I have far too many pieces labeled “Dungeon Doggerel”. I’m ashamed of all of them. I should be writing about important things, like absinthe.

Tiamat

I won’t let Tiamat in any of my beds
Because she has too many heads.
Mother of all evil Dragons of Chrome
I’ll pat all five heads
and feed her a gnome.

Owlbears (again)

Even the creators didn’t care
When they made the Owlbear
No time for reflection or refraction
Or even something really Gygaxian

“Bears are scary, but ordinary
But a bipedal owl that’s really hairy?
That’ll reduce adventurers to gristle
…unless someone knows Magic Missile.”

The Bulette (Land Shark)

I myself would place no bet
Against the deadly, dread Bulette
Rapacious, deadly, hungry, toothy
They’re very “EGADS! FORSOOTH!”-y

You should seek them out if you’re heavily invested
In being rapidly digested.

The Drider Poem – Rough Draft.

Created by the Goddess of Spiders,
They’re arachnids with attached riders.
Created as punishment for eight-legged sins
Life dying? Death fighting? Neither are wins.

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