Dear blog,

What to say.

As it seems that today is a day of letting things go.

And so, I'm here, to let you go.

A captive audience, so silent.

I've taken too much of your time.

You have your own words to say, and write.

Your own truths yet to be spoken.

Your own words between you, And God, and the silence. 

Letting go.

I thought about just writing this. Without putting it here.

But I wanted it to be official. 

As it seems, I'm just going through things.

And letting them go, like birds, that have long since been in cages, and needing to find their own wings, and space, and time with nature.

 I realize, I have too much relied on needing someone to write to, to make my existence valid. 

Even if it was just knowing someone was reading them. But I realize it unfair to someone to pour words so many, into the silence.

And perhaps, I should be my own space, at least for a while.

And just write to myself.  

So I release you dear, reader, from my Garden.

I release you from needing to read my words.

I release you from being a captive audience.

And say thank you, with gratitude in all your silence has taught me.  

I release my need to be heard or seen, or to feel powerful, or important.

I realize too, perhaps, I have too much relied on my sister.

We both are similar, and very different.

And many times, I thought my energy needed to where she wasat.

Needed to do music, all the time.

When perhaps.

I was okay, writing.

Okay, reading.

Okay, digging in my garden.

Okay, in my me-ness.

I realize, that sometimes, the hardest thing in life, isletting go of old forms.

Old gardens. Old ways of thinking. Old ways of being.

Shadows.

Those I let go of.

Lies.

 Untruths I ingested. I let them go.

And hold on to the light of Christ. Which has kept me, and saved me.

I realize I need to be with God, and his word.

And love myself.

The self that doesn’t need so much an audience.

Not so much a reader.

Though you, dear reader have been with me a long time.

If the truth is worth its weight in Gold.

Then it frees you.

And it frees itself.

It lets birds go.

And lets things fly.

We don’t need to be each other’s Gods.

If the holy spirit is with you.

Then it is with me too.

And that is enough.

So dear reader.

I release you. From needing to be here.

For the music, the real divine music, is to be found within.

I don’t want to hold any audience captive.

No matter how well, they watch.

And if you are apart of the body of Christ.

Then we’ll all be in heaven together.

In the here, and now. 

No shadows. Only the light of Christ.

In the heart of the holy one.

I see, I have listened too long to so many people, andforgot to listen to myself.

Where I thought so many things mattered, that didn’t. 

I want to pay attention to the truth.

I want to live in truth.

I want to release all lies, and all those dark energies, that no longer serve me.

I want to be a warrior of the truth.

And have my life reflect the inner light, that has preserved me for so long.

I want the holy spirit to teach me, as only it can.

I want that to be my guiding light. 

I don't want an ego, to get in the way.

And even though, there are so many things I wish I couldsay.

And any things I wish I could explain.

The truth is.

By letting myself, not have to be right, not have to be anythingelse, other than, willing to take advice, willing to let my family doctor me.Willing to let my will go.

And submit to a higher will. One I might not understand yet.

But someday, I will.

Willing to let things go that no longer serve my highest good.

Willing to let go of my pride, and let my family, and mom doctor me, in a way, she never got to, with my dad. And it has given us a sense of closeness, that we have long been missing.

It’s helped me understand some things.

And also, be confused by some things, too.

Where I don’t really know.  What I thought I knew.

Only that God is good. 

And all the time. He hears your prayers. And answers them in the most beautiful ways. 

And that letting go is beautiful, and letting yourself die to some forms.

Can be the most beautiful thing.

Where I see, the truth, is something, that is hard to grasp.

Yet, it lives through us, if we are willing.

Willing to let go of mirage, the strange illusion.

Willing to let God lead you, through the valley of the shadow, so you can see the light.

And you see, all thing things you must forgive in yourself.

And others.

And let go of the illusion.

Letting people think how they think.

And letting anything go, that made me feel important.

So dear reader,

I’m sorry for holding you captive for so long.

I forgive you for not understanding perhaps, some things youmight not have understood. Or still might not.

I forgive myself too.

For oh, so many things.

For things I may not understand.

And for trying to control, when I didn’t know that I was trying to control things.

 Things that are only up to God.

And let even this little form of self go.

A word form.

And know, that beyond forms, and reader, and read, andpoetry, and poems, and life, and death, and birth, and seasons, and time, andthe wheel of karma that goes round, and spirit, and the word, that there is adance, and it does itself, writes itself, and sometimes, lets us look in andsee, but it’s still just doing its dance.

And we dance too, and if we are dancing right, we surrenderto the now of God.

As it shows up.

And let life show us, that we are sun-drop in the eye ofGod.

A ray, a sparkle, a dewdrop in the ocean of consciousness.

The divine fragment looking at the whole, until it becomesone with it, entirely.

And so, my conclusion.

In letting so many things go, that I didn’t even know I washolding onto.

Needing to be seen.

Or heard.

The real, is still there. 

Without any audience. 

The sun, still shines with no eyes to look at it.

And birds still sing with no ear to hear them.

And love, so big, exists, a garden, its own, heart loving itself.

A poem my mom read to me so lovingly last night, sums it up, God made the fish, and obscure flowers, because he delighted to,  not for any other reason.

And no eyes need see them, for them to feel their value.

And so these words too, if there is any value in them, neednot be seen.

They are just here.

And many a word has been written, like forests of old, whichno one has even seen, or wandered into.

Art, and music, and poetry, some of the best, hidden, someof the best moments, only between, you and God.

And no less valuable because no one saw, or heard them.

Maybe even more valuable.

So dear reader,

I release you from needing to be here.

You have your own garden.

Your own truths.

Unseen. Yet seen By the heart of God.

And in the silence, that seems like darkness, Gods spirit isalways there, to light your path.

Thank you for being so present.

 I release you from my Garden.