Anxiety

Sometimes, it’s a choice. I have no doubt there are those who would say it’s always a choice, but my humble opinion is those people have never experienced it to the degree some of us have or they have years more practice managing it and a perspective I haven’t found a path to. Sometimes it’s overwhelming and we have to find ways to mitigate it or simply ride it out. But sometimes it’s a choice.

I’m not going to tell you it’s easy. If it was, we’d all know how to do it and be able to make that choice—flip things around so well we wouldn’t need therapy, medication, meditation, yoga, and so on. If it was easy, a whole industry would shrink, if not collapse. But it can be done.

And it can feel trite. It can feel like throwaway wisdom; the sort of thing you put on a bumper sticker. Those little pearls of wisdom stick around because there is truth in them, though. Again, they aren’t easy to follow but when you choose to follow them, they pay off.

Focus on the Positive

The simplest of these is one we tell ourselves, as well as one another, in times of difficulty. I’ve got a bracelet that says it I put on when I know I need the reminder or when I’m getting ready to face a day I know will have challenges. But is it that simple? Yes. But again, simple doesn’t mean easy.

I went for a walk yesterday morning. My head was spinning. I was rolling over the same questions, the same concerns, the same problems that had vexed me for days, if not weeks. The day before I felt like they were wearing thin the edges of my sanity; that it wouldn’t be long before the circles I was running in turned from anxiety to depression. I had to do something different, something other than pace around the house, putter away at the same complex project, or watch parts of mediocre TV shows. So, I went for a walk.

It was a beautiful, quiet morning. The local state park hadn’t gotten busy with joggers or dog walkers yet. Bird song and the sound of the burbling creek filled the air. And I made a choice. For just a few minutes, if nothing else, I was going to focus on those sounds, on the greenery, on the sun filtering through the summer leaves. I had to drag my mind back from the intrusive thoughts more than once. Simple, not easy. But I made the choice.

And for a few minutes, maybe a little longer, my heart rate decreased. The tightness in my chest eased. Things felt like they were going to be okay. I made another choice. I looked at the problems I was chewing on and asked myself where they came from; asked myself what the outcomes could be, the positive results, the constructive reasons I was going through the difficulty in the first place.

I’d love to tell you it wiped the anxiety slate clean, but that isn’t true. It did lower the volume though, and a little peace and change to my perspective gave me a firmer footing for the rest of the day.

Practice Gratitude

This one could be a sibling to focusing on the positive.

Sometimes it feels like everything in our lives is out to get us, out to complicate and challenge. Sometimes it feels like everything is wrong. I wasn’t quite in that kind of hole yesterday, but I am familiar with it. I know what it’s like to feel isolated, hopeless, like it’s me against the world and the odds are not in my favor.

But there’s another choice to be made, and it too has to do with perspective. Rather than focus on the things that feel like they’re working against us, focus on the things that are working for us. And don’t just call them to mind, but be grateful for them. Maybe you thank your chosen divine entity. Maybe you thank the unseen forces of the universe. Perhaps you just offer a smile or a nod to acknowledge those things you have in your favor.

For me, it’s the people. I deal with loneliness and isolation a lot. It’s something I’ve struggled with for as long as I can remember. I don’t have a circle of friends I can call on or socialize with. There’s no community I feel a part of, but I have people in my life I don’t know what I’d do without. I have an amazing supportive family and a few friends, some close by and some far-flung, whose company I enjoy and who would have my back no matter what. Pausing the merry-go-round of anxious thoughts long enough to acknowledge them lifts my spirits and makes me feel better equipped to face my challenges.

Maybe you feel you don’t have those people in your life. But you have something; your health, a roof over your head, a job—you don’t have to like it, but you can be grateful you have one—access to the internet where you can read blogs from people you identify with. You have something, and if you can latch on to it you’ve made a choice that can help pull you out of whatever spiral you find yourself in.

Grace

When you have persistent anxiety, the very fact of having it can increase it. Why am I so anxious? What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I just stop? I’ve thought about it all. But there’s a choice to be made here, too. And I’ll confess it’s the one I struggle with the most. You can choose to be okay with it.

There are ways to combat it. There is help to be had. And it won’t last forever. But maybe you need to allow yourself to feel it and forgive yourself for struggling with the issues that plague you. The challenges might be very real. They might have significant consequences. Often anxiety and depression can blow those out of proportion, but it can all feel critically important and world-shiftingly serious. So, forgive yourself for worrying about them.

Don’t wallow. Don’t allow yourself to get sucked down by them (another choice,) but don’t punish yourself for your feelings. Give yourself a little grace. Maybe you worry your persistent anxiety is going to rub off on others or push them away. I know one of my greatest fears—one of those things that doubles the already problematic anxiety—is that those closest to me will tire of it and their opinion of me change. I don’t want to be a problem or the source of someone else’s stress. But the people who care about you most, who understand that you struggle, will offer patience and give you grace. Why not give it yourself?

A Few Other Choices

Find the little things. Again, this one is a close cousin to focusing on the positive. It may not slow the circular thinking or derail a runaway train of intrusive thoughts, but it could slow it down. Smell the flowers, put on a favorite song, enjoy the stars or a sunset. Make the little things that can bring you joy also bring you a little relief.

Talk to someone. Make the choice that, rather than having to go it alone, someone can help. Talk out the thinking that has you in a spin. Someone may have perspective or a bit of advice that helps change your direction. Just the act of explaining what’s on your mind can take some of its power.

Distract yourself. It doesn’t always work for me, but it’s always worth a try. A good book, a hobby, a video game, something to watch on TV might help you escape. The thinking may still be there when you’re finished, but at least you’ve given yourself a break. Make the choice to sink yourself into something other than the quagmire of your own thoughts.

Maybe You Need More

These aren’t answers. They aren’t cures. Maybe, like me, you need additional help. Maybe it’s counseling to help you gain more tools and learn more strategies. It could be medication or a combination of these things. Don’t fight it on your own if it gets to be too much. There are resources. There is help.

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