I’ve had some downs in the past month. Several large book events have passed on my application (even ones I have participated in before). It made me feel like my short-lived book career was already petering out. Was there something wrong with me? Was I not flashy enough? Did I not invest in enough fancy booth signage or decoration? Had everyone who wanted my books already bought them?

And then I ended up on a “Best of KC” list that I never expected to be on…like ever. I was delighted and perplexed. How did they get my name? How did they decide I was “worthy?” Am I? Now I have to ask people to vote for me in order to win this city-wide popularity contest?

And then book sales slumped. Everyone is tired of me. No one is reading what I wrote. Why bother?

My point? It feels random. Success isn’t a straight line with a slope of 1. The ups and downs of who is reading and noticing. On any given day I am either floating or sinking. I let the data of the day batter me about until I feel bruised and small, even when good things happen.

Social media doesn’t help. The algorithm is constantly flinging expensive solutions in front of my eyeballs to sell more books or gain more followers. It makes me feel like I’m not doing enough. If I only purchased ads, and performed click testing, and optimized my SEO keywords, and, and, and. On the one hand, it makes me feel like it’s all within my control. Like if I just did one more thing, that would be the tipping point. But I know that isn’t true.

I really need to get out of that water. Stop bobbing around. Write the stories that make me happy. Put in some marketing effort but stop pretending that I can control the outcomes. Continue writing book 3 with the full knowledge that sales of a third book are limited to only the people who bought and read book 2. Should it matter? No. It shouldn’t. But in my brain, right now, it kinda does.

I keep reminding myself: “It takes 10 years to become an overnight success.”
Very few (if any) authors hit it big with their first book. Sometimes a first book doesn’t even get published. Brandon Sanderson, for example, has shared that he wrote 12 or 13 novels before one got picked up. Many writers labor in obscurity until, one day, for no reason at all, something they wrote goes viral. Or not.

That surely can’t be the goal.

Really, I need to change my goal. Write the best thing I am capable of writing at this moment (and allow myself to grow and improve with each new book.) And then share it. Maybe it hits. Maybe not. That shouldn’t be as important as the story itself. Is it entertaining? Does it change someone’s outlook or make someone happy or provide an escape? Does it inspire someone else to write also? Could it inspire someone to pick up the tools they possess and reason out a solution? Will it make someone brave?

If yes, that’s really cool. And that’s enough.