Big question for a Wednesday, isn’t it?

But it’s a good day as any to ask it, so I’ll ask it. This is a question I’ve had for most of my life. Depression is deep and ugly and a completely different experience for everyone who feels it. The depression I feel is going to be way different than the depression you feel.

I asked God what he wanted me to blog about two weeks ago, and this blog popped into my head. Clearly, I didn’t write it two weeks ago (I wrote about my time at Realm Makers), but the idea didn’t leave me. Why didn’t I write it? I really care what other people think of me. Like, a lot. I like being happy, and I like making other people happy.

God is a pretty big God. If you’re like me, then you believe that God can do anything he wants to. So, the question for this blog isn’t really the right question. It’s an easy answer. Can he? Yes. Yes, he absolutely can.

But will He?

Now, that’s a harder question.

My journey

I’ve experienced depression since I was about ten years old. The first time I remember thinking, “I want to die,” was when I was sitting by the windows in our family room, back in California. I was staring at the empty street, sitting alone. The rest of my family are real introverts, and back then, we lived at least 45 minutes away from anyone I knew. I’d already finished school for the day, had nothing to do until dinner, and the rest of my family was squirrled away doing their own thing. I sat, looked out the window, and felt so alone that I really wanted to die.

Other things were happening at that time that significantly added to it, of course. It wasn’t like I just woke up one day and felt depressed. I’d hurt my back and was in constant physical pain, doctors told me I was crazy and was making up the pain for attention, we’d had to leave our bible study, and we left the homeschool group I was part of, etc. etc. etc.

Isolation + pain = A perfect opportunity for the enemy.

We went from seeing people once or twice a week consistently to just…nothing being consistent. And when I wasn’t around my friends, and I was in constant physical and emotional pain…well, it shouldn’t be a surprise that the enemy took the opportunity he saw. (In case you haven’t noticed, attacking God’s children is like, the enemy’s favorite thing to do.)

Flash forward fifteen years, and the journey has been long, tiring, and full of constant ups and downs.

I’d have seasons where I’d feel less depressed, but it never truly went away.

I was talking on the phone with a friend once, and we were chatting about life. I don’t usually talk about depression, but that had been a really down week, and it sort of just slipped out. He told me that I should bring it to God, that God could heal me.

“I’ve been depressed since I was ten,” I remember laughing in a really sad, not at all funny, kind of way. “It’s not going to just go away.”

“He can!” My friend shouted—physically raised his voice at me. “Alli, He can heal you!”

I dismissed it at the time, but the conversation stayed with me. It stayed with me so much, in fact, that I did start bringing it to God.

Newsflash: I didn’t get a snap-of-the-fingers, immediate healing. But I started asking for it. I asked God to show me where this was coming from, so that I could move past this. Maybe, just maybe, there would be a day that I woke up and my first thought wasn’t, “Man, I wish I could give up on life. Oh well, let’s put some pants on and try to get through this day.”

The Results

That conversation started me on a journey of figuring out why I felt this way. Let me tell you, it’s more complicated than can ever be fully put into words. But I started seeking help. I started asking God again. Instead of just dismissing the way I felt, I started considering the why, and I started seeking advice from my mentors.

I started studying the word and learning about my identity. I started to make sure what God says about me wasn’t just in my head, but really impacting me in my heart, too. (I highly recommend going through Ephesians 1 and highlighting everything it says about you, and then memorizing that list. Here’s my list!)

I started asking God to help me take captive those thoughts that encouraged depression. Thoughts that, I realized, were actually lies disguised as my thoughts. I started trying to get outside more and move around a little. (Unfortunately, exercise does actually help. Won’t cure it, but it’s worth doing.)

The biggest change was the prayer I started asking for. When an altar call happens at Church, I go and ask for a prayer for the depression instead of just sitting in my seat. I’ve pulled two or three particular people together to pray for me, and when I’m having a down day, guess what? I reach out. I ask for more prayer. Because it’s become increasingly obvious to me that God can…and He wants to. It just might not look like how I think it should look. Maybe it’s not an immediate, snap-your-fingers type healing. Maybe it’s a day by day, work with Jesus, type healing…

And one day I woke up and my first thought was, “I can’t wait to write today.”

Ladies and Gents, that’s what we call ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁progress . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁

Can God Heal You?

Yes. Yes He Can.

Will He? Well, he started healing me, and I assure you, I’m not any more special or loved by God than you are…so maybe it’s time to start asking Him to. 🙂

One of the biggest impacts of taking control of your thoughts is replacing them with truth. That’s why I made this 21 day devotional! Check it out, because guess what, it’s free!

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Each time you think a thought, you reinforce it. That's why it's so hard to fight the enemy's lies on your own.

 

Each day, for 21 days, you'll get a short email with a biblical affirmation or truth! So let's break those nasty lies and start walking in the freedom God has called us to!

 

SUBSCRIBE! Thanks for joining! Your first affirmation is on it's way.

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