If you find yourself overreacting to things that shouldn’t be that big of a deal, if you’re stuck in the same relationship patterns over and over, if you’re exhausted from people pleasing or never feeling like you’re enough, no matter what you achieve, it’s possible that there’s a younger version of you that needs your attention.

I did a survey asking what you want me to talk about, and multiple people wanted me to talk about inner child healing. So that’s what we’re diving into today. And I’ll be honest, I was a complete non-believer in ‘inner child’ work until I became a psychotherapist. Even though I had done plenty of my own therapy, becoming a therapist made it crystal clear to me that inner child work is powerful and effective. And that’s really all I care about: helping you get out of your own way, lessen your own suffering, and elevate your own joy.

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What Is Inner Child Work?

Inner child work describes the process of reconnecting with younger parts of yourself that still live within you. Different times of our childhood evolution, especially when something dramatic or traumatic happened, can leave a part of us stuck at that age.

These younger parts of us hold both the beautiful (joy, creativity, playfulness) and the painful (old wounds, fears, unmet needs). It’s a combination. Sometimes we can tap into inner-child work to amplify our creativity or to resurrect activities we loved as kids, and something magical can happen.

If you didn’t feel consistently safe, seen, soothed, or supported in childhood (and most people didn’t), there’s a child within you still waiting for that acknowledgment. They’re still waiting for the attunement you may not have gotten.

The work I want to get you started on today is about tending to and paying attention to the kid within you so that those old wounds stop showing up in your adult relationships, your self-worth, and your ability to set and maintain boundaries. Because when the kid is running the show, we often struggle in these areas.

What Inner Child Work Involves

From a big-picture view, inner child work is about:

Identifying patterns that trace back to childhood, like people pleasing, perfectionism, and fear of abandonmentValidating your own feelings instead of dismissing them (especially if you were dismissed as a child)Reparenting yourself, offering the love, protection, and guidance you may not have consistently receivedReclaiming your joy because the inner child has access to your spontaneity, playfulness, and creativity

Remember, we internalize the voices of important people in our lives. When we talk about having a brutal, critical inner voice, we’ve often internalized someone else’s voice.

Signs Your Inner Child Needs Attention

How do you know if your inner child is calling for your attention? Look for these signals:

Amplified reactions to certain situationsRepeating relationship patterns, the same unhealthy dynamic over and overChronic “not enough” feelings, no matter how much you achieve or earnHigh reactivity around authority, rejection, or abandonmentPeople pleasing or overachieving because you never felt quite good enoughDifficulty setting boundaries without guiltExcessive self-criticismNumbing behaviors like scrolling, nightly wine therapy, or overworkingShame or fear when asking to get your needs met

If you’re nodding your head to any of these, know this: you are not alone. So many of us carry an inner child longing to be seen, heard, and loved.

This is not a flaw. It’s a signal, a loving flare from inside of you saying, “Hey, I need your attention.” What I’m sharing today will help you actively and regularly communicate with your inner child so they don’t have to do something extreme to get your attention.

Why This Work Matters

You can’t out-achieve or out-hustle childhood wounds. You can only heal them by turning toward that younger self with compassion.

This is where re-parenting comes in. It’s about becoming the safe, attuned, and consistent adult you may not have had when you were a kid.

Your worth is not up for negotiation. You were born worthy. You are worthy right now. But if the inner child is holding a story of being “too much” or “not enough,” your adult life can be exhausting, with you constantly hustling to prove yourself or shrinking to be less than you are.

When you do this work, you can free yourself from repeating old relational patterns. You can create the capacity to experience more joy, love, and connection without fear of abandonment as a constant companion. And that’s life-changing.

Practical Steps for Inner Child Healing1. Identify When Your Inner Child Is Activated

Start noticing moments when your reaction feels out of proportion to what’s happening. In that moment, ask yourself:

How old do I feel right now?Does this reaction belong to my current self or to younger me?

This simple pause creates space to recognize the difference between past pain and present reality.

2. Name and Validate Your Inner Child

Give your inner child an identity. You might use a childhood nickname or imagine a photo of yourself at a certain age. I see my five-year-old self with puka beads, a little bathing suit top, cutoff jeans, and sneakers without socks in the summer.

When you feel activated, speak inwardly: “I see you. I hear you. It makes sense that you feel scared. But I’ve got you now.”

This reassurance and validation can be everything. It’s what you needed then, and it’s what can help heal you now.

3. Create a Dialogue

Write letters to your younger self or have a conversation through journaling. Try these prompts:

What do you need from me?What are you afraid of?How can I help you feel safe today?

This turns your relationship with your inner child into a living, breathing practice.

4. Reparent Through Action

Healing often doesn’t just happen by talking about the wound. You need to make different choices in real life.

If your inner child needs safety, set boundaries in your relationshipsIf your inner child needs rest, honor that instead of overriding it with hustleIf your inner child longs for play, schedule time to be creative or just have joy, swing on a swing set, go to the beach, whatever brings you joy5. Practice Consistency

Your inner child may not need perfection. She often needs consistency. Check in regularly, not just during crises.

The more often you show up, the more trust you build inside yourself. When you’re with someone you trust, you can relax. That’s what starts to happen with your inner child: she learns to trust you to take care of both the adult you and little her, and she gets to rest.

Guided Inner Child Visualization

Find a quiet, safe space where you can close your eyes. Take a deep breath in, then slowly exhale.

Bring to mind an image of yourself as a child. It could be you at three, five, seven, whatever age comes naturally. See this younger you standing in front of you. Notice their posture, their expression, their energy.

Imagine kneeling down so you are eye to eye with that little kid. Smile gently. Place one hand on your heart and imagine placing your other hand on their heart.

Say to them: “I see you. I’m here for you. You are safe with me.”

Notice how they respond. Do they soften? Get emotional? Cry? Feel unsure? Everything they feel is okay. Just stay with them, with your hand on your heart and your hand on their heart.

Imagine wrapping them in a warm blanket of light, golden, loving, protective. Tell them: “You don’t have to carry this alone anymore. I’m here, and I won’t leave you.”

Take a deep breath in together as you have your inner child wrapped in this beautiful golden light. Now exhale together.

Allow that younger you to merge back into your heart space, where they will always be safe, seen, heard, and considered.

Take one more deep breath in. Gently release. When you’re ready, slowly open your eyes and come back to this present moment.

Your Invitation This Week

Inner child healing is not a one-and-done process. Think of it as an ongoing relationship, the most important one you’ll ever have.

My invitation to you this week: Notice when you feel triggered and pause. Ask yourself, “How old do I feel right now?” Then respond with compassion, not criticism.

Your inner child doesn’t need to be “fixed” at all. They may just need to be loved by you. That’s it.

Want to go deeper? I’ve created resources and guided practices to support you in this free guide. Everything for this episode is there, including your own copy of the guided visualization.

If you found this helpful, please share it with a friend who might need to hear it. Drop me a comment and let me know what came up for you in the visualization. Were you able to do it? Did you connect with a specific age of your younger self? I’d love to hear from you.

Thank you for spending time with me today and for caring about your inner child. As always, take care of you.

FAQ’s

Q: Why do I overreact to small things in my relationships?

When your reaction feels out of proportion to what’s happening, it’s often because something in the present moment has triggered an old wound from childhood. You might be reacting as your five-year-old or ten-year-old self, not your adult self. This happens when we didn’t feel consistently safe, seen, or supported as kids. The inner child is trying to protect you using strategies that worked in childhood but don’t serve you now. The solution is learning to pause and ask: “How old do I feel right now? Does this reaction belong to my current self or to younger me?”

Q: Why do I keep attracting the same type of unhealthy relationship over and over?

Repeating relationship patterns is one of the clearest signs that your inner child needs attention. We unconsciously recreate familiar dynamics from childhood because part of us is trying to heal those original wounds. It’s like we want a do-over. Until you turn inward with compassion and reparent that younger part of yourself, you’ll likely keep seeking the love, approval, and validation you didn’t get then in all the wrong places now. The pattern breaks when you become the safe, attuned, consistent adult for yourself that you may not have had.

Q: How do I stop being a people pleaser and start setting boundaries?

People-pleasing often stems from never feeling quite good enough in childhood or from learning that your needs didn’t matter. Your inner child is still trying to earn love and safety by being what others need. To break this pattern, you need to reparent yourself by making your inner child feel safe enough to say no. This means actively choosing differently: if your inner child needs safety, you set boundaries even when it feels uncomfortable. Healing happens through action, not just awareness. The more consistently you protect your inner child’s needs, the less you’ll need external validation.

Q: Why am I so critical of myself no matter what I achieve?

That brutal inner critic is often an internalized voice from childhood, someone important in your life whose criticism or high standards you may have absorbed. Your inner child is still trying to be “good enough” for that person. No amount of achievement will quiet that voice because the wound isn’t about your accomplishments, it’s about unmet needs for unconditional acceptance. The work is learning to speak to yourself the way you needed to be spoken to as a child: with validation, compassion, and reassurance. When you consistently show up for your inner child this way, the critical voice loses its power.