This Augustwould have marked 30 years of marriage. Had I stayed married.

Replete withthe perfect vision that hindsight often gifts us, I’ve decided to look at thethings my mother never told me about marriage.

The firstof those being that marriage needs continuous work. I suppose she never passedon this bit of wisdom because she and my father were works in progressthemselves? After all, who isn’t?

SO, perhapsinstead of dwelling on the things I was never told, I should narrow my focusand hone in on the things I learned – from my ‘failure.’

 Overtime, with sufficient neglect, a marital bed can become two separate continentswith an ocean between them that love alone cannot bridge

 Giving100% of yourself will never be enough if the return on that investment rarelypasses 50%

 Swallowingyour words for too long will cause them to dry out completely. And once the WordDrought sets in, that Climate Change is impossible to reverse

 Someonedepriving you of their kindness, their words, themselves, that’s a form ofabuse too.

Yourpartner HAS to be your friend. Because love can sometimes be nebulous. Sometimesit will feel dead, completely. But friendship is that star that holds its placein your sky and will always guide you home.

Youdeserve to have a home that feels like a hug at the end of a long day. And if Homeis not that, then why?

Youwere not born a sheep or a goat, so why should you offer yourself up as asacrificial animal at the Altar of Peace in the Home? And no, this is not a licenseto be selfish, not at all. But a reminder that if it’s hurting to the pointwhere it’s killing you, DO SOMETHING!

 Itis absolutely okay to say NO. To your spouse. To your kids. To the world. And that's not being selfish. It's sometimes an act of self preservation.

 Selfishnesspoisons everything. Enough selfishness can even poison a kind heart

Yes,it’s hard. To balance childrearing with marriage maintenance. But make the timefor that. Because some day the kids will all be grown. They’ll all be gone. Andall you’ll have left is the relationship you never made time for. Will itsustain you?Youcannot put a price on Peace of Mind. And a healthy marriage is Peace. If yourhome is not a place of Peace, fix it. And if you can’t, fix yourself.Leaving,if that’s what you ultimately need, is not failure. Your Home is not Broken. Asa woman, if you chose to leave, you taught your own children the importance ofself-love. Of recognizing their own worth. Yes, that is a hard lesson. But ultimately,it will have been worthwhile. Trust me.

There is no Right Time to do hat you need to do for you. There is just The Time

It is never too late to start again. As long as you are breathing.

Happiness was always an inside jobContentment, no matter what you choose, that's the Real Wealth. And it only comes with acceptance. And if everything in you rails against this acceptance, then maybe it's time for change things?Faith. You need that no matter which direction you choose. We act. Ultimately, Allah choosesForgive. And start with yourself. 

Sidebar: I recently completed writing my second novel. It is with the editor as I write. Exciting! Watch this space!