I saw a Stan Lee interview a long time ago where he was recounting the creation of Spider-Man, where halfway through he mischeviously winked at the camera and said “I’ve told this story so many times that for all I know it’s true”.

That caveat pretty much applies to any story Lee told about the birth of Marvel’s second wave of superheroes in the nineteen sixties. Even if we discount Stan’s (well earned) legendary reputation for self promotion and myth-making, he was an old man with a failing memory. But, screw it. That’s pretty much all of human history. A story we’ve told ourselves so many times, that for all we know it’s true.

There are conflicting versions of how the Fantastic Four came to be. Stan Lee said that he conceived the idea after publisher Martin Goodman asked him to come up with a superhero team to compete with DC’s then-new Justice League of America. Jack Kirby disputed this, claiming that the team was principally his idea and functioned as a continuation of his work on Challengers of the Unknown for DC. My opinion is…it really doesn’t matter. The book is credited as the co-creation of Jack Kirby and Stan Lee, and if you read it, it becomes immediately clear that it is a co-creation of Jack Kirby and Stan Lee. If you replaced either Kirby’s art or Lee’s writing, it wouldn’t be the same thing. Both men put their stamp on it, and hard. What is, I think, un-contestable is that The Fantastic Four #1 is the single most influential comic book issue since Action Comics debuted in 1938.

While Superman’s debut launched the comic book superhero genre, it had peaked and waned in the years after World War 2. The Fantastic Four not only re-kindled interest in the genre, it set it on the path to near total conquest of the American comic book landscape. This one book acted as a cauldron for concepts that shaped the entire industry, both in a fictional and technical sense. It was working on this book where Kirby and Lee pioneered the “Marvel Method”, where instead of a full script, the writer contributed a broad outline, leaving the artist discretion to shape individual story beats, with the writer then returning at the end of the process to craft dialogue. This was the method that allowed Stan Lee to be so insanely prolific throughout the sixties and much of the seventies. The book also introduced more psychological and narrative complexity than was typical of comic books of the era, when they were still seen as a medium for children. And, of course, I could spend all day listing the iconic characters that were introduced in the pages of this one book and how it acted as the Big Bang for the nascent Marvel comics universe. Fantastic Four was the book where Stan Lee became STAN LEE and Jack Kirby became JACK KIRBY. Although they were both seasoned industry veterans, it was here that Lee honed his trademark mix of action, medodrama and wise-acre comedy. And Kirby? Kirby underwent a transformation from a talented artist to a one-of-a-kind icon of the medium.

As for adaptation to other media, the Four has been well represented with numerous animated series and a radio show in the seventies starring NO FUCKING WAY THAT IS TRUE! BILL MURRAY?! BILL MURRAY PLAYED THE HUMAN TORCH!!!?!

“No one will ever believe you.”

But for such an important property, the jump to live action took a lot longer. This is just a difficult property to adapt. It’s one thing to stick a stuntman in a Spider-man costume and have him punch a few goons. It’s quite another to set him on fire and launch him into space to battle world-devouring space gods (the union will fucking eat you alive). So it wasn’t until the late eighties when special effects driven science fiction was having a moment that the rights were finally sold. That resulted in a movie so good that Roger Corman hid it under the floorboards to ensure it was never tainted by the eyes of a sinful world. Come the 2000s the rights were picked up by Fox and we got the Time Story duology which, while undergoing something of a positive reappraisal these days, were deeply compromised.

Then there was JESUS CHRIST WHAT EVEN IS THIS?

But, at last, here we are. The Fantastic Four, in the MCU, as God and Kevin Feige intended, coming back to rekindle interest in a superhero genre that had almost died due to lack of interest.

Okay, so our story takes place in 1964 on Earth 838 where the Fantastic Four are (at least as far as we know) Earth’s only superhero team. And this is a great, great choice. For starters, the Four are such a quintessential piece of sixties Americana that it just makes more sense to set the story in that era. And secondly, you just couldn’t do a story where the Four have their origin on Earth 199999 and are the newest superheroes on the block. That works for Spider-Man, who’s always been depicted as a young, in-over-his-head kind of hero, but the Fantastic Four have to be the elder statesmen of the superhero community. That’s kinda their whole deal. They are the guys the Avengers call when it’s all getting a bit much.

The story begins with Reed Richards and Sue Storm learning that, after years of trying and believing it wouldn’t happen, they’re going to have a baby. One word I could use to describe this movie is “simple”, and not in a bad way. But it’s a film with remarkably few moving parts. A family welcomes a new baby. A bad man wants the baby. The family have to protect the baby. There’s some science fiction tinsel draped over it but that’s it. And, honestly, I think that’s one of the movie’s big strengths. You don’t need to know 36 movies and 86 years worth of lore to understand any of this. It’s a nice simple story with a universal theme that stands perfectly well on its own two feet.

So after a nicely played, low-key scene where Sue and Reed celebrate their unexpected good news, we get a montage that excellently fills us in on the status quo of this new world. Four years ago, Reed Richards, his wife Sue Storm, her brother Johnny and his best friend Ben Grimm went on a mission into space and were exposed to mysterious cosmic rays. They came back, and Reed can now stretch like a politician’s ethics, Johnny can turn his body into fire and fly like…fire, Ben has turned into my usual post Christmas dinner turd and Sue can turn invisible and create forcefields. In the past four years they’ve created world peace, ushered in a technological utopia and defeated several supervillains such as the Red Ghost and the Mole Man.

This is all great and does a much better job of conjuring an aesthetic of mid-century techno-optimism than certain other movies I could name, but I think it could have gone further. For all the lovely period touches, the dialogue and performances are still very 2020s. Not bad, but very much of their time. I would have loved to see the movie lean into the period even more. Give Reed a pipe, for God’s sake! And let’s get some authentic sixties dialogue!

Okay, okay. Point taken.

Anyway, another advantage to having the movie set on a different Earth is that we get to avoid the “Reed Richards is Useless” trope because in this world Reed Richards is, quite frankly, killing it. But, a few months into Sue’s pregnancy, a new threat appears in the night sky: GENDER DIVERSITY!

Apparently having a naked chick in your movie is woke now.

The Silver Surfer warns the Earth that something called Galactus is coming to devour the Earth so they probably shouldn’t start any long books. Johnny flies after her and she says something to him in her own language before he has to return to Earth. The Four decide that they are not best pleased by the gall of this Galactus fellow, and resolve to fly a spaceship to wherever he is and punch him in the dick.

They track the Surfer’s energy signal to an alien world but can’t see Galactus.

Only for his ship to leap out of the planet like a frickin’ chestburster.

One thing you gotta have in a Fantastic Four movie. Jaw-dropping cosmic spectacle. And this movie has that in spades.

The Surfer shows up on their ship and tells them that Galactus will see them now. Johnny asks her what she said to him earlier and she says it means “Die With Yours”. The Four are ushered into the presence of Galactus and it sure is some presence.

Galactus then offers them a terrible bargain. He will spare the Earth…in exchange for their child.

Galactus tells them that Franklin is actually a cosmic God masquerading as a human baby and that he can replace Galactus and free him from his eternal hunger. Reed and Sue, obviously, had different plans for their son which included more going to Harvard and less devouring planets as a force of eternal universal balance and the Four beat tracks out of there. They race back to Earth with the Surfer in hot pursuit and (of course) that’s when the baby decides to arrive, bloody typical. They manage to trap the Surfer in a neutron star and head back to Earth.

At a press conference, the Four tell the world that Galactus wants their baby but they’re not going to give him up and the world is all: “um, were you aware some of us also have babies?”

The mood becomes pretty grim both inside and outside the Baxter Building with an angry crowd gathering outside while Sue and Reed’s marriage starts to crack under the strain of the terrible choice they’re faced with. Sue takes Franklin outside to meet the crowd so that they can see that the baby they’re going to die for is at least very, very cute. Because let’s face it, no one wants to die for an ugly baby. I’m being glib, it’s a very a good scene but that’s not funny to write about.

Anyway, Sue tells the crowd they will “move heaven and Earth” and that gets Reed’s big brain firing and he comes up with a genius plan to teleport the entire planet around a star on the other side of the universe. Good plan, but I think they’re forgetting something.

This thing is kinda important.

This kicks off a massive world-wide effort to build teleportation gates all around the world before Galactus arrives. All of humanity working together to save the world. It’s so cheesy and I love it. Meanwhile Johnny has been working overtime to translate a message from space they received years ago which he recognises as being in the Surfer’s language.

Just as the Four are about to teleport Earth to safety, the Surfer arrives and starts smashing the gates. Johnny lures her to Times Square and bombards her with the message which is actually from her own homeworld. We learn that this surfer is not Norrin-Radd, but Shalla-Ball (his love interest in the comics), who agreed to become Galactus’ herald in exchange for sparing her homeworld. Johnny then plays her other messages of planets crying out for aid as Galactus destroys them and the Surfer decides that this is not bodacious and surfs away. Unfortunately, the Earth is not teleporting down to the shops today, let alone to the other side of the universe, so it’s time for plan B.

Reed realises that there is one gate still functioning, the one in New York. So, instead of teleporting the Earth away from Galactus, they can teleport Galactus away from the Earth. Unfortunately, this means luring him to New York with the only thing that he wants; big purple butts Franklin.

With the help of the Moleman, New York is evacuated and the Four leave Frankin in a baby carrier inside the teleportation gate. Johnny temporarily blinds Galactus so that they can swop out the baby carrier with a ringer but it turns out that you don’t get to be a four billion year old space god by being no putz and Galactus sees through the ruse and takes Franklin from the Baxter Building. But Reed is able to get the baby off Galactus just long enough for Sue to use her powers to FUCKING SHOVE GALACTUS INTO THE TELEPORTATION GATE.

I REPEAT. SHE. SHOVED. GALACTUS.

You come a long way, baby.
You come a long ass way.

Galactus still almost pulls himself out and Johnny prepares to sacrifice himself but at the last minute the Silver Surfer appears out of nowhere and steals the kill. The Surfer and Galactus vanish and the Earth is saved but Sue is seemingly dead. Reed tries desperately to resuscitate her but to no avail. He lets Franklin say goodbye to his mother and the, lo and behold, the baby brings his mother back to life which I’m pretty sure means no grounding, ever.

***

This is a good movie, and I enjoyed it more on a second watch which is always a positive sign. It’s not exactly my idea of what the Four should be. I think Ben Grimm should be a little more ornery, and Johnny a little more douchey and Reed a little less Pedro Pascally (I don’t hate him, but I don’t get why you all seem to love him either). In fact…screw it, I’m just gonna say it…

This cast, with a script that got Doom and Galactus right? THAT’s a perfect FF movie right there.

Scoring

Adaptation: 19/25

Overall a good, solid adaptation of the Galactus Trilogy. Nothing ground-breaking, but given the track record of this franchise (and the currently precarious health of the MCU as a whole), playing it safe was probably wise.

Our Heroic Heroes: 20/25

The Beyond Meat version of the Fantastic Four. Tasty in its own right, but not quite the real thing.

Our Nefarious Villain: 16/25

Oh, look at that. We’re not embarassed to have a Galactus who’s a giant purple dude with a tuning fork on his head.

Our Plucky Sidekicks: 20/25

I always thought that Doug Jones’ and Laurence Fishbourne’s Silver Surfer was by far the best element of the Tim Story movies, so colour me impressed that Julia Garner manages to top that. Perhaps strangely, given the the gender flipped casting, she feels truer to her comic book inspiration than any other character. Granted, said gender flipping now seems less like an attempt at gender balance and more a way for them to tease a relationship between Surfer and Johnny while not losing ticket sales in the Middle East but whatever, good performance.

The First Stinger

We fast forward a few years to where Sue is reading a story to Franklin. She leaves to go to the kitchen only to come back and find Franklin with a strange man in a green robe and a metal face mask.

And the audience went…

I am still deeply dubious about Downey Doom and Doomsday in general but even I felt a little hype right there.

The Second Stinger

We get to see clips of the in-universe Fantastic Four cartoon show.

And the audience went…

Whatever, it’s a cute bit. What’s less cute is the amount of comments I saw of people saying “OMG Marvel should totally make a cartoon series in this style, I’d watch it!”

Sigh.

I am getting too old for this shit.

Hey, was that Stan Lee?

That was Greg Haiste, playing Timely Employee #2, in a cute little cameo alongside Martin Dickinson as Kirby. God, I really wish they’d both lived to see this one.

FINAL SCORE: 75%

NEXT UPDATE: 31 October 2025

NEXT TIME: I worry I am overpromising here as I am only going to get to watch one of these films a mere few days before the review is due to go up but…dammit I’m going to try. Bats versus Bolts returns…