Most relationship trouble doesn’t begin with cruelty or bad intentions. It begins with a familiar, almost invisible conviction that the problem is over there.

Perhaps we feel misunderstood. Unappreciated. Disrespected. Something in us stiffens, and before we know it, our energy shifts toward defending, correcting, or withdrawing. We may not say it out loud, but the message is clear: If you would change, things would be better.

This is human. And...