Relating to the reader

woman looking through magnifying glass A Writing Voice exercise

You wouldn’t use your most professional, formal voice when speaking to a six-year-old, would you? Or your grandmother? (I hope not!)

We automatically shift our speaking voice based on our relationship with the listener.

We should make a similar shift when writing. We choose our words based on the imagined relationship with the reader. That simple choice affects how the reader perceives the “voice” of the piece.

When writers forget about the reader altogether, the writing voice can seem boring, self-indulgent, or out-of-touch. (We’ve all experienced reading something like that, right?)

If you want to tweak your writing voice, reconsider your relationship with the reader.

Explore the extremes

The easiest way to identify your desired relationship might be looking at its opposite. Which of these extremes seems right?

Expert/all-knowing vs. companionable/unassumingFormal vs. casualSkeptical vs. trusting

For example, this post offers advice. If I were to adopt the position of an expert in relation to you, I might write this:

I’m going to tell you the best way to work on your writing voice. This is what you do:

Or, I could honor your experience and position myself more as your companion. That might read like this:

Here’s an exercise I’ve found helpful in my own writing practice—maybe you’ll like it as well.

Which approach do you prefer? There’s no right answer. I often land between those extremes in my writing. I assume that you have experience writing, but would appreciate guidance and suggestions. If you’re still reading, then it seems like we’ve got the right relationship.

The exercise

This month, I invite you to experiment with assuming the “wrong” relationship for the situation. Here are two quick options:

Write a note asking for a favor from someone you admire and respect but do not know personally. Make it informal and intimate, as if you were best friends. For example, if you’re an author, write to Stephen King asking for an endorsement, in a flip and informal voice. (Note: don’t send it!) Write a formal, distant note turning down an invitation from a friend. (Definitely do not send this one!)

Notice the choices you make to be intimate or distant. Pay attention to what it feels like to write outside your comfort zone.

This exercise helps you home in on your assumed relationship with the reader. Does it tell you anything about your default writing styles?

The ongoing practice

When reading this month, notice the relationship that you sense the writer establishing with you. Do they respect your opinions or time? In fiction, is the narrator omniscient? Do they address you as the reader directly? How does it land with you?

When writing, be explicit about your intentions. For example, “I’m writing as the reader’s more experienced guide,” or “I’m trying to establish trust (or familiarity).”

More along this line

This practice is based on the tenth chapter of The Writer’s Voice (a workbook outlining a twelve-week course.) You can find variation of this exercise in a post from August 2023: Fancy or Folksy.

If you’d like to hear this one in my speaking voice, watch the YouTube video.

Notice: JavaScript is required for this content. var formDisplay=1;var nfForms=nfForms||[];var form=[];form.id='5';form.settings={"10":{"label":"Sign Up","class":"","show_help":"0","help_text":"","show_desc":"0","desc_pos":"none","desc_text":"","conditional":""},"11":{"honeypot_save":""},"12":{"class":"","show_desc":"0","desc_pos":"none","desc_text":"","conditional":""},"18":{"label":"Sign Up","class":"","show_help":"0","help_text":"","show_desc":"0","desc_pos":"none","desc_text":"","conditional":""},"19":{"label":"Textbox","label_pos":"above","default_value":"","mask":"","datepicker":"0","email":"0","first_name":"","last_name":"","user_address_1":"","user_address_2":"","user_city":"","user_zip":"","user_phone":"","user_email":"","user_info_field_group":"1","user_state":"0","user_info_field_group_name":"","user_info_field_group_custom":"","input_limit":"","input_limit_type":"char","input_limit_msg":"character(s) left","req":"0","class":"","show_help":"0","help_text":"","show_desc":"0","desc_pos":"none","desc_text":"","calc_auto_include":"0","admin_label":"","num_sort":"0","conditional":""},"20":{"label":"Text","default_value":"<a href=\"http:\/\/annejanzer.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/emaillogowp.png\"><img class=\"aligncenter size-thumbnail wp-image-3252\" src=\"http:\/\/annejanzer.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/emaillogowp-150x50.png\" alt=\"email logo wp\" width=\"150\" height=\"50\" \/><\/a>\r\nWrite much? Me, too. I've been delving into how to optimize my writing practices for creativity and productivity, and I'm sharing what I've learned.\r\n\r\nSign up to get once-a-week posts by email.","desc_el":"div","class":"","show_desc":"0","desc_pos":"none","desc_text":"","conditional":""},"21":{"honeypot_save":""},"27":{"label":"Text","default_value":"<a href=\"http:\/\/annejanzer.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/emaillogowp.png\"><img class=\"alignright size-thumbnail wp-image-3252\" src=\"http:\/\/annejanzer.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/emaillogowp-150x50.png\" alt=\"email logo wp\" width=\"150\" height=\"50\" \/><\/a><em><strong>Want to read more\u00a0posts like this?<\/strong><\/em> Sign up to receive writing posts by email, every other week.\u00a0You'll also receive a guide to overcoming common barriers to writing.","desc_el":"div","class":"","show_desc":"0","desc_pos":"none","desc_text":"","conditional":""},"28":{"label":"First Name","label_pos":"left","default_value":"","mask":"","datepicker":"0","email":"0","first_name":"1","last_name":"0","user_address_1":"","user_address_2":"","user_city":"","user_zip":"","user_phone":"","user_email":"","user_info_field_group":"1","user_state":"0","user_info_field_group_name":"","user_info_field_group_custom":"","input_limit":"","input_limit_type":"char","input_limit_msg":"","req":"0","class":"","show_help":"0","help_text":"","show_desc":"0","desc_pos":"none","desc_text":"","calc_auto_include":"0","admin_label":"","num_sort":"0","conditional":""},"29":{"label":"Email Address","label_pos":"above","default_value":"","mask":"","datepicker":"0","email":"1","first_name":"0","last_name":"0","user_address_1":"0","user_address_2":"0","user_city":"0","user_zip":"0","user_phone":"0","user_email":"1","user_info_field_group":"1","user_state":"0","user_info_field_group_name":"","user_info_field_group_custom":"","input_limit":"","input_limit_type":"char","input_limit_msg":"","req":"0","class":"","show_help":"0","help_text":"","show_desc":"0","desc_pos":"none","desc_text":"","calc_auto_include":"0","admin_label":"","num_sort":"0","conditional":""},"30":{"label":"Sign Up","class":"","show_help":"0","help_text":"","show_desc":"0","desc_pos":"none","desc_text":"","conditional":""},"31":{"honeypot_save":""},"32":{"class":"","show_desc":"0","desc_pos":"none","desc_text":"","conditional":""},"objectType":"Form Setting","editActive":true,"title":"Want More Like This?","created_at":"2020-04-09 05:19:32","show_title":"0","logged_in":"0","append_page":"","ajax":"0","clear_complete":1,"hide_complete":"1","sub_limit_number":"","sub_limit_msg":"","admin_mailto":["ajanzer@marketingdocs.com"],"email_from_name":"Anne Janzer","email_from":"ajanzer@marketingdocs.com","_service_select":"convertkit","_aweber_list_select":"","_infusionsoft_list_select":"","_mailchimp_list_select":"","_service_merge_keys":"email,first_name,last_name","_rainmail_list_select":"11703243","email":"20","first_name":"19","last_name":"","last_sub":"173","date_updated":"2020-04-02 14:40:18","status":"","conditions":[],"default_label_pos":"above","wrapper_class":"","element_class":"","add_submit":1,"currency":"","unique_field_error":"A form with this value has already been submitted.","not_logged_in_msg":"","calculations":[],"formContentData":["hr_32","html_27","textbox_28","email_29","recaptcha_1598034875811","submit_30"],"key":"","changeEmailErrorMsg":"Please enter a valid email address!","confirmFieldErrorMsg":"These fields must match!","fieldNumberNumMinError":"Number Min Error","fieldNumberNumMaxError":"Number Max Error","fieldNumberIncrementBy":"Please increment by ","formErrorsCorrectErrors":"Please correct errors before submitting this form.","validateRequiredField":"This is a required field.","honeypotHoneypotError":"Honeypot Error","fieldsMarkedRequired":"Fields marked with an <span class=\"ninja-forms-req-symbol\">*<\/span> are required","drawerDisabled":false,"allow_public_link":0,"embed_form":"","changeDateErrorMsg":"Please enter a valid date!","repeatable_fieldsets":"","_convertkit_list_select":"5217741{{type}}forms","fname":"19","ninjaForms":"Ninja Forms","fieldTextareaRTEInsertLink":"Insert Link","fieldTextareaRTEInsertMedia":"Insert Media","fieldTextareaRTESelectAFile":"Select a file","formHoneypot":"If you are a human seeing this field, please leave it empty.","fileUploadOldCodeFileUploadInProgress":"File Upload in Progress.","fileUploadOldCodeFileUpload":"FILE UPLOAD","currencySymbol":"$","thousands_sep":",","decimal_point":".","siteLocale":"en_US","dateFormat":"m\/d\/Y","startOfWeek":"1","of":"of","previousMonth":"Previous Month","nextMonth":"Next Month","months":["January","February","March","April","May","June","July","August","September","October","November","December"],"monthsShort":["Jan","Feb","Mar","Apr","May","Jun","Jul","Aug","Sep","Oct","Nov","Dec"],"weekdays":["Sunday","Monday","Tuesday","Wednesday","Thursday","Friday","Saturday"],"weekdaysShort":["Sun","Mon","Tue","Wed","Thu","Fri","Sat"],"weekdaysMin":["Su","Mo","Tu","We","Th","Fr","Sa"],"recaptchaConsentMissing":"reCaptcha validation couldn't load.","recaptchaMissingCookie":"reCaptcha v3 validation couldn't load the cookie needed to submit the form.","recaptchaConsentEvent":"Accept reCaptcha cookies before sending the form.","0":{"label":"First Name","label_pos":"left","default_value":"","mask":"","datepicker":"0","email":"0","first_name":"1","last_name":"0","user_address_1":"","user_address_2":"","user_city":"","user_zip":"","user_phone":"","user_email":"","user_info_field_group":"1","user_state":"0","user_info_field_group_name":"","user_info_field_group_custom":"","input_limit":"","input_limit_type":"char","input_limit_msg":"","req":"0","class":"","show_help":"0","help_text":"","show_desc":"0","desc_pos":"none","desc_text":"","calc_auto_include":"0","admin_label":"","num_sort":"0","conditional":""},"1":{"label":"Last Name","label_pos":"left","default_value":"","mask":"","datepicker":"0","email":"0","first_name":"0","last_name":"1","user_address_1":"","user_address_2":"","user_city":"","user_zip":"","user_phone":"","user_email":"","user_info_field_group":"1","user_state":"0","user_info_field_group_name":"","user_info_field_group_custom":"","input_limit":"","input_limit_type":"char","input_limit_msg":"","req":"0","class":"","show_help":"0","help_text":"","show_desc":"0","desc_pos":"none","desc_text":"","calc_auto_include":"0","admin_label":"","num_sort":"0","conditional":""},"2":{"label":"Email Address","label_pos":"above","default_value":"","mask":"","datepicker":"0","email":"1","first_name":"0","last_name":"0","user_address_1":"0","user_address_2":"0","user_city":"0","user_zip":"0","user_phone":"0","user_email":"1","user_info_field_group":"1","user_state":"0","user_info_field_group_name":"","user_info_field_group_custom":"","input_limit":"","input_limit_type":"char","input_limit_msg":"","req":"0","class":"","show_help":"0","help_text":"","show_desc":"0","desc_pos":"none","desc_text":"","calc_auto_include":"0","admin_label":"","num_sort":"0","conditional":""},"3":{"label":"Sign Up","class":"","show_help":"0","help_text":"","show_desc":"0","desc_pos":"none","desc_text":"","conditional":""},"4":{"label":"Textbox","label_pos":"above","default_value":"","mask":"","datepicker":"0","email":"0","first_name":"","last_name":"","user_address_1":"","user_address_2":"","user_city":"","user_zip":"","user_phone":"","user_email":"","user_info_field_group":"1","user_state":"0","user_info_field_group_name":"","user_info_field_group_custom":"","input_limit":"","input_limit_type":"char","input_limit_msg":"character(s) left","req":"0","class":"","show_help":"0","help_text":"","show_desc":"0","desc_pos":"none","desc_text":"","calc_auto_include":"0","admin_label":"","num_sort":"0","conditional":""},"5":{"label":"Text","default_value":"<a href=\"http:\/\/annejanzer.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/emaillogowp.png\"><img class=\"aligncenter size-thumbnail wp-image-3252\" src=\"http:\/\/annejanzer.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/emaillogowp-150x50.png\" alt=\"email logo wp\" width=\"150\" height=\"50\" \/><\/a>\r\nWrite much? Me, too. I've been delving into how to optimize my writing practices for creativity and productivity, and I'm sharing what I've learned.\r\n\r\nSign up to get once-a-week posts by email.","desc_el":"div","class":"","show_desc":"0","desc_pos":"none","desc_text":"","conditional":""},"6":{"honeypot_save":""},"7":{"label":"Text","default_value":"<a href=\"http:\/\/annejanzer.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/emaillogowp.png\"><img class=\"alignright size-thumbnail wp-image-3252\" src=\"http:\/\/annejanzer.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/emaillogowp-150x50.png\" alt=\"email logo wp\" width=\"150\" height=\"50\" \/><\/a><em><strong>Want to read more\u00a0posts like this?<\/strong><\/em> Sign up to receive writing posts by email, every other week.\u00a0You'll also receive a guide to overcoming common barriers to writing.","desc_el":"div","class":"","show_desc":"0","desc_pos":"none","desc_text":"","conditional":""},"8":{"label":"First Name","label_pos":"left","default_value":"","mask":"","datepicker":"0","email":"0","first_name":"1","last_name":"0","user_address_1":"","user_address_2":"","user_city":"","user_zip":"","user_phone":"","user_email":"","user_info_field_group":"1","user_state":"0","user_info_field_group_name":"","user_info_field_group_custom":"","input_limit":"","input_limit_type":"char","input_limit_msg":"","req":"0","class":"","show_help":"0","help_text":"","show_desc":"0","desc_pos":"none","desc_text":"","calc_auto_include":"0","admin_label":"","num_sort":"0","conditional":""},"9":{"label":"Email Address","label_pos":"above","default_value":"","mask":"","datepicker":"0","email":"1","first_name":"0","last_name":"0","user_address_1":"0","user_address_2":"0","user_city":"0","user_zip":"0","user_phone":"0","user_email":"1","user_info_field_group":"1","user_state":"0","user_info_field_group_name":"","user_info_field_group_custom":"","input_limit":"","input_limit_type":"char","input_limit_msg":"","req":"0","class":"","show_help":"0","help_text":"","show_desc":"0","desc_pos":"none","desc_text":"","calc_auto_include":"0","admin_label":"","num_sort":"0","conditional":""},"currency_symbol":"","beforeForm":"","beforeFields":"","afterFields":"","afterForm":""};form.fields=[{"objectType":"Field","objectDomain":"fields","editActive":false,"order":1,"idAttribute":"id","input_limit_msg":"character(s) left","show_desc":0,"desc_pos":"none","desc_text":"","element_class":"","label":"hr","key":"hr_32","type":"hr","container_class":"","id":17,"beforeField":"","afterField":"","value":"","label_pos":"above","parentType":"hr","element_templates":["hr","input"],"old_classname":"","wrap_template":"wrap","default":""},{"objectType":"Field","objectDomain":"fields","editActive":false,"order":2,"idAttribute":"id","fav_id":0,"def_id":0,"input_limit_msg":"character(s) left","default_value":"","desc_el":"div","show_desc":0,"desc_pos":"none","desc_text":"","element_class":"","default":"<p><b><i>Want to do more with your writing?<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n<p>Join my Writing Practices list for twice-monthly emails and monthly drawings for writing-related books.<\/p>\n","label":"Text","key":"html_27","type":"html","container_class":"","drawerDisabled":false,"id":18,"beforeField":"","afterField":"","value":"<p><b><i>Want to do more with your writing?<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n<p>Join my Writing Practices list for twice-monthly emails and monthly drawings for writing-related books.<\/p>\n","label_pos":"above","parentType":"html","element_templates":["html","input"],"old_classname":"","wrap_template":"wrap"},{"objectType":"Field","objectDomain":"fields","editActive":false,"order":3,"idAttribute":"id","fav_id":0,"def_id":6,"label_pos":"left","default_value":"","mask":"","datepicker":0,"send_email":0,"from_email":0,"first_name":1,"last_name":0,"from_name":0,"user_info_field_group":1,"show_help":0,"help_text":"","calc_auto_include":0,"calc_option":0,"user_address_1":"","user_address_2":"","user_city":"","user_zip":"","user_phone":"","user_email":"","user_state":0,"user_info_field_group_name":"","user_info_field_group_custom":"","input_limit":"","input_limit_type":"char","input_limit_msg":"","show_desc":0,"desc_pos":"none","desc_text":"","admin_label":"","num_sort":0,"element_class":"","required":0,"default":"","label":"First Name","key":"textbox_28","type":"textbox","placeholder":"","container_class":"","manual_key":false,"custom_mask":"","custom_name_attribute":"","personally_identifiable":"","value":"","id":19,"beforeField":"","afterField":"","parentType":"textbox","element_templates":["textbox","input"],"old_classname":"","wrap_template":"wrap"},{"objectType":"Field","objectDomain":"fields","editActive":false,"order":4,"idAttribute":"id","fav_id":0,"def_id":14,"label_pos":"above","default_value":"","mask":"","datepicker":0,"send_email":0,"from_email":0,"first_name":0,"last_name":0,"from_name":0,"user_address_1":0,"user_address_2":0,"user_city":0,"user_zip":0,"user_phone":0,"user_info_field_group":1,"show_help":0,"help_text":"","calc_auto_include":0,"calc_option":0,"user_state":0,"user_info_field_group_name":"","user_info_field_group_custom":"","input_limit":"","input_limit_type":"char","input_limit_msg":"","show_desc":0,"desc_pos":"none","desc_text":"","admin_label":"","num_sort":0,"element_class":"","required":0,"default":"","label":"Email Address","key":"email_29","type":"email","placeholder":"","container_class":"","custom_name_attribute":"email","personally_identifiable":1,"value":"","id":20,"beforeField":"","afterField":"","parentType":"email","element_templates":["email","input"],"old_classname":"","wrap_template":"wrap"},{"objectType":"Field","objectDomain":"fields","editActive":false,"order":5,"idAttribute":"id","type":"recaptcha","label":"Recaptcha","container_class":"","element_class":"","size":"visible","key":"recaptcha_1598034875811","id":90,"beforeField":"","afterField":"","value":"","label_pos":"above","parentType":"textbox","element_templates":["recaptcha","input"],"old_classname":"","wrap_template":"wrap","site_key":"6LcvuO8UAAAAANZOgqvoTsSYFRZGj-nLA70F6UrV","theme":"light","lang":"en","default":""},{"objectType":"Field","objectDomain":"fields","editActive":false,"order":6,"idAttribute":"id","fav_id":0,"def_id":0,"input_limit_msg":"character(s) left","show_help":0,"help_text":"","show_desc":0,"desc_pos":"none","desc_text":"","processing_label":"Processing","element_class":"","label":"Sign Up","key":"submit_30","type":"submit","container_class":"","id":22,"beforeField":"","afterField":"","value":"","label_pos":"above","parentType":"textbox","element_templates":["submit","button","input"],"old_classname":"","wrap_template":"wrap-no-label","default":""}];nfForms.push(form);
 •  0 comments  •  flag
Share on Twitter
Published on September 30, 2025 13:32
No comments have been added yet.