The camera fades in to reveal Myn. The massive red and gold dragon is wearing a tan apron, which is tied rather awkwardly around a body without the proper orientation for such a garment. She stares uncertainly at the camera, then jumps a bit as a hand reaches in and nudges her foreleg.

“Read the card,” whispers a voice from off camera.

“Oh!” Myn lowers her head a bit, squinting at something just beside the camera. She begins to recite lines rather woodenly. “Hello. I am Myn. Guardian of the Realm and fifth chosen. When I’m saving the world from the evil D’Karon, I can build up quite an appetite. That’s why I eat at Burger Bill’s House of Burgers.”

The unseen helper wheels out a cart, heavily laden with paper-wrapped burgers.

“Why are we doing this?” Myn asked in a hushed whisper, which due to her size was nearly as loud as her speaking voice.

“Look, the world saving business is pretty slim right now. We’ve got to make money somehow.”

“… Do we?”

“Yes.”

“But I have a horde of gold. And Myranda lives in a castle.”

“Yeah, that’s great for you, but some of us live in a capitalist hellscape. So please read the cards.”

“If I must.” She turned back to the camera. “Burger Bill’s House of Burgers is the only Burger House with burgers big enough to satisfy a dragon-sized hunger.”

She glanced aside again.

“These cards sure say burger a lot…”

“It’s a burger house,” whispered the off-screen voice.

“But it’s already Burger Bill’s. Also, what’s a burger?”

“Those things in front of you are burgers.”

She looked at the pile.

“Those are wads of meat-smelling paper.”

“They’re wrapped.”

She stared at them for a moment.

“Why?”

“So you can take them with you and eat them somewhere else without making a mess.”

“Why not just eat them where you get them?”

“Because sometimes you don’t have time for that.”

“No time for a meal?”

“Capitalist hellscape.”

She blinked. “You should do something about that. It sounds terrible.”

“Just read the cards please.”

She huffed and turned back.

“When I finish fighting the forces of evil, I can’t wait to sink my teeth into a triple-patty beef-a-paloosa.” She turned. “Are these real words where you come from?”

“No. They’re marketing.”

“What’s marketing.”

“It’s how you get people to want to buy things.”

“Why would you want to make someone buy something if they don’t want to?”

“To earn money.”

“Because of the capitalist hellscape?”

“Yes.”

She nodded thoughtfully. “You’re a sad little man.”

“You have no idea. Cards, please.”

She turned again.

“The beef-a-paloosa has three quarters of a pound of genuine, never-frozen beef. And it’s charred fresh with real flame.” She turned. “Do you have fake flame here?”

“Kinda.”

“Also, why am I wearing an apron? Am I making this food or eating it?”

“Look, if you just finish the commercial, you can have all of those burgers.”

She sniffed them. “No thank you. I like hunting.”

“Tell you what. Read the next card, and I think you’ll see the light.”

She turned to the camera. “And best of all, dine-in customers get the bottomless barrel of steak fries.”

A second cart wheels out, filled to overflowing with golden brown bits of fried potato. Myn’s eyes widened.

“For me?” she said.

“When you finish the commercial.”

She snapped back toward the camera and read as quickly as she could.

“So-when-you-have-a-dragon-sized-burger-craving-make-sure-you’ve-chosen-Burger-Bill’s-house-of-burgers-it’s-dragon-approved!”

“Good enough.”

She drove her head into the cart, happily crunching at the fries as the logo appears over the video.

“What are these again?”

“Fries.”

“Capitalism seems bad, but if it made these, it can’t be all bad,” she said, happily munching.

“Yeah. Capitalism does produce some good snacks…”