That’s what one of my clients said to me the other day. We were talking about their recent, and ongoing, frustration at work. The way one of their colleagues kept pushing against the project they were trying to push through. The way my client kept taking responsibility for things that weren’t their responsibility and ownership for things they couldn’t make happen without their colleague’s help…the one who was only pushing against them and their project.

After a long pause – I’ve learned the power of a coaching pause – my client exclaimed, “F—k it. It’s not me!”

That seems like a mantra that many of us need.

“F—k it. It’s not me!”

I am all for taking responsibility for things that are mine. I’m all for owning ‘my side of the street’ and keeping it as clean as I can. Admitting when I’ve made a mistake. Making repair when I’ve caused harm.

But I’ve witnessed too much taking on of things that aren’t really ours to take on. In myself. In my clients. In my friends. Luckily, I don’t think in my kids.

It’s time for a huge, “F—k it. It’s not me!”

If we’ve had a habit of people pleasing or taking ownership of things that don’t belong to us, it can be hard to stop. If we’ve needed to have those habits to survive, it can be very hard to stop. If we were, perhaps, raised in a cult and literally taught that we should lay ourselves down on an altar to be scarified if that is what is asked of us, let’s just say that it can be very, very hard to stop.

But we can stop.

“F—k it. It’s not mine!” is a great first step.

Recently I’ve had a few things placed on me that truly weren’t mine. I’m happy to say I’ve learned not to take them in. Or on. I’ve learned to feel the feels – there might be anger; there might be anguish – and to remember it’s not me. it’s not about me. it’s not because of me.

It’s not mine to fix.

“F—k it. It’s not me!”

I’d love to hear your thoughts, and please share this post with others if it resonates with you. Let’s start a movement of loving ourselves First Most Always™️!

Photo by Tu Trinh on unsplash

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