Remember, it’s not about you when someone makes a rude and critical comment. Who is it about? Read on to discover more.

It’s Not About You It’s About

THEM!

Why? Because it’s their:

MindsetOpinionsBeliefsUnresolved IssuesLife experiencesReligious upbringingCommunity influenceSocial gracesEmotional state of mind

These shape our judgments of others. And the words that come out of our mouths. Here are three examples:

Hurt people will say hurtful things to youInsecure folks will be critical of youKnow-it-alls will attempt to make you look stupid

Sometimes people put their foot in their mouth. I know I’ve done this!

Pamela’s Foot Lesson

Decades ago, I asked a woman how many months pregnant she was. She wasn’t pregnant. Mortified, I muttered an apology and quickly walked away.

This taught me to never assume if a woman is pregnant, instead I’ll allow her to tell me if she is. Plus, I do this in other situations.

Click to Learn More When It Is About You

LOL! Did you think you were off the hook? So, when is it about you?

Your response to people’s words is all about you!

Do you know the old saying sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me? Well, that’s not entirely true. Words can hurt.

Here are your choices on how to respond:

Argue with themSwear at themCreate a boundaryRespond with compassionIgnore themWalk away

The easiest way to stay stuck and go down to their level is to become defensive, then argue, and/or swear at them.
The harder response is to create a polite boundary, respond with compassion, become silent, and/or walk away.

Pamela’s Reaction to Rudeness

Last weekend, my husband and I shared a fancy coffee and treat at Barnes & Noble. We don’t do this often because I don’t want to become prediabetic again and need to keep away from sugar. Plus, it’s easy for me to spend lots of money on books and oracle decks. Cha-ching!

There’s an Asian woman who hangs out in the cafe. She’s friendly and butts into other people’s conversation. I’ll say hello, yet prefer to keep my distance.

When we walked by her, she pointed to my husband and said, “I’ve never seen him before.”

My response was, “He is my husband.”

Then she replied, “I thought he was your son. He looks so young.”

I was stunned by her rudeness!

However, she continued talking about how she hadn’t seen me for a while. I mentioned I stay away from the cafe because all the sugar is so tempting. Then she made some comments on how sugar was good. I just walked away because she didn’t need to know my reasons for staying away from sugar.

My Inner Jersey

I’m from New Jersey, USA and I’ve been living in North Carolina for over a decade. Some Southerners would be shocked at this Damn Yankees’ polite response to her rude comment.

Here are two responses that I fantasize about.

F*ck you, c*ntWe have incest sex all the time

Instead, I took the harder path because I knew it was about her.

It’s obvious that my husband is not my son with his mostly gray beard and salt and pepper hair. I’m a white girl and he’s Asian with some Hispanic.

My husband later said, “That woman needs glasses.”

I could guess about why she made that comment, but the truth is it doesn’t matter. What mattered was my reaction to her words.

Final Thoughts on It’s Not About You

My husband and I had fun teasing each other about me being the momma and him being the baby.

I did a meditation where I let her have it with words and white light to get it out of my system.

For all I know, this might be my karma from when I asked how many months pregnant that lady was from long ago?

May this blog help you remember how a person’s words aren’t about you; it’s about them. To do your best to respond appropriately. And to continue working on yourself to avoid putting your foot in your mouth.

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