Parents want to do right by their kids. I think this is a universal concern, at least for the ones who really care about their children and want them to grow up as well-adjusted adults primed for a life of faith and service. But there’s no doubt that childrearing is a tough job—and with any difficult task, it’s essential to have the best resources at our disposal to do it well. 

I’m not a child development expert. I’m just a guy with five girls, one of whom is out of her teenage years, and four others who either are teenagers or who are just a year or two away. So, I’ve got a little experience. But I’ll give you ten things I wish someone had told me a few years ago. 

Don’t expect your teen to have a devotion to God that you do not model. Your daily life is a continual lesson in what discipleship looks like in the flesh. They’re not going to absorb your faith or adopt it through osmosis (Deuteronomy 6:6-7; Proverbs 22:6). Show them what it means to enjoy reading the Bible, praying, and participating in worship (see 1 Corinthians 11:1). Express genuine love to your teen. It’s easy for parents to become a harping voice instead of an encouraging, empowering one that points teens in a positive direction. It takes work to strike the right balance of love and discipline. Tough truths are part of life, and they’re easier to accept from someone who cares. Participate in your teen’s spiritual formation. Ultimately, you are charged with teaching and modeling for your teen what following Jesus means (Deuteronomy 11:18-19). Church functions and youth groups are valuable supplementary tools that add to what you provide at home, not opportunities to outsource your parental responsibilities. Prioritize church involvement. If you want your teen to have a dynamic, flourishing faith, they must be connected with a body of believers. Worship is one of the most important things in which Christ’s people participate. However, there is also a sense of community that the New Testament expects us to have (1 Corinthians 12:27) – that’s why the imagery used for Christians tends to be groups of individual things (e.g., one body of many parts, sheep in a flock, branches connected to a vine, spiritual stones in a building).  Have high expectations for your teen. Your teen may be brilliant, creative, selfless, and mature, but they are leaving the “kid” phase behind. Have high but achievable expectations, and praise them when they meet those expectations. Having low expectations will not help your teens meet their God-given potential. Don’t try to be your teen’s best friend. Parents are told to bring God’s rule into their family’s life, which expresses itself in part through discipline and guidance which can only come from a position of authority. Teens who grow up with a parent/best friend have little, if any, accountability. Many people, teens included, want strong leadership. Don’t engage in permissive parenting. When things get tough, lazy parents shrug their shoulders, asking, “What can you do?” and let their teens “figure things out for themselves.” This leads to a lack of discipline, poor decision-making skills, and a weakened moral foundation (Proverbs 13:24; 19:18). Don’t spoil your teen. A continual stream of money, stuff, and coddling causes teens to never be satisfied and always want more (Matthew 6:19-21; 1 Timothy 6:6-10). Hard work, gratitude, contentment, and understanding the value of delayed gratification are among the most important things a person can develop. This is vitally important because narcissism is rife in our society, which seems to value self-absorbed influencers. These are the very figures our teens tend to imitate. Help them understand the importance of service.Don’t let your teen’s activities take top priority for your family. A frenetic schedule teaches them that “the good life” is a hyperactive one. Meditation, rest, and reflection are vital for spiritual growth (Psalm 1:2-3; Philippians 4:8). Spend time with your teen. Teens secretly long for the security and grounding that comes from consistent quality time. Dedicate regular time to listening to their hopes and dreams, sharing experiences with them, and creating memories. Spending time with your children will ensure that your influence will stay with them and leave a legacy of influence long after you’ve gone on to your reward. 

(We could add the importance of teaching teens how to put down their cell phones and other devices, but that is a post all its own!)

Parenting teens in today’s world is challenging. Remember that your actions, love, and commitment to their spiritual growth set the foundation for their future. Sometimes, the journey is tough. But remember, the difficult things are often the ones worth doing well.