Today is the day after Charlie Kirk’s funeral. I had tears all throughout it and was amazed how many preached the Gospel. I loved it! I also loved the boldness and courage it took Erika Kirk to give a thoughtful and emotional speech in front of millions of people soon after her husband was assassinated, but I don’t believe she needed to forgive the man who murdered her husband. (No, I don’t believe it was a sin for her to forgive him either. It’s good for her to do what she can to rid herself of any bitterness she may feel towards him which may take a while to accomplish. We must all diligently pray for wisdom and comfort for her.)

This is what God’s Word tells us about forgiveness.

“Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him. And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him.” (Luke 17:3,4) One must repent before they can be forgiven. God doesn’t forgive us unless we repent.

“Them that sin rebuke before all, that others also may fear.” (1 Timothy 5:20)

“Alexander the coppersmith did me much evil: the Lord reward him according to his works” (2 Timothy 4:14). Paul didn’t forgive Alexander.

“…forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” (Ephesians 4:32) Christ doesn’t forgive us unless we repent.

“Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.” (Matthew 18:15-17)

Finally, this one from a man on X:

Should I forgive someone who hasn’t asked?

What do we do if the offender has never asked for forgiveness?

There is a difference between an ATTITUDE of forgiveness and TRANSACTIONAL forgiveness.

An Attitude of Forgiveness means I pray that God would forgive the offender, just like Jesus on the cross praying, “Father, forgive them” – asking God to grant them the gift of repentance.

The Attitude of Forgiveness says, “I have released this person from their debt towards me in the court of Heaven. In the presence of God who knows my heart, I no longer hold a grudge against them; I have released them of this debt before you.”

An attitude of forgiveness primes your heart and makes you ready to give transactional forgiveness when sought out.

This is VERY different than walking up to them and saying “I forgive you” unprompted. That’s unbiblical. It is unbiblical to express forgiveness to someone who hasn’t sought it.

This will cheapen and short-circuit the cycle of repentance and reconciliation. This cycle cannot happen if the offender doesn’t repent.

Does God forgive us this way? Just issue blanket forgiveness without repentance? No.

Transactional forgiveness always requires repentance.

If you cultivate an Attitude of Forgiveness, then when the offending party comes to you and asks you “Will you please forgive me,” you will already have the attitude of forgiveness. And you’ll be glad to forgive.

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***Here is a sermon preached by Scott LaPierre on this topic.

***Here is another sermon on this topic by Michael Pearl.