30 ratings | 12 reviews | avg rating:4.23

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Jeff Mach

Goodreads Author

Born

in The United States

Website

https://www.patreon.com/thatjeffmach

Twitter

darklordjournal

Genre

Humor and Comedy, Fantasy, Science Fiction

Influences

Terry_Pratchett ...more

Member Since

April 2008

URL

https://www.goodreads.com/jeffmach

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Jeff writes a lot of peculiar, often villainous fantasy and science fiction. He speaks about himself in the third person rather a lot. He's mostly a satirist in both his novels and his short work. He writes more F&SF poetry than a healthy person ought. He knows a lot about pickup lines for Dwarves, Hobbits, Elves, and others. ...more

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Combine Editions
Jeff Mach’s books

Average rating: 4.0 · 442 ratings · 110 reviews · 8 distinct works • Similar authors

	There and Never, Ever Back Again: Diary of a Dark Lord 3.82 avg rating — 294 ratings — 4 editions	Error rating book. Refresh and try again. Rate this book Clear rating 1 of 5 stars 2 of 5 stars 3 of 5 stars 4 of 5 stars 5 of 5 stars
	I HATE Your Prophecy: A Completely Serious Look At Magic, Destiny, And What Happens When You Make A Sorceress Mad 4.31 avg rating — 67 ratings — 2 editions	Error rating book. Refresh and try again. Rate this book Clear rating 1 of 5 stars 2 of 5 stars 3 of 5 stars 4 of 5 stars 5 of 5 stars
	Villains, Villainy & Villainpunk: Monstrous Microfictions 4.42 avg rating — 31 ratings — 3 editions	Error rating book. Refresh and try again. Rate this book Clear rating 1 of 5 stars 2 of 5 stars 3 of 5 stars 4 of 5 stars 5 of 5 stars
	"I Hate Your Time Machine": A fiction-fueled guide to some of the worst tropes of Fantasy & Science Fiction 4.18 avg rating — 28 ratings — 3 editions	Error rating book. Refresh and try again. Rate this book Clear rating 1 of 5 stars 2 of 5 stars 3 of 5 stars 4 of 5 stars 5 of 5 stars
	A Big Bad Wolf's VILLAINLY Alphabet: An Alphabet for young Villains, Tricksters, and Junior Rogues by Jeff Mach (Goodreads Author), Gahil Windu (Illustrator) 4.69 avg rating — 13 ratings	Error rating book. Refresh and try again. Rate this book Clear rating 1 of 5 stars 2 of 5 stars 3 of 5 stars 4 of 5 stars 5 of 5 stars
	The Villainpunk Cookbook: 4.43 avg rating — 7 ratings — 2 editions	Error rating book. Refresh and try again. Rate this book Clear rating 1 of 5 stars 2 of 5 stars 3 of 5 stars 4 of 5 stars 5 of 5 stars
	GIVE: the book of submissive experience it was amazing 5.00 avg rating — 2 ratings — 3 editions	Error rating book. Refresh and try again. Rate this book Clear rating 1 of 5 stars 2 of 5 stars 3 of 5 stars 4 of 5 stars 5 of 5 stars
	A Big Bad Wolf's VILLAINLY Alphabet: An Alphabet for young Villains, Tricksters, and Junior Rogues 0.00 avg rating — 0 ratings	Error rating book. Refresh and try again. Rate this book Clear rating 1 of 5 stars 2 of 5 stars 3 of 5 stars 4 of 5 stars 5 of 5 stars

More books by Jeff Mach…

948 posts
Jeff Mach's Blog

Weapons could always get worse

Especially after the year twenty-two hundred and thirty first
When, for the first dream, the dream of Colt
Exploded everywhere; except it was laser bolts
And that wasn’t the worst.

They were cheap. They were easier to make.
There were kits, like for baking a cake.
You could get a laser on any streetcorner, easily
I would have is somebody hadn’t zapped me.

Good old human ingenuity
Good enough for you and me

Jeff is Currently Reading

Jeff Mach is currently reading

Four Hoboken Stories

by Daniel Pinkwater

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Apr 30, 2020 02:17PM

Jeff Mach is currently reading

The Monster at the End of this Book

by Jon Stone

bookshelves: currently-reading

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Nov 23, 2024 09:30PM

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Jeff’s Recent Updates

Jeff Mach wrote a new blog post Weapons could always get worse Especially after the year twenty-two hundred and thirty firstWhen, for the first dream, the dream of ColtExploded everywhere; except it was laser bolt Read more of this blog post »
18 hours, 16 min ago · like
Jeff Mach is now following Sean Sweeney Author of Model Agent
Apr 11, 2026 11:09PM · like
Jeff Mach is now following Bron Rauk-Mitchell Author of Teapot Tales
Apr 11, 2026 11:09PM · like
Jeff Mach is now following Eva Kenieva's reviews
Apr 11, 2026 11:09PM · like
Jeff Mach wants to read With Cups, Covens, and Ichor: Book Two of the Weilder Pentology by Letti Raye Greene	Error rating book. Refresh and try again. Rate this book Clear rating 1 of 5 stars 2 of 5 stars 3 of 5 stars 4 of 5 stars 5 of 5 stars
Jan 23, 2026 12:48PM · like
Jeff Mach wants to read With Cards, Constellations, and Flames: Book One of the Wielder Pentology by Letti Raye Greene	Error rating book. Refresh and try again. Rate this book Clear rating 1 of 5 stars 2 of 5 stars 3 of 5 stars 4 of 5 stars 5 of 5 stars
Jan 23, 2026 12:48PM · like
Jeff Mach wants to read Bare: A Novella (The Hysteria Florilegium) by Letti Raye Greene	Error rating book. Refresh and try again. Rate this book Clear rating 1 of 5 stars 2 of 5 stars 3 of 5 stars 4 of 5 stars 5 of 5 stars
Jan 23, 2026 12:48PM · like
Jeff Mach liked an answer from K.D. McNiven: How do you make the editing/rewriting process fun? When you find out, please let me know! Editing is tedious and time-consuming, but it is something you must do. I'm unsure if I ever found it enjoyable, though authors who use their editing talents to help others may find the process satisfying. Who k See K.D.’s answer. K.D.
Jan 20, 2026 11:38PM
K.D. answered Jeff Mach's question: How do you make the editing/rewriting process fun? When you find out, please let me know! Editing is tedious and time-consuming, but it is something you must do. I'm unsure if I ever found it enjoyable, though authors who use their editing talents to help others may find the process satisfying. Who k See Full Answer
Jan 20, 2026 09:48AM · 1 like · like
Jeff Mach and 2 other people liked Cyrielle’s status update Cyrielle Jeanne started reading Nanny for the Neighbors
Jan 08, 2026 11:16PM

More of Jeff's books…

Quotes by Jeff Mach (?)

“How often must you be betrayed before you see that others are taking your kindness for weakness, your silence for an inability to speak?”
― Jeff Mach, There and Never, Ever Back Again: Diary of a Dark Lord

tags: betrayal, defeat, kindness, mistake, power, silence, speak-up, try, weakness

16 likes

“They hate being unable to control you.”
― Jeff Mach, There and Never, Ever Back Again: Diary of a Dark Lord

tags: control, empowerment, hero, individuality, power, society, villain

16 likes

“First off, contrary to popular belief, I'm as human as you are. One of us should probably be ashamed of that. I'm not entirely sure that it's me.”
― Jeff Mach, There and Never, Ever Back Again: Diary of a Dark Lord

tags: belief, human, humanity, identity, label, presence, self-identity, shame

15 likes

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Jeff’s Quotes

“It’s a little-known fact, but Unicorns are something like 20% paint, and their horns are stolen exclusively from endangered species.”
― Jeff Mach, There and Never, Ever Back Again: Diary of a Dark Lord

tags: fantasy-humor, humor, myths, unicorns

11 likes

“Orcs live in caves. Goblins live in shadows. It's the pain of distance versus the pain of proximity.”
― Jeff Mach, There and Never, Ever Back Again: Diary of a Dark Lord

tags: dark-fantasy, goblins, orcs

8 likes

“And sadly, fairytale kingdoms work poorly. It’s not just that they’re fairytales and thus not terribly real; we’ve seen stranger and more mythical attempts at leadership in our time. The problem is that Fairytales attract Good Faeries, and thus Bad Faeries; Evil Queens; Huntsmen, and, of course, The Grand Vizier. And all of those tend to lead to ruination.”
― Jeff Mach, There and Never, Ever Back Again: Diary of a Dark Lord

tags: fairytales, grand-vizier, rulership

10 likes

“The person who has never considered “non servium” may have a fatal weakness in the legs. Train yourself to kneel instead of think, and you will not enjoy an opponent who knows how to stand.”
― Jeff Mach, There and Never, Ever Back Again: Diary of a Dark Lord

10 likes

“I didn’t know this was where I’d end up, and if you try to tell me that the hurt, the pain, the personal choices, and the perseverance were all just part of someone else's plan, I'll laugh at you until I can barely breathe.”
― Jeff Mach, There and Never, Ever Back Again: Diary of a Dark Lord

10 likes

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