My parents outlived probably any old person they knew when they were young. My mother passed away at 89. My father is still going at the same age. As a kid, I heard them paint a dreadful picture of what old age looked like. Back then, elderly people were immobile, senile, dribbling burdens on their families. It all sounded so bleak.

But I find myself wondering how old the people they described in such harsh terms really were. Perhaps only in their sixties. At most, their seventies. Nobody lived beyond that. Some survived into old age, but they didn’t thrive. They were just waiting to die.

Ageing Has Changed

Life for older people is different today. It’s not just that my parents demonstrated it. In Australia, life expectancy at birth in the mid-1930s was 63.5 years for men and 67.1 for women. It’s now 81.1 for men and 85.1 for women.

And it’s not just that people live longer. They are active for longer. Elderly people often cite physically engaging activities – walking, gardening, home maintenance, sports – among their favourites. People no longer see retirement as a moment to disengage but as a time to keep moving, keep connecting.

I saw this most strikingly while living in Japan. Studies into ageing well often focus on Japan because life expectancy is high. I didn’t just see elderly people active on streets –shopping, visiting museums, participating in community activities like park cleanups. I saw them riding bikes. Playing tennis. Taking to the ski slopes.

They weren’t just alive. They were living.

On Reaching Old Age

When it comes to reaching old age, getting to 75 or more, instead of just dropping dead before that, a lot of what we can do boils down to simple, non-negotiable habits. Eating well. Doing some exercise. Getting enough sleep. Of course, there is a genetic lottery at work. Some people are born with a greater chance of reaching old age. But some of the variables are within our control – what we eat, how much we move, and how well we rest.

But if we reach old age, how do we continue to thrive? How do we avoid becoming the sad potato in a dark corner my parents once described?

The non-negotiables then take on an internal dimension. They reflect mindset and mental health.

We need to keep learning, growing, staying curious about the world. We need adaptability, the ability to respond as our bodies and abilities change. We need to be connected to other people, not just friends and a social circle, but having open, vulnerable relationships. And we need generosity to share what we have and what we know.

So what do we do if we haven’t reached old age yet, but we can feel it marching inexorably towards us?

Taking Ageing Seriously

We can start with those three non-negotiables: sleep, diet, and exercise. We can take a good look at our habits. Audit them. Track what we do. Keep a journal. And talk to those we love and trust.

We need an honest picture of where we’re at so we can map a path to where we’d like to be. Because often the changes we need to make aren’t always simple additions and subtractions.

Just trying to add half an hour of sleep might seem impossible if our life doesn’t afford us the time. We might need to rethink how we do our evenings. Or maybe we’re locked into a morning schedule that sees us rising too early.

We probably won’t get to healthy eating by simply cutting out a treat now and then. We might need to go deeper into our relationship with food. Or notice how the relationships we’re in shape when and what we eat. Or how much we drink.

Exercise might seem like the easiest puzzle to solve. Go for a jog. Hit the gym. But much of what matters looks less heroic. Being able to stand. Or get off the ground. Pilates, yoga, or other mobility training would help.

These are not just exercises in habit and effort, tiny experiments in personal development; they are learning journeys.

A Life of Learning

And that’s the point. The sooner we buy into lifelong learning as a commitment, the better. Because the world won’t stop surprising us. It’s very unlikely that anyone over 65 grew up regularly using a computer. But now everything from banking, to shopping, to dealing with government involves apps, devices, or online interaction.

Or look at how we stay informed. In just a few generations we went from morning and afternoon newspapers, a few radio stations and a handful of TV channels to hundreds of choices on cable, before those gave way to streaming, podcasts, and online news sites.

Being learning oriented also helps us be adaptable. And adaptability matters because we keep changing. We decline in some ways: speed and strength diminish; memory becomes less reliable. But we can grow in others, especially wisdom and self-knowledge.

Connection helps us with this. Not just having a social circle, but deep emotional bonds with people we can be honest and vulnerable with. Having friends is good. Having good friends is better.

Making friends feels harder as we get older. Mostly we make friends by joining and giving. These are easier when we’re young. We get introduced to more groups of people. It costs less to share what we have. Later in life, it feels riskier. It’s harder to remain open and emotionally vulnerable. And society trains us to be less generous.

A Generative Life

But generosity might be the most important part of all. As we age, it becomes time to share our knowledge. Encourage others. Share our things.

It might well be that generativity – that sense of being part of a longer moment in history, of actions that echo beyond us – is what brings meaning and satisfaction to this crowning stage of life.

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