Choosing Peace When Relationships Hurt

by Carol McCracken

I once had a conversation with a woman wrestling through a painful family conflict. She kept replaying her last interaction with a relative, analyzing every word and wondering what she could say or do to make things right. “If only they would apologize,” she said. “If only they understood how they hurt me.”

We’ve all been there. Conflict stings. And when we’re hurting, we naturally focus on what someone else should do to make it better. But the reality is, we can’t control other people. We can only control ourselves.

Romans 12:18 gives us a simple but challenging instruction: “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” That verse quietly acknowledges a truth we sometimes forget—peace isn’t always possible. But it is always possible to do our part.

The friend I mentioned earlier eventually came to that realization. She couldn’t force the other person to change, apologize, or even acknowledge her pain. But she could make different choices. She chose to forgive. She stopped trying to control the outcome and focused on guarding her own heart. She set healthy boundaries and responded with gentleness, even if it wasn’t returned. And something unexpected happened—her peace returned. Not because the situation was resolved, but because she was no longer tied to the outcome.

There’s a strange kind of freedom that comes when we stop spinning our wheels trying to fix what isn’t ours to fix. We don’t have to be cold or indifferent. But we can step out of the emotional tug-of-war and simply say, “God, help me respond in a way that honors You.”

That may look like calmly stating a boundary. It may look like stepping back to pray before responding to a difficult message. It may even mean accepting that reconciliation might not happen this side of heaven—and grieving that reality while still choosing to walk in grace.

Peace doesn’t always depend on how the other person acts. Sometimes, it’s found in the quiet decisions we make to let go of bitterness, to speak with kindness, and to trust God to do what we can’t.

We can’t control whether others understand or respond well. But we can control our words. We can choose wisdom over retaliation. We can pursue peace, even if the road is one-sided.

And in doing so, we reflect the heart of Christ—who, even when rejected, still chose love.

Prayer: Lord, thank you for the reminder that it is possible for me to choose to live in peace, as much as it depends on me. Help me to accept my part may not completely resolve a matter, and to trust you to continue working in the situation.

(If your working through relational conflict, you might find this Faith Over Fear podcast episode on healthy conflict resolution helpful.)

Get to Know Carol McCracken:

Carol Ogle McCracken has been a Bible teacher for twenty years, serving on church staff and in women’s ministry. She currently serves as the Minister of Discipleship at her home church.  She hosts the “Your Daily Bible Verse” podcast, cohosts the “Faith Over Fear” podcast, and provides daily inspiration on Christian Mix 106 web radio.  But her greatest passion is to make the Bible come alive for women, connecting scripture to a real relationship with Jesus.  Her book Wisdom, Where to Find It if You’ve Lost, Forgotten, or Never Had It, is available on Amazon. Find her at http://www.CarolMcCracken.com.

Check Out Her Book, Wisdom: Where to Find it if You’ve Lost, Forgotten, or Never Had it:

Wisdom is not hidden-but you may need a map to find it. If you think the only wisdom contained in your body is in your wisdom teeth, you aren’t alone. These days everyone has an opinion or answer for everything. But where do we find the right kind of wisdom? Is there a difference between our wisdom and God’s wisdom? And how can we make wise decisions when the world wants an answer yesterday? From Genesis to James, this short book will teach you biblically proven techniques to help you make wise decisions amid the busyness of everyday life. All the scripture is contained in this compact book. Enjoy some thought-provoking questions that are perfect for you to wrestle with on your own, with a friend, or as part of a small group.