Imagine a person who walks up to a counter at the airport to buy a plane ticket for his next vacation. 

“Just give me a ticket,” he says to the reservation agent. “Anywhere will do.” 

The agent stares back at him in disbelief. 

“I’m sorry, sir,” she replies. “I’ll need some more details. Just minor things—such as the name of your destination city and your arrival and departure dates.” 

“Oh, I’m not fussy,” says the would-be traveler. “I just want to get away. You choose for me.” 

Now compare this person to another traveler who walks up to the counter and says, “I’d like a ticket to Ixtapa, Mexico, departing on Saturday, March 23, and returning Sunday, April 7. Please give me a window seat, first class, with vegetarian meals.” 

Ask yourself which traveler is more likely to end up with a vacation that he’ll enjoy. The same principle applies in any area of life, including NLP. Discovering what you want and having a plan to get there helps you succeed in life, and NLP is a tool to help you get there faster. 

Look at your list of true desires and pick 10 specific outcomes, that you feel are the most important to you.

Make a list of the 10 outcomes in order of importance.

For outcome #1, write the answer to “If I got that, what would it do for me?”. Think about the consequences of achieving each outcome: how would it influence your life? How would you change as a result? How would you feel and think and behave differently than today? How is it going to affect your relationship with other people? 

For outcome #1, ask yourself and answer: “do I feel more or less motivated to achieve it?”:

If the answer is “less”, change outcome #1 to something more important to you. If it’s “more”, then describe where in your body your feel this motivation? What sensations do you get, and where exactly, as you think about achieving each specific outcome? 

Now take outcome #1, and write it down in this format (replace X with your outcome and Y with what it will do for you): “When I get to X, I would/will Y.” 

Now look back at what you’ve written and consider each of your answers to the previous questions. Ask yourself: “And when I get Y, what will that do for me?”. Write down your answers. 

On the surface we all seem to have the same type of outcomes. We each want to earn enough money (or more than enough) to support ourselves and our families. We all want to be happy and have lots of friends. We want to be strong and healthy and attractive. We want to ‘figure life out’. That’s the surface structure of our language, what we absorb from our culture, our parents and our wild imagination. Then there’s a deep structure, hiding in the background. By exposing this deep structure, we get to experience our true desires and become congruent with our choices. 

A student want to succeed in his NLP course, because he wants to change his career and start a coaching business. What will that do for him? Perhaps he thinks it will give him financial security and more freedom to do as he wishes. And what will THAT do for him? Maybe financial security is an important value in his life and it will free his mind of worries? And what will THAT do for him? Being worry free, he believes, would enable him to become more present and aware. And what will THAT do for him? Being more present and aware, he would experience a stronger connection to other people, especially his children. And what will THAT do for him? 

You get the idea… deeper and deeper. 

The question “what it will do for me?”, gives you the key to unlock the deep hidden meanings of your seemingly earthly outcome. Ask sincerely and repeatedly, for outcome #1, what will the result do for you? And then ask again, what will THAT result do for you? 

Take your original outcome #1, and complete this sentence, fast and without thinking: “Yes, BUT…”

We’ll deal with these objections and obstacles later on, but in the meantime imagine each one of them as a huge rock blocking your path. Give each of them a specific color and a shape:

Take outcome #1 and rewrite it in a positive way. If you outcome is “to lose 10% body fat” or “eliminate my fear of flying”, change it to something like, “my body has only 11% fat” and “I enjoy flying”: 

For outcome #1, answer: how will you know when you’ve achieved it? What exactly will happen then? What would you see, hear and feel, as this outcome becomes a reality? How would people behave around you? How will you behave around other people?

Think carefully about the context of your outcome #1. If your outcome is to be more passionate with your spouse, it would be only appropriate in certain locations and at certain times, not anywhere and anytime, right? For outcome #1, answer: Exactly when, where and with whom do you wish this outcome to be effective? 

Consider the side effects of achieving outcome #1. Is there anything you or others will lose when you achieve this outcome? What are these things? Are you willing to accept the responsibility and consequences? How will you handle these loses? 

There’s a famous, and true, saying: “if you don’t have a plan for your life, you’ll end up a part of someone else’s plan and guess what – they don’t have your best interests in mind”. When your outcome depends on other people’s choices, your chances and slim and you have to exert a whole lot of effort to get it. “I want other people to respect or admire me” is unattainable. “I want to behave, think and handle my affairs in a respectful, authentic and serious manner” is attainable. Other people’s reactions or choices are made in their heads, not yours. Ask yourself: “Is achieving this outcome #1 within my control?”

For outcome #1 ask yourself, what skills and abilities and other resources (money, connections, knowledge, etc.) do you have currently, that make it more likely for you to achieve this outcome? Define the resources you will need for achieving this outcome. Who can help you and how exactly? What physical items you absolutely need to make progress? What new skills you might have to learn? What information is needed and where will you get it? How much money is required? Be specific and thorough. 

For outcome #1, specify: What do you still need to get or ask for, that you don’t currently have, in order to achieve this outcome elegantly and promptly? 

For outcome #1, specify: Who can help you get what you need to achieve your outcome? How else can you get anything else you need for the achievement of this outcome?

Take outcome #1 and build an internal image of it. Can you experience your outcome, in your mind, clearly? Can you see, hear and feel what it WILL be like in the near future, when you ‘have it’? Write a sentence or two for outcome #1, that describes this internal image. 

Divide outcome #1 to 10 milestones. What are the most important action steps you must take in order to achieve this outcome within a realistic time frame?

Do you truly believe that pursuing outcome #1 is important and meaningful? If yes, why exactly? If not, why did you choose this outcome at all? (here you have a chance to rewrite it).

How exactly would you feel ashamed, guilty or anxious if you did less than your best to achieve outcome #1? Describe the inner conversation you will have with yourself if, a year or two from today, you regret not taking the appropriate action steps. 

Do you want to achieve outcome #1 for personal reasons, or to please someone else?

Is the pursuit of outcome #1 exciting? enjoyable? satisfying? Describe the feelings and sensation you’re expecting from the journey towards fulfilling the outcome, from taking courageous actions and building your inner strength in the process. 

Does outcome #1 represent a deeply felt personal dream? Describe it:

How would a disciplined successful achievement of outcome #1 change the way that you see yourself?

How would achieving outcome #1 affect the lives of the people around you? Family, relatives, friends, colleagues? 

How would achieving outcome #1 affect the broader community you live in? 

Until when exactly would you like to achieve outcome #1? Be specific, you can change the deadline later. 

How will you monitor your own behavior to ensure you’re making progress towards your desired outcome #1? 

How can you ensure you’re not pushing yourself too hard and burn out, while working on outcome #1? How would you know if the opposite is true – being too easy on yourself and becoming bored and cynical? 

What is a first small step which you could take in the next 3 days, towards the realization of outcome #1? Write it down on a sticky note and attach it to your computer screen. 

Repeat this whole process with outcomes #2 to #10.