I’ve just finished reading Everything I never told you by Celeste Ng (spoilers ahead).

It sat under my skin for a bit and those are the best books.

I find that this book answers the following “What If” questions:

It draws a line from those unceilinged expectations of immigrant parents to...

What if their expectations are so high, it kills the child?

What if the child tries to rise to meet those expectations?

I've had my own Lydia moments. I’m surprised Lydia expired at age 16. I tried to carry on those expections well into my adulthood and it was only a few years ago that I consciously let go of it.

My expectations of myself had also become so high that I kept letting myself down before each day even began.

Then, I looked inside myself and realised I wasn’t the type of person who didn’t do enough. If it looked like it wasn’t enough from the outside, that was ok with me because deep inside I knew I was doing enough.

And this is the conversation every immigrant child has to have at some point with themselves.

In Lydia, we see her try to meet those expectations and eventually it kills her.

In Nath, he responds by running away to university.

In Hannah, the youngest, we see her disappear into herself.

Luckily, when I stopped trying to meet my parents’ expectations of myself, I didn’t feel like they stopped loving me. It taught me instead about their unconditional love.

I hope you have the courage today to stop. If you feel like this, just stop and look inside yourself. What or who do I want to be? Who do I want to look back at as my older self and be proud of?

Those were the things I choose to do.

Celeste Ng
Everything I Never Told You