There are spoilers in this blog post, so if you are one of the three or four people who have not seen the new Superman movie and want to see it, then perhaps you shouldn’t read any farther. However, my spoilers aren’t any plot defying amazing twists you probably wouldn’t see coming because, there really aren’t any.

Let’s go old school in this review and start with what I liked and do what I didn’t like and then finish with what I absolutely hated. Oh, and bonus content.

What I Liked

I liked a lot of things, but the first thing I really liked was the acting. This cast is amazing. I am especially impressed with Rachel Brosnahan, who has made the leap from Mrs. Maisel extremely well. I knew she was great on the small screen, but to make the leap to a major summer movie and literally dominate in every scene she’s in, well, that is special. She has generational talent.

I also really liked Mr. Terrific, played by Edith Gathegi. In fact, the best scenes of the movie were when Lois and Mr. ‘I Am Annoyed With People’ Terrific are together. Quality, real quality. I want to see a movie where those two are the main characters and Superman just shows up for lunch.

I like the decision to start in the middle of Superman’s arc, and not rebuild the universe from scratch. I am not sure we even needed the prologue, just open with him falling to the ground, bleeding.

I like the ‘Justice Gang’, too. Them, along with the dog, made the whole thing feel so comic-booky that it elevated my enjoyment. Unlike so many other superhero things which run away from the comic book feel, this movie leans in. Good decision.

So, there is a lot in this movie I really liked. Now, for what I didn’t like.

What I Didn’t Like

The screenplay was atrocious. I mean, atrocious. There are moments of writing so bad I cringed. Let’s start at the beginning, for an example. Why is the robot telling the other robot out loud, ‘He likes to see the message from his parents. It soothes him.’ That is a perfect example of telling and not showing, and also of info dumping through weird dialogue that makes absolutely no sense situationally. In fact, almost everything those robots say is that way. It is lazy exposition. DC needs to HMU next time and I can help punch that thing up for them.

I didn’t like the special effects much. It was only a slight step above what you might get from Strange New Worlds on Paramount. At no point did I think the supposed ‘rift’ in the black whole pocket universe looked anything other than Microsoft Paint. And that ‘River of Anti-Protons’ or whatever looked like they swiped it from the old Mario Cart game on Nintendo 64.

I didn’t like the cursing. I never like cursing in these movies that are so clearly geared toward traditionally younger audiences. It is unnecessary. Before you label me as a prude here, even though I generally am against cursing, if it is narratively acceptable, if it fits the crowd and audience, okay I get it. But, Superman is where you take your nine-year-old.

I didn’t like the overall characterization of Superman’s Iowa parents. Hear me out — the actors were great, and the dialogue they gave and love and encouragement were very family friendly and I dig that a lot. But, and I am not being judgy, they are from Iowa not Arkansas. The slow cadence, the twang, and their dress looked more Appalachian than Midwest. Watch it again and listen to Clark Kent’s dialect — it sounds like Iowa. His Iowa parents, however, sound like they might be from rural Mississippi. I’m not dogging people from rural Mississippi at all. I am from very rural East Texas, and we have a definite drawl. I just don’t think James Gunn knows what Iowa sounds like so he played Deliverance. Gunn only knows city elites and hillbillies and it is one or the other for him, which is actually not the way it works.

What I Am Uncertain If I Liked Or Didn’t Like

There is a scene in which Superman comes to Lois Lane’s apartment in the midst of his existential crisis. Outside the window is a giant glowing space jellyfish or something and it looks amazing. But him, and Lois, are completely unconcerned. It was really hard to focus on this powerful relational moment and not think, ‘What is going on outside. Can I see just some of that battle up front? That looks amazing! Come on, man, there is a car chase scene here and you’re showing us two people talking at the coffee shop about their feelings!

But maybe that is the point. In this universe, something like that is just not unusual at all.

What I Hated

There is only one thing, and I will not beat it to death. I hated the timing. The release of this movie is so soon after the more recent Henry Cavil Superman movies that it makes the head spin. Let it cure a bit before you come out swinging.

BONUS COVERAGE: POLITICS AND RELIGION!

Before I ever saw this movie I read a lot of political chatter about it, claiming it was pro-immigrant or anti-Israel or pro-replacement theory or whatever. I have no doubt people making this movie had political baggage they were carrying, but honestly the conflict felt more like Ukraine V Russian than what is happening and has happened in Gaza. And who could be mad that Superman is keeping Russia out of Ukraine, huh? I mean, come on? Slava Ukraini!

Is Superman an undocumented immigrant. No, he is an alien. How exactly would an alien get documented? Is there a process for that in this universe? Besides, he lives as Clark Kent, decidedly not living as an immigrant. He was raised in Iowa. He never crossed a border, unless you count the ionosphere as a border. I felt this movie was more about adoption, which rings near to my heart. My father, the man who raised me, adopted me. I am instilled with the values he taught me — hard work, strong coffee, and then get back to work. I am not filled with the values of my biological father. Character and integrity is about choices, not genetics. But kudos to the makers of the movie, because they must have done something right to make everyone think they were hitting on their pet project. That is what good art does, it gets you thinking, which is something more than say, Jurassic World: Rebirth does even though it tried real hard.

I am far more interested in the religious overtones of the film. The last several versions of Superman have worked hard to paint him as a god figure surrounded by mere mortals. The Marvle universe has leaned hard into that as well, creating a virtual Greek pantheon of major and minor deities. At least in this DC Universe, for now, that is being eschewed. The most powerful moment, emotionally, is when Superman gives his, ‘I am a human’ speech to Lex Luthor. Superman doesn’t want to be god, he wants to be human.

And there it is, the meta narrative of all story-telling. Superman embodies the narrative timeline in this film of Jesus who is taken into custody willingly, and then descends into Hades, a pocket universe where souls are held captive by the digital devil Lex Luthor. He then escapes, and rescues those in bondage. It is one of my sincerest beliefs, and one of the reasons I love stories so much, that all stories are echoes of the One True Story — Jesus Christ, the God-man who was crucified, died, rose from the dead, and saves the world. You can’t tell the Superman story without Christian religious language. God Almighty should have gotten a writer’s credit and a tithe royalty should be split among the world’s Christian denominations.

Summary Judgment

I liked it. It was great summer movie popcorn fun. What more could you ask for?