Over the course of my time as a pastoral counselor I have had multiple clients who have been into gaming culture. When I first became aware of its existence, I assumed it was an avoidance mechanism, with gamers preferring electronic interactions to embodied connections. Instead of being together in the same room, these men, and they were all men, were using the Internet to avoid developing real life relationships. With the passing of time I came to see that while my assumption is sometimes true, there is more than meets the eye.

Young men are finding it difficult to find a clear sense of meaning in today’s world. If they live in more liberal environments, they probably have heard ad nauseum how white men are the genesis of all of society’s ills. I saw an advertisement for a workshop this month in a mainline Protestant publication. The title of the workshop was, Curing Whiteness. As well-meaning as the workshop might be, I’m afraid the title is an illustration of the problem these young men face. If my very race is a sickness to be cured, then what meaning is inherent in my life? For young men of color it is a question they have been asking since the beginning of slavery, or manifest destiny, or any of the institutional atrocities that ripped away their historical sense of self.

For many young men, gaming culture provides essential elements missing in modern times. First, in a world devoid of meaning, they provide a clear purpose. Purpose is not the same as meaning. Searching for meaning suggests searching for the ultimate answers of life. Why am I here? What makes my life matter?

Purpose is more functional. It is not asking the deeper questions. It is finding something interesting to do. We were made to work. People are not naturally lazy. Laziness is usually resistance, not true laziness. We are resistant to begin an endeavor because of previous experience, or the likelihood of limited return on investment, or clinical depression, or lack of self-esteem, or any one of a number of other factors. Deal with those factors and the “laziness” disappears.

Purpose relates to the feeling you get when you have good work to do, work that contributes to something bigger than you, and gives you a sense of satisfaction when doing it. It is even better if the task is meaningful.

Gaming culture provides a sense of purpose. It gives a narrative structure, a story that makes sense, and tells you your place within that story. You are a part of something bigger than yourself. Gaming also provides a feeling of competence and a pathway to move to higher levels.

A story you can understand. Work you can do that will further that story. Feeling competent to do that work, with a path to higher levels. All of these were once provided by our culture. In today’s world, however, with more and more people in meaningless jobs without opportunities for advancement, should we be surprised that these elements essential to people’s health, especially men’s sense of wellbeing, have to be artificially provided via gaming culture?

There are dangers inherent in gaming culture. One of the dangers in finding purpose through gaming is that it is a decidedly left brain pursuit, without the ability to be placed in the greater context of one’s life. That is one of the reasons some young men become addicted to the games they play, spending every waking moment immersed in their alternate disembodied universe.

Without having work that is placed in the context of an embodied life, they come to lack empathy, have a lower emotional intelligence, and experience difficulty placing information into a holistic context. These are all elements that need embodied activity, relationally completed. A pickup basketball game is vastly preferable to solo gaming. In the basketball game we bring all of our bodies and brains to the game. We are experiencing life in an embodied way.

Interestingly, the rise of gaming culture has been paralleled by the rise of what many call Bro culture, a hypermasculinity that focuses on dominance, aggression, and competitiveness. Bro culture does answer two important questions related to our wellbeing: “What do you want to exist if you don’t?” And a related question, “How are you contributing to that right now.” The problem is with the answers provided by Bro culture.

A couple of decades ago I watched with curiosity as Mark Driscoll built a huge conservative church in liberal Seattle by encouraging men to be unashamedly misogynistic, using a corrupt interpretation of the Apostle Paul to justify their behavior. I thought it was an aberration. I was wrong. Now there are pastors saying the Civil Rights Act of 1964 was a mistake, something Charlie Kirk said in 2023, and that giving women the right to vote was a mistake. These extreme views have found purchase because they provide in real life the same elements available in gaming culture: A story you can understand. Work you can do that will further that story. Feeling competent to do that work, and an opportunity to move to higher levels.

In Bro culture, all of these things are available to men without a college education, meaningful employment, or opportunities for advancement. Seeing the need, conservative churches have filled the gap.

No wonder Pete Hegseth had no idea how ridiculous he appeared when he brought all the nation’s generals together to give them a pep talk about how to be a real warrior. This, from a man who was a weekend anchor on a Fox News opinion show. But he is excited about what he has found and wants to share that excitement, as well as flex his leadership muscles. He has found meaning through the hypermasculine Bro culture he discovered through his church and its denomination. The Communion of Reformed Evangelical Churches is a radical denomination founded by Doug Wilson, a pastor in Idaho who espouses Christian Nationalism and an extreme patriarchal view of life.

We all need a story we can embrace. We all need work we can do that will further that story. Feeling competent to do that work and having a pathway to higher levels are important to our satisfaction. Say what you might, Bro culture has provided those things. What have Democrats provided in return? Not much, but there are signs of hope.

Watch Pete Buttigieg and listen to his words. He knows what is at stake and how to proceed. He is able to speak to men. Evangelicalism will reject him because he’s gay, but when I listen to him I see light at the end of the tunnel. Jimmy Kimmel provides a similar hope, as well as Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert.

Bro culture is dangerous. It will set women back decades and it ultimately does not provide men with the guidance they need. But there are men whose example can be followed. Here’s a novel thought. How about we follow Jesus? You know, not the one ignored by the religious right, but the one in the Gospels, the one who commanded us to love God, neighbor, and self. How about we follow that Jesus?