(English below)

Un evento de esta esta semana me record�� que el caos llega inesperadamente a nuestras vidas y, sin embargo, es parte de la naturaleza.

La disrupci��n es una fuerza poderosa que destroza todo lo que toca. Se ve terrible cuando est��s en su camino. Todo lo que pensaba que era cierto, todo lo que pensaba que era seguro, todo lo que llamaba hogar, se puede borrar en un minuto. Lo s��, porque no es la primera vez que estoy en presencia de un cambio.

El que m��s recuerdo fue hace casi 20 a��os. Fue como si una cascada hubiera irrumpido y arrasado con todo en mi vida. Me sent��a perdida, sola y sin nada sobre lo que pararme. Ni siquiera me reconoc��, as�� que me entr�� el p��nico.

Adem��s de experimentar todos esos cambios f��sicos, cambios emocionales, cambios familiares, sent�� que me arrastraban a un lugar oscuro sin nada a lo que agarrarme, sin nadie que me ayudara, como ser arrastrada por los r��pidos. Y as�� se sent��an los ataques de p��nico, como si el agua se me viniera encima, sin avisar y sin dejarme salir a la superficie; tan pronto como respiraba brevemente, la corriente me arrastraba hacia abajo.

A veces estaba cansada de luchar y pensaba, ��qu�� pasa si me dejo ir, morir? Ya estaba m��s muerta que viva, as�� que tal vez mi miedo era m��s grande que la muerte real.

No pod��a, estaba tan asustada incluso de la idea de lo que vendr��a despu��s.

As�� que segu�� viviendo apenas, cayendo en este tornado interminable, donde nunca supe lo que estaba arriba y lo que estaba abajo.

Las aguas se calmaron eventualmente, y lo hice, sobreviv�� y m��s fuerte a partir de esa locura.

Desde entonces he estado trabajando para hacer la paz, mi prioridad n��mero uno. Una vez que experiment�� lo que se siente al no tenerlo, decid�� que era lo m��s importante.

No solo aprend�� todas las t��cnicas para mantener la calma, la respiraci��n, yoga, los 4 acuerdos��� tambi��n entend�� que ten��a que tomar diferentes decisiones en la vida. Me di cuenta de todas las cosas, actividades, personas que estaban presentes en mi vida pero que no me tra��an la paz, y a veces, era todo lo contrario, eran estresantes o dolorosas, pero como no sab��a poner l��mites, les hab��a dejado entrar.

Lentamente, trat�� de hacer esos cambios y, aunque no fue tan f��cil como pensaba, pude ver que mi vida comenzaba a verse como yo quer��a.

Esta ha sido una gran lecci��n en mi vida y la comparto con todas las personas que puedo, sin embargo, manejar mis emociones y practicar t��cnicas es la ��nica parte que puedo controlar, la vida, esa es otra historia.

Cre�� un ambiente bastante agradable, todo lo dem��s se mueve y cambia, la naturaleza sigue su curso. As�� que este a��o dos grandes huracanes tocaron mi orilla. Uno lo vi venir y el otro me tom�� desprevenida.

De nuevo, esa sensaci��n de ver todo moverse, todo al rev��s. Estaba empapada, con fr��o y sintiendo estos vientos locos a mi alrededor, tratando de destrozar todo. Tambi��n ten��an a mi familia, as�� que pude ver a dos personas muy importantes en mi vida siendo arrastradas por la corriente.

Sin embargo, esta vez fue diferente. Esta vez supe que no podr��a detenerlo, pero record�� que hay un lugar, justo en el medio, donde hay tranquilidad, donde hay calma, incluso en medio de una tormenta.

A veces los fuertes vientos me empujaban y me ca��a al suelo, temiendo no poder volver a levantarme, pero de alguna manera pude ponerme de pie nuevamente, y encontrar��a ese lugar, justo en el centro.

Fue hermoso. Pod��a ver todo desde all��, pod��a escuchar todo y nada al mismo tiempo. Incluso pod��a sentir paz, all�� mismo, rodeada de truenos, agua y viento. Algunas partes de m�� se sent��an culpables a veces, pensando que no deber��a sentirme tranquila, que ten��a que entrar en p��nico porque era la reacci��n natural. Pero no, a veces estaba en paz, inhalando y exhalando, en conexi��n con mi coraz��n.

As�� que al final, s��, todas esas cosas que hice hace a��os me ayudaron, y todav��a tomo decisiones todos los d��as para sentirme tranquila, pero despu��s de este a��o, lo s�� con certeza, es posible sentir paz incluso con el caos alrededor, incluso con dolor e incertidumbre; porque ninguna tormenta dura para siempre, y siempre puedo quedarme en el centro y maravillarme de su belleza.

                                                                      Courtesy of CNET

 In the Eye of the Hurricane

An event this week reminded me that chaos comes to our lives unexpectedly, and yet is part of nature.

Disruption is a strong force, tearing apart everything it touches. It looks terrible when you���re on its path. Everything that you thought was true, everything you thought was safe, everything you called home, can be wiped out in a minute. I know it, because it���s not the first time I���ve been in the presence of change.

The one I remember the most was almost 20 years ago. It was like a waterfall had irrupted and washed away everything in my life. I was feeling lost, alone, and with nothing to stand on. I didn���t even recognize myself, and so panic came.

On top of experimenting all those physical changes, emotional changes, family changes, I felt I was being dragged to a dark place with nothing to hold on to, with no one to help me, like being dragged in the rapids. And that���s how the panic attacks felt, as if the water came over me, with no warning and without letting me go to surface; as soon as I took a short breath, the current would pull me back down.

Sometimes I was tired to fight and I thought, what if I just let myself go, die. I was already more dead than alive, so maybe my fear was bigger than the actual death.

I couldn���t, I was so scared of even the idea of what would come next.

So I kept barely living, tumbling in this never-ending tornado, where I never knew what was up, and what was down.

The waters calmed eventually, and I made it alive and stronger out of that madness. 

Ever since then I���ve been working on making my peace, my number one priority. Once I experienced how it feels not to have it, I decided it was the most important thing.

Not only I learned all the techniques to stay calm, breathing, yoga, the 4 agreements���I also understood I had to make different decisions in life. I became aware of all the things, activities, people that were present in my life but did not bring me peace, and sometimes, it was the opposite, they were stressful or painful, but because I didn���t know how to set boundaries, I���d allowed them in.

Slowly, I tried to make those changes, and even though it wasn���t as easy as I thought, I could see my life starting to look the way I wanted it.

This has been a great lesson in my life and I share it with all the people I can, however, managing my emotions and practicing techniques it���s the only part I can control, life, that���s another story.

I created a pretty nice environment, everything else moves and changes, nature follows its course. So this year two big hurricanes touched my shore. One I saw coming and the other caught me off guard.

Again, that feeling of watching everything moving, everything upside down. I am drenched, cold and feeling these crazy winds around me, trying to rip everything apart. They had my family as well, so I could see two very important people in my life being dragged by the current.

This time it was different though. This time I knew I couldn���t stop it, but I remembered there���s a place, right in the middle, where is quiet, where is calm, even in the midst of a storm.

Sometimes the strong winds would push me and I���d fall to the ground, fearing I could not get up again, but somehow I was able to stand again, and I would find that spot, right in the center.

It was beautiful. I could see everything from there, I could hear everything and nothing at the same time. I could even feel peace, right there, surrounded by thunder, water and wind. Parts of me would feel guilty sometimes, thinking I wasn���t allowed to feel calm, that I had to be in panic because it���s the natural reaction. But no, I was sometimes just peaceful, breathing in and out, in connection with my heart.

So in the end, yes, all those things I did years ago helped me, and I still make decisions every day to feel calm, but after this year, I know for sure, it is possible to feel peace even with chaos around, even with pain and uncertainty; because no storm lasts forever, and I can always just stand in the center and marvel at its beauty.