In today’s post, I just wanted to go through some of my thoughts around transphobia and the rise of trans hate in the UK and US. I think trans people are being unjustly blamed for a crumbling society, and that, to me, makes no sense. Instead, I want you to read this post and consider, even for a second, that maybe your transphobia or anti-trans ideas are actually hiding something deeper.

Let’s get into it!

Trans people have no real power

No trans people are actively represented or hold any position of authority in our government in the UK. From my research, there is only one person who came out as trans in our government, but they aren’t someone who is in a position to make any significant changes to “destroy” our society and our boys. For those interested, here is a link to the LGBTQ+ members of parliament.

Hypocrisy and double standards

Anger seems to be towards trans women not trans men. As in, people have a problem with men becoming women but not women becoming men. Why is that? This seems to me to be a misplaced fear that men become women just to harm women. Whether that’s by attacking us in our bathrooms or taking away womanhood all together. But if a woman wants to become a man, great! We need more men. Men are better anyway, right? And a woman posing as a man poses no threat to men…

Interesting…

Choosing to make life harder?

Why would someone consciously decide to make their lives, and the lives of others, worse and unsafe for some “trans agenda”? Who would pick to make their life harder unless they felt they had no other choice? This baffles me. Why do people seem to still think being homosexual, non-binary, or trans is some fun choice someone decided to make one day just because they were bored?! No, these people are in pain when they aren’t able to find who they are in our society. That’s why they then choose to change gender, transition, or change pronouns and names. It’s a means of feeling more comfortable in their skin. Or else, why do it?

Let me pause here to say something and get the record straight. This post isn’t about convincing anyone to walk arm in arm with trans people (though that would be nice), instead it aims to counter the backwards and illogical rhetoric out there right now. I want to challenge you (or those you know who have these thoughts) to consider the above and how there could be some truth in it.

What this could really be about:

Let me ask you this: why are you (or someone you know) so obsessed with trans people anyway?! With villainising and blaming them for all the issues in society? How many trans people do you know personally? How many trans authors have you read? Or even fiction about trans people and their experiences? How many have you watched on TV or YouTube to hear their perspectives? How can you blame and hate and villainise a group of people you don’t even know?

That’s literally called prejudice and that’s ignorance and that’s unfair.

Don’t believe everything you read. Don’t assume the person telling you about a “trans agenda” actually has any real evidence to back up their claims. And please be fair and logical with your views: even if a small group of people are evil and happen to be trans, doesn’t mean that the majority are. Just as with a group of black people who are evil, does that mean that all black people are evil? I sincerely hope you don’t think that.

Instead, to me and many others I’ve seen speaking on this topic, it seems to be a crisis of masculinity. Masculinity isn’t what it used to be and this scares men. They feel they are losing control because women are rising up and having their say in society. This is simply disguised misogyny masked as “protecting women”. Let’s get back to the good old days, right, where women weren’t a threat to a man’s success, where gays stayed in the closet, and men were real men, who worked for the money, told others what to do and think, and lead this great country. Sound familiar?

Satire aside, young boys really are confused about their place in society. Where once things were easy for them because society served men first, things are more grey and that’s unsettling for boys. But instead of blaming the gays and the women and the trans people, let’s look after our boys. Teach them that their version of masculinity is okay. Put pressure on other men and the mother’s of boys to help them, don’t villainise other groups who have no agenda against you.

I don’t follow the extreme feminist view that blames masculinity for everything and wants men to be punished. My husband is, I think, an excellent example of healthy, secure masculinity. Why? Here’s just a small number of reasons why:

He doesn’t equate masculinity with going to the gym/having big musclesHe is the instigator of emotional and mental health focused conversations in her friendship group and sports teamsHe plays for sports teamsHe’s the better baker in our house (yay me!), even wear my Baking Queen apron proudlyHe reads all kinds of books, mostly what I bought for myselfHe can sit in a room of women without feeling insecure He’s good friends with my sister (they are very alike)He calls his friends out on any outdated and derogatory language used He enjoys time with my niece and nephewHe isn’t ashamed of painting his fingernails when he wants toHe will wear pinkHe enjoys styling his long locs He’s allowed himself to give into her nerdier side since meeting me (yay me again!)He supports, cares for and respects me by default – I have my own interests and goals, and this has never been an issueHe listens to me, actually listensHe isn’t afraid to tell his friends he loves and values them

I would be so happy if my potential future son and my nephew become like my husband!

Lastly, trans people do not want to turn boys into girls, and men into women. They only want a society where everyone feels safe to represent and identify themselves in a way that makes them feel comfortable and happy. And really, isn’t that what we all want?

Remember: this isn’t about left versus right or pro-trans versus anti-trans. My desire is for a country that meets in the middle.

Extremes of any kind are too much. Polarisation leads to unnecessary division that keeps us distracted from the real problems in our society and the corrupt corporations, politicians and billionaires at the top who are benefitting from the fighting of everyday people. They are detached from our everyday struggles, so they don’t care if we tear each other apart. If anyone has an agenda, it is those constructing a story that divides us and puts more money and power in their pockets.

Remember, real people are hurt by your views, which are often uneducated and prejudice in origin. Check your biases. The mental health of trans people (and many in the LGBTQ+ community) is getting worse after decades of fighting for a voice. Let’s not contribute to their ill health. Trans people are a vulnerable group in our society, who are really struggling to find their place. Don’t make it harder for them by mindlessly sharing hate and transphobic comments online. Think what you want in private, but don’t be the reason someone stays hidden, falls into depression or takes their own life because they never could belong.

Making room for trans people is a complicated issue that needs to be handled with care, compassion and education, not ignorant hate by people who I can guarantee have never actually had a conversations with a trans person in their life.

Let’s come together. Meet in the centre.

Here are some trans people, content and books I’ve accessed for you to educate yourself on their perspective:

Juno Dawson and I recommend her book This Book is Gay, she also has a book The Gender Games but I haven’t read that yet – she is a trans woman and author and all-round great personality!HMRC series (my favourite fantasy series in adulthood; has a trans main character and the author is a trans woman but it’s not preachy in my opinion or overtly pro-trans, just shows a well-balanced society where trans people can be included and it’s a very funny, modern, raw urban fantasy in general which deserves more hype!)Detransitioning Baby, by Torrey Peters – more of a well-rounded and controversial view of trans life, in my opinion, showing the perspective of someone who has lived as trans and then reverted back to the origin sexStarry Steph on YouTubeWillow Talks Books Booktuber

If you are a trans person reading this post, I hope you are safe and holding onto hope, and please know that you are safe with me

Thank you for reading,

S. xx