I don’t normally like to use the word ‘blessed’. For it always implies my path is straight or not from something beyond my own actions with mystical invisible hands guiding and groping through my affairs and stock portfolio. I will forever have the conviction that I am the master of my fate, the captain of my soul. Yet, I find myself unable to find another word to describe what state my wife and I are currently in. Blessed. For not only are we blessed in becoming parents to the world’s greatest child, but in the triumph that it happened at all.

For what felt like the longest year of my life, we poured time, money, stress, mileage, anxiety, hope, dreams, realizations, laughter, tears, blood, sleepless nights, determination, and love into the biological act of conception. Tests were done, I.U.I. was tried, damaged tubes were removed, and, all the while, I.V.F. was always sitting in the corner of the conversation. Despite it all, I had no doubt we would succeed. For us, it was just one more hill to climb, one more dragon to slay. While we took the challenge seriously, we both scoffed at its pathetic attempts to stop us.

Since I use humor as a defense mechanism, I had spent months calling I.V.F. the ‘Octopus Method’. Given how the procedure involves producing as many eggs as possible and throwing as much sperm at them as possible. As our other options ended unsuccessfully, we took the plunge (and a loan) and agreed to give I.V.F. a try. In short, it involves boxes of drugs and getting the timing right of both hormones and planetary alignments. For months, everything felt like a strange mixture of making progress while also being in complete limbo. However, unbeknownst to us, something wicked was stumbling our way.

Days after the embryo that would grow into our child was transferred, in a seemingly final insult to our attempts at procreation, the Alabama State Supreme Court blocked all attempts for people in this state to use I.V.F. as a means to grow their families. I still remember Tuberville being interviewed and saying the ruling was a ‘very good thing’. And then, when the reporter actually explained what I.V.F. even was, you can clearly see the slack jawed dull eyed expression of him trying to get his brain to process a single thought.

The cynic in me would normally have dismissed this as an unsurprising result when you have stupid people voting for stupid representatives to make stupid decisions. However, being in the thick of it, I didn’t have time to be cynical. There was only anger in the search for hope. It’s another reason I feel we are blessed. Because, in almost the same breath of this profound ignorance, we learned the transfer was a success as we were, indeed, pregnant. Leaving my heart filled with the most perfect charity, only to be mixed with the most perfect hate.

The backlash to the ruling was swift and visceral. The Alabama state legislators quickly became the focus of a small army of angry mothers, present, expecting, and trying. In what was a record time for a pathetically sluggish body, lawmakers passed only the most extreme minimal protections for I.V.F. treatment. So minimal in fact that our remaining frozen embryos had to be moved out of state because they are no longer safe in Alabama. Human selfishness told me to be elated that we had dodged a bullet, while empathy told me to mourn for all those still under the tyrant’s thumb.

The obstruction from the Republican party continued throughout the year as they continued to block federal legislation, only to say (lie) that they supported I.V.F. whenever a microphone was in front of them. Trump even changed his rhetoric from bragging about appointing the judges that made this possible to saying he was the ‘father of I.V.F.’ even though he had to have the science of the matter explained to him at least three times. Politicians lying to literally everyone is nothing new, but this runs deeper than that. The only thing Trump was ever successful in throughout his entire life was to perpetually link the whole of the Republican party to its hard right faction. It no longer matters what Republicans say, for their actions, both in and out of legislative bodies, will be in servitude to that base. If a Republican says they will protect I.V.F., but the hard right doesn’t want them to, then that Republican will not protect I.V.F. It really is that simple.

Months of frustration, nursery prepping, Republican gaslighting, and ultrasounds, more or less bring us up to today. In that time, I have wrestled with a large host of thoughts that have ranged from bitter to downright hostile. Still, it is uncommon for me to speak so strenuously or completely. What has tasked me to write this at all is a portion of this country not having the strength within them to change. To lazily stick with what they know. No matter how corrupt, no matter how vile. The most common of decency would advise that the attempted overthrow of our republic should be enough for political excommunication, but all it has taken is the most rudimentary fear mongering that migrants/socialists will steal/eat everything to dissuade them otherwise. Because men more quickly forget the death of their father than the loss of their patrimony.

Politically, I’ve always been somewhat scattershot. Having views and opinions that are likely different from everyone in any given room I’m currently standing in. The thing is, I’ve mostly been quiet about my beliefs unless directly asked about them. It is something easy to find acceptance with in a state where one man who reads is outvoted by thousands who don’t. However, in the coming days, in this moment of history, I cannot abide by this abomination for there is only one issue that matters to me. One candidate believes my son has a right to exist, while the other does not. I don’t expect to persuade anyone from changing how they’re going to vote tomorrow, only letting everyone who reads this know where things stand. Telling you to vote your conscience. If you still have one.

Also, in case anyone is wondering, Malcolm was born on October 1st, 2024. He was a little early but is thriving and loved.