Today I was talking to me kids about drinking and driving. I think it's extremely important to keep a open dialog with your kids about everything. My open conversations is the one place I do take off my mom hat and become more of a friend so they feel comfortable confiding to me about things they experience with friends and or family.
I have lost many friends in my life because of a drunk driver or because they were drinking and driving. I have had family and friends come close to death or has past away from years of drinking. I have seen friends get phone calls and drop to their knees screaming the most painful scream a person could ever hear because they have lost a child or love one do to drinking in driving. Those are all events that are embedded into my soul for the rest of my life.
When I was explaining to my kids some of those painful experiences in my life it quickly reminded me that one simple bad choice can change your life and others so quickly.
I wasn't a perfect child at all and will never claim I was. At one point as a teenager and in my early twenties, I really couldn't care less if I lived or died. If I'm REALLY truthful with you and myself I can and will truthfully say I was looking for ways to die. I was tired of living. My mind, body and soul had enough. I seen no point to continue on with life. So, I was reckless. I didn't care how I died I just really wanted it to end. I put myself in danger. I put people around me in danger and I'm sure I put the community around me in danger by drinking and driving even taking large amount of pills. By the grace of God's hands nobody ever was hurt or killed by my actions.
I refuse to hind those things from my kids. Some people don't think I'm very wise, some believe I'm making my actions look glamorous.
I don't hide my past from my kids because I want them to see my shame. I don't hide those dark moments because I want them to see my embarrassment, my pain, and feel the emotions that flow from me when I tell them the truth.
I also feel it's important to tell them how lucky I was. It takes a split second for a person to alter their lives and others forever. I don't have a the foggiest idea how or why I made it through some of the dangers I put myself into. I am nobody special. I'm just a women who is still trying to figure out who she is. I know my blogs are expose to be about books and my writing but I also feel "blogs" have to be more personal then that.
I think with my conversation with my kids, it made me feel the urgency to remind people that they are not alone. I know that's a hard one to drill home to someone who feels tired and alone. I know this because in my darkest moments, people could tell me "I love you" or " I care about you" but when your in those darker moments in life nothing sounds real. Hell, who am I trying to fool even in my brighter days I still have the hardest time believing those words. But I can promise anyone out there who actually might be reading this, it doesn't happen overnight but it does get better. Just hang on a little longer.
For anyone in the world thinking about going out and having a good time this weekend. Just remember to be safe. It only take one quick moment and your life and others can be altered forever.
And for everybody, life is so short. We only get one shot at it. We don't get do-overs. Kindness, love and compassion is the easiest way to make your life count and it cost you nothing.
I hope you all have a blessed and loving weekend