Here are 4 happiness illusion that steals away your joy.

You know the feeling of seeing happy couples anywhere you turn? I wanted SO bad to be one of them! 

I wanted not only to be in a relationship but to have someone to hold my hand, open doors for me, buy me flowers, call before bed, have someone to come back home to… I was so desperate to experience all of that relationship stuff that it literally hurt me to watch other ppl be together.

To me, being a couple equaled being happy. 

Don’t get me wrong – I wasn’t jealous of them, and I sure didn’t envy people in a bad way. I just wished I had what they have because then, my brain convinced me that I could finally – FINALLY! – be happy! 

And as always, life or destiny or fate or the Universe – whoever you want – found a way to do a reality check with me. 

I was suddenly stuck in the most life-sucking, loveless relationship you can imagine. I mean, there was love – but now that I look back, it was one-sided.  

It took me years to learn that you can’t expect your partner to fill out your void. You can’t expect your partner to satisfy your emotional cravings. You can’t expect your partner to help you deal with the trauma from the past.

It’s not fair but even if it were fair, it’s completely impossible for someone else to make you happy – every day, all day long.  

I spend most of the time on my own today – I eat lunch alone, I take myself out on dinner dates, I live alone and yet, I swear, I haven’t felt lonely for a minute! 

Hollywood and all of those rom-coms we’ve soaked up as kids have really messed with our heads and the expectations we have from romantic relationships. The princess in the movie is always miserable on her own but once Prince Charming shows up along in her life, she suddenly has everything, yada yada! 

Yeah… it doesn’t work like that in real life.  

The truth is, it takes a lot of work to be part of a healthy, emotionally-satisfying relationship. Both sides have to be willing to participate and make compromises if you want it to work in the long run. 

Both sides have to be happy on their own before they can be happy together! 

Your partner can only be PART of your life and PART of the reason why you’re happy. The rest is up to you – you have to make yourself happy first. It’s my best advice to you, before you even consider getting into a relationship, know what makes you happy and know how to make yourself happy without needing anyone.

Any other way, and you’ll be putting just too much of a burden on your partner and too much of a burden on yourself. 

Trust me, if there was a Happiness destination, I’d take you all with me. It’s just that being happy doesn’t exactly work this way. 

We all have goals we work for in life. Most of the time, we want to do something because we believe that in the end, it’s going to change our life for the better.

When I was in college, while working on getting my degree, money was tight. Naturally, I believed that a job that pays well is the solution to all my problems. 

Next thing I know, I have a job. And it pays well. And I love working. But soon after, I’m restless again. What if I could get a promotion – and earn even more money? 

I have everything I’ve ever wanted and you know what happens? I’m feeling miserable! I’m crying myself to sleep, I’m anxious, and I’m depressed even though according to my brain, I should’ve been the happiest woman on the planet. 

That’s what happens to all of us once we realize that happiness doesn’t hide in the next big promotion or the next big house. Actually, once you buy a big house, soon after you want a bigger house. And after you get a bigger house, you start wanting an even bigger house. 

Now, asking for more and wanting more out of life is definitely, definitely not a bad thing. It’s just that it puts your focus on the FUTURE, rather than on the present! Happiness is never in the future, it never hides in a future moment – happiness is right here and right now. 

Nowadays, there are bits and moments when I realize just how happy I am. Tiny, fleeting moments where I’m suddenly like – oh wow, I’m really happy now! I’m sitting in my apartment, it’s raining outside but nothing too bad; I see the San Francisco skyline; Leo’s napping on the couch, and I have music playing in the background. What’s there NOT to be happy about? 

All of that I just described is making me ten times as happy than any of the big checks or big promotions ever made me feel! 

There was a time in my life when deep down, I was convinced it’s all a lie. The happy life is a lie. Happiness is a lie. There’s no such thing as a happy life. 

Looking back at it from this perspective, I’m pretty sure I was going through a VERY bad patch in life. I was angry at the world, I was angry at the people around me but mostly, I was angry with myself. 

I wish I could tell you there was one particular event that changed my life and opened my heart in a way that taught me how to allow myself to feel but the reality is, it took me years to accept the whole emotional spectrum.  

There’s this common belief that a happy life doesn’t involve any sadness or frustration or anger or disappointment – and that’s just not true. Again, Hollywood movies, I blame you!  

We’ve spent years labeling emotions as positive and negative, learning to attract more of the good vibes and avoid the bad ones but unfortunately, that’s not how any of this works. 

The whole point of unpleasant emotions is to help us raise our own awareness and find out what’s wrong – are we missing out on something? Is our heart aching for something else? Do we have any emotional needs that need to be met? 

After years and years on working on myself and my own personal development, after a lot of heartache and taking as much time as I needed to heal my old wounds, I learned it’s impossible to have the yang without the yin.

Emotions are there to be felt but emotions alone aren’t the only indicator of a good life because honestly now… emotions sometimes do get the best of all of us.

Being happy at one particular moment doesn’t mean we’ll never again feel anger or disappointment or grief. However, feeling all of those things doesn’t wipe away happiness because that’s just not how happiness works! 

If you’re going through a period in life where you think all of this – the hours you invest in working and improving yourself – are pointless, here’s your reminder to be gentle to yourself. Express whatever it is you’re feeling – resentment, fear, disappointment – and make room to feel something amazing. I guarantee, you won’t regret it! 

Are you on social media? You probably are. We all are. 

You know, I’ve been using social media for more than a decade now. You know I live in SF, so you could basically say I watched how social media was born. I knew the people working on it behind the scenes… I knew what they wanted to achieve… and yet, I fell victim to it. 

Better said, I fell victim to the content I saw online. 

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have anything against social media, and neither should you. 

As long as you use it right, social media is a wonderful tool, however, the problem is, how many of us can stay immune to the comparison that stems from using social media? 

That’s right, no one! 

We’ve all been there. 

We’ve felt bad when we saw friends having fun on Instagram stories without us. 

We’ve felt a sting of jealousy and regret when we stalked our ex and found out he’s dating a new girl now. 

We’ve all wondered whether we’re doing alright with our careers when we see posts about people getting promoted or landing better jobs or achieving big things while we’re still struggling to make ends meet. 

And we’ve all taught to ourselves, even if it’s for a tiny, insignificant millisecond - everyone’s happy but me…….. We’ve felt worthless, unproductive, and ultimately, UNHAPPY, just because of a tiny little image we saw on our phone. How crazy is that? 

But the life we see others living on social media is not real life. Think about it - you probably don’t post as much about your failures as much as you do about your victories? Well, the same applies to others!

We control social media, we decide what we see there, and we decide whether we allow it to make us feel lonely or not worthy of love or like a complete failure but every time you’re tempted to think any thoughts like that, just remember that no one has a perfect life. 

Everyone has some good days and some bad days but in the end, we decide what we choose to focus on. Put your focus on the good days, shine some gratitude on whatever’s going good for you! 

I encourage you to start using social media as a place to lift and inspire others, as a place where you seek motivation and inspiration, not as a place where you compare yourself to others. 

You have all the freedom in the world to design your feed, and don’t be scared to unfollow people or brands who make you feel bad or unworthy or unhappy... 

And remember, if someone’s life seems too good to be true…. Then you’re not far away from the truth!