CHAPTER 4
In April of 1983 Amber had just turned ten years old. She had been having very bad nightmares. Amber and Kelly had shared an L-shaped bunk bed and on occasion, Amber would fall out of the bed landing on her sister.
One night she had been dreaming of falling down into a very deep, dark pit and could not find her way out. As she reached for the side of the pit, the roots had turned into snakes of all kinds. She began to scream and let go of the snakes. She fell deeper and deeper. All of a sudden, she felt someone grab her arm, stopping her fall into the black unknown. The person who saved her was her great-grandma Clarabelle. Amber awoke shaken by the dream. She saw a shimmering light come across her body. She knew at once Clarabelle was dead, coming to save her in that horrible dream. Amber was enveloped in an overwhelming feeling of loss and fear, crying out that great-grandma had died. The phone rang at that very moment, confirming her premonition.
This was the first death, viewing, and funeral that Amber had ever experienced. Some people thought that she was too young and should not attend. Her relatives, however, had no problems with her attending, as this was the cycle of life.
Amber was frightened and curious at the same time. The funeral home was one of the oldest in town. Generations of families had used their services over the years. Amber was told it was a common practice to wear black but did not understand why. Since she was a child, she did not own any black clothing and was permitted to wear a dark blue dress.
As the family entered the funeral home, Amber held her mother’s hand tightly and stayed very close to her brother and sister. The funeral home appeared to be very large, with many rooms. Amber hoped she would not get lost. She was led to the coat closet and was told where the bathroom was. As she looked around in the entryway, she was not sure where Clarabelle was. Her mother pointed her in the direction of numerous chairs and an open pink casket. Amber could not see anything in the casket from where they were standing. She was not sure she wanted to go any closer, having never seen a dead body and not knowing what to expect. She forgot about her fears for a while as she began to wonder how many other dead people were in the other rooms. How and what did they do with the dead bodies before the families arrived? Where were the caskets for sale displayed?
She began to roam around and was stopped by one of the assistant funeral directors. He explained to her, “The rest of the funeral home is off-limits out of respect for the other families. I can, however, show you and your siblings the casket room and answer any questions you may have.”
The children had many questions… How many colors do these come in? What shapes and sizes are there? What are they made of? Why the ruffles and what is the white cloth hiding? Do they lock? Can the bodies fall out? What happens to them once they are in the ground? How much do they cost? The assistant was very kind and answered all of their questions. Amber was still unsure why people wore black. He told her, “It is simply out of respect because people are in mourning and missing the loved ones that are no longer with us.” He helped keep the children occupied while the droves of people arrived and waited for services to begin.
After the viewing and funeral services ended, Clarabelle was taken to her final resting place. Morgan had instructed her children, “Wait here in the car until the burial is complete because this may be too traumatic for you. It will be easier to come back later when all these people have left, and the graveyard looks normal again. We can also look for other relative’s tombstones and retell stories they have told us before they passed.” After Morgan closed the door and left, Amber looked out the window. She was startled to see a tractor sitting on top of the hill. She knew exactly what its job was and what it was waiting for. She did not want her last memory to be of them lowering her great-grandmother into the hole and covering her casket with dirt.
The death of Clarabelle had an impact on many people far and wide. There was a sea of black clothing in Harold’s home as family members and friends gathered after services for a meal. Once again, Amber started to feel very uncomfortable and claustrophobic.
As she entered the room, she saw a smiling familiar face, if only for a second. Clarabelle was sitting in Harold’s favorite seat! Not many people would understand that Clarabelle appeared to be joyful of the outcome. She had previously told her family members, “I am ready to go home to be with God. My body has been failing me for a while. It is just a matter of time and I know it! I have made my peace with all the bad in this family. I understand the need to grieve my passing, but I do not want to be the reason you stop living your lives to the fullest.”
The viewing, funeral, and family gathering afterward took the entire day. Morgan and the children were exhausted by the time they returned home. Amber was to read a current event in front of her class when school resumed. As a tribute to Clarabelle, Amber chose her grandma’s obituary for the assignment.