Bamp Blog 1st Entry: 25220


The last time I spoke, I had mentioned a dark secret that I had a dark secret. I made myself a promise that if I were to ever cheat on my spouse, that I would lose value and stop my heart. But meeting a person that saw my broken empty heart was all I ever needed.

My dad was the rock of the family. He was my hero. But once he cheated on my mom, he left. Abuse happened to my siblings and me. But I always focused the abuse on me as much as I could. But his void made it hard on me. So I vowed to never do that. But I felt so alone in my relationship until Palmyra.

But I knew I was starting to fall for her and what that meant, because I always fulfilled my promises. So I worked up the courage to tell her about my dark secret. When she told me, “If you leave this world, I would miss you,” those words made me cry. That was when she made me promise to not hurt myself.

That was when the countdown started happen, the countdown of letting her go. I started to want her more than I wanted to die. The hope of living was coming back and I was scared of hope. I already accepted my fate of letting go of life.

So I tried to leave her, because once I want something, I never quit until I get it. But to have another man’s woman was wrong. My heart cracked when I started to push her away. I couldn’t break up two families, so I decided to break only two hearts, hers and mine.

I had tried to ghost her, but I always missed her. When I went back, she was there. I finally had to lie. I texted her, “I had a great time with you and it was a lot of fun. Thanks for your time. Have a nice life.” Once I pushed sent, I knew there was no coming back to her. But when you love someone and you know it’s not the right time, that you must let them go, right?

After I sent that text, I didn’t eat much for three months only snacked three times per week. I slept and only got out of bed to use the restroom. I didn’t talk to anyone and hope I would die. I developed a blood clot and hope it would end me. But I had to have surgery. After her I was totally defeated. I even called her months later to apologize.

Then I realized I had made her promises. The main one was not to hurt myself. But I also wanted her to know the truth about how I felt and why I did it. So I wrote my first book called: Untouched Affair. It was horribly written. Have any of you had the honor to have read that book? Let me know.

Next I started writing erotic stories. I wanted to fulfill my promise to make enough money to take care of her and her family. But guilt kept eating away at me. I mean, how could I ever treat the one woman I fell in love with that way, especially when I wanted her more than I wanted to live?

I cried everyday for 3 years. No one knew. Not even my wife. I broke my heart to save the family, to save her family as well.
Then I started to write everything I wanted to say to her. What I started to write shocked even me. Can you guess what I wrote?
Stay tuned for the next blog.