Last week was the audience kickoffs of the revised First Most Always™️: Your Path to Wholeness Leadership keynote. Two days in a row!

If I say so myself, I touched hearts, opened minds, brought strangers together in vulnerability and support, began to shift mindsets, and maybe changed behaviors – or at least ignited intentions to change behaviors.

And I had so much fun!

Two things became very clear to me in these two kickoffs. First, why I so strongly know that we can and must love ourselves First Most Always. Second, why some people have a hard time with that.

Many of us are crueler to ourselves than we would ever be to anyone else. We would never treat anyone like we treat ourselves. Some of the things I heard people share during the keynotes, that they say to themselves – “You’re stupid. You’re ugly. You never get things right.” – are so harsh. So harsh.

We never get the best out of anyone else when we treat them harshly. Why would it be any different with ourselves? Loving ourselves First Most Always can bring out our best.

Many of us live our lives “knowing” that we’re not good enough. “Knowing” that there’s something wrong with us. “Knowing” that deep down inside, we’re broken or unlovable.

These are not true. We definitely are good enough, even if there are parts of us that we (and others) wish were different. And again, these inner dialogues don’t bring out our best. They demotivate, depress, and disengage us.

I firmly know that we all deserve love and to be loved. That one of the best places to get that is from ourselves. It can be quite hard to do at first – I know this firsthand. But caring for ourselves, putting ourselves first at times, treating ourselves with love and compassion – as if we’re the most important person in our lives (which we are, because without us, well, we wouldn’t be here!) is life changing.

These things build up our strength, our heart, our kindness and generosity from within.

Some people have questioned First Most Always. Have seen it as selfish. Let me be clear, loving yourself First Most Always in no way means not loving and caring for others. It just means learning to love ourselves, which many of us have not been good at. At all.

It doesn’t mean not sharing. It doesn’t mean not caring. It means making time and space and energy for you as well.

Besides, I sometimes think that “selfish” gets a bad rap. I think that many of us need to learn to be a bit more selfish. Those who were taught to only care for others? Those who were taught that they didn’t really matter? Those who were taught that everyone else’s needs came first? They damn well need a stretch of focusing on themselves and taking care of themselves, in my not so humble opinion.

If we don’t care for ourselves, if we don’t fill ourselves up, we have nothing to give. It’s when we’re full and happy that we have so much to give. That we can give without resentment or hesitation. Our happiness is really our own job, and it perhaps counterintuitively brings so much to others and the world.

I also had people ask me how to love themselves First Most Always. They told me they had no idea how to do it. How to start. I told them to pick one thing and do it, over and over, every day, and let the goodness sink in. If it’s hard to do at first, stay with it. Thank yourself for it. Delight in it.

It may be as simple as sitting still for five minutes. Or starting your day with your hand on your heart and telling yourself you love yourself. It may be as life changing as promising yourself you’ll stop talking negatively to yourself. Or promising yourself you’ll celebrate you – your wins, your sense of humor, your brains, your strength, your great laugh…or all of the above. It may be only saying things to yourself that you’d say to that person you love most (the one who’s not you).

I am committing to writing more explicitly about why and how to love ourselves First Most Always. Why and how it’s great for us. Why and how it’s actually great for those around us. And the world.

In my not so humble opinion.

How do you love yourself First Most Always? What’s worked for you?

I’d love to hear your thoughts, and please share this post with others if it resonates with you. Let’s start a movement of loving ourselves First Most Always™️!

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