When sharing how their child is doing, mothers always preface their report with, “I know I shouldn’t compare my child with others, but . . .” All mothers compare their children with others. When it’s our first one, we look at what the other same-aged tots are doing. When our best friend brags that her baby is already walking, we wonder whether something is wrong because ours isn’t.

Having interviewed thousands of mothers over the years, you’re not a bad person if you find yourself comparing. We all do, and most of us feel guilty about it. And here’s the truth bomb—there are good reasons to do so.

What is Comparison?

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, comparison is examining two or more items to establish similarities and dissimilarities. When a mom sees her one-year-old alongside another one-year-old, it is natural to look for skills they both possess and ones our baby doesn’t yet have.

  When is Comparison a Good Thing?

When a parent checks to see if her baby is meeting critical developmental milestones, she looks at a milestone chart. Those developmental charts were developed by comparing many children to determine the average age most kids master specific skills. For many areas of development, a child has a range of time to achieve the milestone. Take walking, for example. The typical child learns to walk between nine and sixteen months of age. That is a huge range.

Suppose a mother didn’t compare her child to the chart. Would she risk overlooking that her baby isn’t meeting expected milestones? Would she miss the opportunity to assist her child in keeping up? Comparing our child’s development in this situation can be good because we’re monitoring it.

When is comparison a bad thing?

We all know each baby is unique. Some babies detest tummy time, and others prefer it. Some babies walk at nine months, and others wait until eighteen months. For many of those children, by the time they are two years old, no one can tell which tot walked early and who walked later.

Comparison is not good when we want to make ourselves feel better than another parent. We should support and encourage each other because we are all learning as we go. There is no comprehensive manual on how to raise your child. If you have more than one child, you know each child is different. Some prefer to climb the walls, and others immerse themselves in books. Parents must adjust to the various needs of each child.

Let’s Be Kind to Ourselves, Moms

If you’re anxious because your baby isn’t doing what others are, please take action to help your child. Request a developmental evaluation from your pediatrician or nurse practitioner. While many mothers worry unnecessarily, their instincts are often correct, and their baby needs help. Receiving an assessment can lessen your fears and give you the courage to make changes that can maximize your baby’s abilities.

If your baby does need assistance, you did the right thing by noticing that your child was behind and seeking help. If you’d never compared your baby’s development to what he should be doing, you would have missed the best window to assist. And if there are no concerns, you gain peace of mind. So you go, girl!

Is there something about your child’s development that concerns you?

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Disclaimer: All information presented is general education and is not intended as specific prescriptions for your child. If you have concerns about any aspect of your baby’s development, talk with your doctor. If your child receives any intervention or therapy, this information is not intended to be used without their knowledge.