hope you love the characters as much as I do.

I'll be back soon with another look at a different character of mine.

Be safe, be kind, be saucy.

Love you all.

Pat

Mother, Dearest