I’ve had my share of nasty friendships.

Believe it or not, there are some people out there who don’t like me very much. Misguided? Yes, I’m fantastic. But the fact remains. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea, and that’s okay.

Lately, God and I have been talking a lot about my desperate need for approval. How that need and want shouldn’t be about getting the approval of man, but of God (and how secretly, I already have that approval from him.) But this past week, he showed me something really cool about his approval, and about how I interact with him and everyone else around me.

How you treat others is how you’ll end up treating God.

(And how you assume everyone will treat you.)

I used to have a particular group of friends. They were great, for the most part. I really enjoyed hanging out with them. But after every hangout, I’d hear about the secret things that happened during our hangouts. How Person A looked at Person B wrong, or how Person C and Person D were secretly fighting. I looked around me and realized that every single person had secret intentions with someone else. Secret fights, secret mistrust, secret thoughts and intentions.

It was stressful. Honestly? Looking back, I really hated it. We couldn’t just “get along”. It all came to a head one week, and now that friend group is pretty much gone. No one is really friends with anyone else anymore. Why? Because you can only harbor secret intentions, secret pain, secret conflict, for so long until it gives. Nothing stays hidden forever. One day, the pain, the hurt, the conflict… it’ll rear up and destroy everything.

Back then, I found myself constantly guessing, trying to figure out what the secret intentions of everyone else were, so I could mediate when we were hanging out. So I could steer the conversation to safe topics, to keep the peace. To make sure everyone had a good time so that we’d stay friends. Was that my job? No. (But I’ve written about that before.) I’m just as much at fault for this, too. It’s hard to bring up conflict. It’s scary and intimidating, and sometimes it’s just easier to shove that pain down and pretend it doesn’t exist.

It was just last week that I was sitting on my couch, eating gummy worms and talking to Jesus, you know, as you do, when I realized something.

God isn’t like that—But I’ve been treating him like he is.

When I pray or when I seek God, I hold this stress in my heart, trying to discern what his real intentions are. When he wants me to do something—why? What’s he secretly wishing for me to do on top of that thing? When I get a gift from him (like the chair that randomly arrived at my house—no return address, nobody I know got it for me. A large, reading chair just randomly arrived at my doorstep. A beautiful gift from God), I stress, trying to figure out what it is he wants me to do with it? If I don’t know, then I can’t be obedient. If I’m not being immediately obedient—then I’m disobeying! (Legally: That last one is a complete lie, but that’s a different blog for a different time.)

I can’t just accept a gift. I can’t just be obedient. I spend at least a few minutes every time I pray trying to make sure I’m hearing him right, that I’m discerning his secret intentions that he hasn’t told me. It shows how much I really don’t trust God.

But that’s not what God is like.

That’s what the enemy is like. That’s what the enemy wants you to think God is like.

How I treat my friends (and how they treat me) has a direct impact on my relationship with God. It’s why community is so important. If the community you have is Godly, it’ll teach you how much God loves you. How Jesus wants you and adores you. But if your community is full of secret intentions, it’ll teach you something else.

No community is perfect. We all make mistakes. But if there’s darkness in your community, a consistent issue or problem that doesn’t seem to get resolved ever, then I would really consider how Godly that community really is. (Don’t just take my word for it. It’s put really simply in 1 John chapter 1.)

God loves you. He doesn’t have secret intentions for you. He might have surprises, or plans for your life you don’t need to know yet, but when he wants you to do something, he’ll tell you.

Rest in his presence because he is a good father and a really good friend.

The best way to teach your heart this is to affirm Biblical truth daily! Check out my free 21-day devotional!

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