In our society, men are supposed to pursue women, right?

But I have never really pursued anyone.. 

Even the one relationship that I had, she was the one who pursued me. 

It’s kinda weird… 

Why is it that I find it soo hard, to go and talk to someone I like, or ask for her number? 

Firstly, I think the girls that caught my attention were very few.. 

Secondly, I don’t think I’ve ever been fully present in the moment.. to have the nerves and be talking.. closing … 

I’ve always been kinda jittery.. anxious.. with a mind that has more often been in the future, than in the present. 

What do I need to achieve? in order to have a happy and successful relationship? This has always been the pertinent question that has been at the back of my mind. 

Since I have never been there.. And I don’t think I’ll ever be (because I keep raising the bar for myself) And I don’t think I’ll ever be satisfied with myself.. Until I become world-class, utterly blissful, attract a lot of money, make a name for myself.. achieve the highest things possible in my craft.. etc. 

These things are just an ongoing journey. I don’t think I’ll ever be “enough” in my own eyes.. 

You may have heard “the most important relationship is the relationship we have with ourselves..” 

I’d say.. the most imp relationship is the relationship we have with our spirit. 

When the spirit is happy, we are blissful. When we are blissful, people around us notice. 

The problem is.. it’s hard to differentiate between the mind and the spirit.. 

Say if I find a girl attractive at first glance – is that my mind or the spirit? 

Why is it important? Well, because the mind cannot be satisfied. There’s no dearth of “hot” girls, so as to speak. 

But the heart… it absolutely senses a “connection”. Many people refer to it as “vibe”. 

Yeah, I’m more of a “vibe” person.. but I’m also an over-thinker. 

I wish I could live my life without any thoughts.. And perhaps one day, I will. 

When we are lost in the moment.. we have no thoughts.. And in such moments, we are the most blissful. 

Perhaps the reason why I overthink is for my desire to be liked? or fear of being rejected? 

Honestly, idk.. 

I’m referring to simple things like.. ‘Hi.. how was your day?’

That’s the only line that was needed… when the cute girl sat next to me (intentionally) in a bus full of empty seats! 

Yet I stayed quiet.. Why? 

One part has definitely got to do with self-worth:

Guys identify their self-worth with how much they’re making, and how “well” they’re doing professionally. 

Women identify their self-worth with how pretty they are.  

Second part I think has got to do with the mind’s nature to seek “pleasure”. 

When we see someone we like, the mind senses a source of pleasure. 

It “hopes” for a certain outcome. 

But it doesn’t have to be this way… 

We can just express ourselves naturally, authentically.. without hoping for an outcome whatsoever 

So instead of playing checkers in our head.. we can just say what we feel, 

and let the universe dictate the outcome.. on its own terms. 

The greatest actions arise spontaneously…organically… when we are lost in the moment, without an identity  

The greatest outcomes arise spontaneously.. organically… too!