Roger K. Allen's Blog

When relationships feel strained, most of us default to the same strategy: figure out what the other person is doing wrong—and try to get them to change.

We offer advice they didn’t ask for. We repeat ourselves more forcefully. We explain our position again, hoping clarity will finally land. Or we withdraw and wait for them to notice.

Sometimes this works briefly. More often, it backfires.

What’s going on?

When one person, say a spou...

Most relationship trouble doesn’t begin with cruelty or bad intentions. It begins with a familiar, almost invisible conviction that the problem is over there.

Perhaps we feel misunderstood. Unappreciated. Disrespected. Something in us stiffens, and before we know it, our energy shifts toward defending, correcting, or withdrawing. We may not say it out loud, but the message is clear: If you would change, things would be better.

This is human. And...

In my last post, I posed some questions to ponder at the end of this year. Here is the story of a couple who faced these questions together.

It was the evening of December 30th when Jack lit the last candle on the dining table. Emily laughed softly—only Jack would try to make a year-end reflection feel like a romantic holiday. They sat together with their journals open, pens resting on blank pages.

They were supposed to be planning 2026: new goals, money decisions, house repairs. But instead, E...

As we approach the close of another year, I find myself asking more than the question, “Where did the time go?” I’m asking something deeper: What have I learned? Who have I become? How am I different today than I was 365 days ago?

Of course, it is so easy to notice the passage of time. However, what we notice less often is who we are becoming as time passes.

So before you step into a new year with plans, goals, and resolutions, take a moment to pause, breathe, and honestly look at your own grow...

This is the week of Thanksgiving throughout the Americas, a holiday built around gratitude. We gather with family and friends, share a meal, and—often in a circle before dinner—take turns saying what we’re grateful for. It’s a pleasant ritual, but it can also be quick and sometimes superficial. Many of us mention blessings like health, home, or opportunities, but rarely do we express our gratitude for the people sitting right beside us in a way that truly touches their hearts.

This year, I invi...

As the holidays approach, I find myself reflecting on why this season matters so much to me. It’s not simply the decorations or traditions—although I enjoy these. It’s something quieter, deeper, more human.

The holidays invite us to pause. To breathe. To remember who and what matters most. And perhaps, most importantly, to reconnect with the people who matter in our lives—our spouses, children, extended families, and closest friends.

We live in a world that moves quickly and demands a lot. Yet ...

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When Tom and Laura met, something clicked instantly. Their first date stretched for hours as they talked over coffee, walked by the river, and found themselves laughing like old friends. For weeks afterward, they called and texted each other constantly, stayed up late, and told friends they’d “never felt anything like this before.”

Tom was captivated by Laura’s warmth and spontaneity. She brought color and energy to his careful, measured life. Laura adored Tom’s steadiness and kindness; he made...

I read a lot. Although I love fiction, most of my reading is on self-help and spiritual topics. I’m intrigued by books related to personal and relationship development. And sometimes I notice myself going from one great book to another without allowing time to fully digest what I’m reading. Although I’ve found great value in acquiring a broad perspective, I sometimes wonder if I’d be better off slowing down, reading less, pondering more, and giving myself time to integrate new wisdom into my da...

“It’s easier to put on slippers than to carpet the whole world.”  Anthony de Mello

I think you would agree that we live in an increasingly stressful world in which the uncertainties of life never seem to let up. As if the challenges of day-to-day living were not enough, many of us are dealing with financial uncertainty (inflation, housing costs, debt), job insecurity, political/social polarization, global instability, news and information overload, and so on.

It’s a lot to worry about and adds ...