"I was traveling down the road with a buddy and there's a guy driving around in a jeep with a dead deer strapped to the hood. My buddy says to me, "You think he's been hunting?""Nope, They're probably giving them away with the purchase of every jeep." 'Here's your sign!'                                                                                                        Bill Engvall


Slightly more sombre tone for this second-of-three posts.
The funny thing about bullies is that they always cry victim when they are called out on their behaviour.
My most recent experience, the early part of which was discussed in the previous post, was atypical of every other reported bullying experience - no one gave a shit. 
I mentioned that when I raised my concerns on a number of occasions, I was told that no one cares, no one is interested and no one is bothered. It even went as far as, "If you can't take it, then perhaps this isn't the role for you."
Really? That is the response you think is appropriate?
Now, I'm a big boy and can handle myself. I have no problem with confrontations (though avoid them until unavoidable) and do not have double standards, nor am I two-faced. I will say what I see. But I will admit, as I have before, that I struggle with certain things nowadays. Ever since I was ill and recognised (forcibly, granted!) that my mental health issues were a HUGE issue, certain aspects of life just get to me in a way that they didn't before. The 'other guy' who protected me for so long and was my armour to the world and everything in it, didn't let anything bother him (that was, of course, the problem). When I locked him away, I had no protection emotionally, so events that would've have just slipped over my head, now really resonated with me.
Once again, my early experiences working as an IPCN and the behaviours of others, caused me to become poorly, self-harm and consider other, less tasteful things to punish myself.
Punish myself.
Therein lies the irony... that you are made to feel so worthless and useless, that you want to make yourself suffer. Whereas once I would have ripped the other person a new arsehole and not given a damn about the consequences (remember, I'm indecisive apparently!), now I was considered and measured with responses and didn't wish to pay forward that which I was being exposed to.
The undermining behaviour I was exposed to (not always, I must add, but often) tried to spoil my experience, but that was one aspect I refused to let it do. I felt honoured and privileged, as I mentioned in the first post, to be doing what I was doing, where I was doing it, and wasn't going to let a small-minded, arrogant, bullying individual take that away from me. I have already addressed the fact that, said individual may well have been and likely was, an expert in their field. But, like so many areas of the world affected by the pandemic, people had to change and modify their roles to make work 'work', and were suddenly exposition-dumped with knowledge that they had not needed before (and likely, not been interested in). Some people acknowledge that it is not their forte and rely on you for support. 
Others just claim to be the font of all fucking knowledge, know more than you do (despite them saying one day they absolutely don't, but then challenge your every decision like they do) and will behave that way in front of others to try and disempower you.
As I say, it bothered me, and I suffered, mentally and physically as a consequence. But that is my problem to solve and I realised I still have work to do in regard to how I cope with certain situations. 
Maybe when I grow up!
Anyway, as a consequence of everything, I was moved to another department. Now, this will be have been of benefit to my manager as well, as we just didn't get on. Despite the behaviours mentioned (and there were more, trust me), we just clashed. I think I have only not gotten on with someone once-maybe twice in my life (I'm an easy guy to like!), but you know, you can't please everyone, and that was who they had ended up being assigned as an IPCN... even Kelly said 'bless them'.
She does say it takes a village to raise a David! However, I digress...
Some dick-ish, twat-ish behaviours and statements were made by my employer regarding my trying to do the right thing and be nice, but ultimately I started working somewhere different but the same.
And the experience was completely opposite!
Just like the hospital in the north-east in 2016 and everything that happened there, you go just a little further out west, and you are in the same environment, but with different behaviours and attitudes.
This 'middle section' of my time at work is full of fantastic, lovely, and enlightening experiences and truly seemed to typify what such an experience should be like. I saw such professional behaviours, attitudes and appreciation.
I did find myself off my game initially, missing the beginnings of meetings and being in a bit of a funk (a number of other things were happening at home at the time, with Kelly and the boys and, though I know home-life should stay at home, I found certain elements difficult to compartmentalise), but I was spoken to by my new manager, he told me things straight, I appreciate that and everything was smooth sailing after that.
Oooo, I have just remembered something just before all of the above.
So, I get a phone call one day, asking me if I would mind showing around a few new IPCN's. I said no problem and then spent the week getting to know them and showing them as much as I could. They were extremely experienced, so didn't need me to teach them the old 'granny egg sucking trick', and it was more orientation and how clinical practices are fitting into a non-clinical setting.
During the course of this week, one of the nurses mentions to me that they think they will be working on so-and-so. 
So-and-so is where I am working, but I had an idea what was going to take place, so just made some jokes, introduced them to CD and the office team and that was that.
At the end of the week, I see one of my employers having dinner. I walk up to let him know the nurses are all fine and great, and happen to mentioned that one of them is thinking they will be working on the same job as me.
I make a joke, and say, "I would have to hand it to you and applaud your huge set of balls if you have me showing around my replacement."
"Don't be silly, David. We wouldn't do that. Ha, Ha, Ha."
That evening, I receive an email stating that I have been replaced by my aforementioned fellow nurse.
Professional behaviour? Make up your own mind.
This employers is lovely, I must add, and was always kind and understanding, or at least pretended to be. But I find it hard to accept a clam of ignorance regarding that situation... who knows.
As my psychologist told me a long time ago, it isn't that you can't accept things, but you have to accept that you can't accept them. 
Good advice.
There is one final part to this short blog series, which shall be shared to due course.
What I will say to end this post is that, everything today and before, simply illustrates that, not only does bullying behaviour exist and is seemingly encouraged (despite all the bollocks signs you see in the world advising that they don't tolerate bullying. Christ, the NHS and other areas have policies about exactly that), but that there is no interest not support regarding mental health and mental health support.
It is simply a case of, if you can't take it, fuck off.
Now, I completely understand that going into any profession as an outsider and agency worker, is never going to accommodate feelings of feeling part of a team. Especially when individuals have worked together for so long. Totally get it.
And I suppose, businesses don't want to spend time and money, trying to support transitory employees. That kind of makes sense too.
But the fact remains that mental health issues and struggles are still seen as behaviours and problems that should remain in the shadows and out of sight and spoken mind.
The fact remains that bullying is alive and well across so many different industry's, avenues and corporations.
And the fact remains that, those in power will always try to silence those who they believe have none.
Victims and subjects of bullying are not and will never remain silent. We have a powerful voice, that is only getting louder.
Hear us roar.